In Defence of the Unrealistic...

I am often told that what I am expecting from the world around me is 'unrealistic'.

I hear the word so often - and the tone in which it is often delivered, I know it's never meant as a compliment, or form of encouragement.

It's like the polite way of calling someone a 'lunatic' and it's not fun.

But I don't know whether I am being unrealistic

• To expect people to think before they speak
• Or to say what they mean, and mean what they say
• To have the right to self determination and not to settle for what I don't want, even if that means working twice as hard for half the result
• To not have to bear the brunt of someone's bad mood, insecurities or fights with their wife because they happen to be obtaining a service from my organisation and giving money in exchange

But alas - many feel that's unrealistic - and so today for our #SaturdayServing, I want to make 3 short points about why we shouldn't be so quick to obsess about and draw people back into what we believe to be realistic. Unrealistic has many more uses that we give it credit for!

The myth of Reality

Telling people to be realistic is placing a lot of value in the concept of realism.... when actually reality is a myth.

Or at least your version of it is...

Because no matter what you think is going on - by the time you've put your own filter and spin on it - added in your daddy issues and your unique blend of foibles, flaws and secret insecurities, your lenses are cloudy and tinted like 'woah' - what you are experiencing as reality is only happening for one person on the planet - and indeed through the annals of time - and that person is 'you'. The tint you bring changes everything.

The reality that you are championing is your own - but 'reality' as a thing - tangible thing that we are constantly being dragged back to - doesn't even exist.

Everyone's reality is different. Some people earn more money in a week than others can or will earn in their lifetime.

I'm no physicist - but before going around and telling people what is and isn't realistic, I think it's important to consider what you are basing that on, and whether, your assessment of realism, is the one they should be aspiring towards.

A Change in the Point of View

As you move towards something, your perspective of it changes.

When I was little, I couldn't believe that the sun was bigger than this earth - because it looks like a ball in the sky. It was even more baffling to me that the moon has none of it's own light, when you see it shining so brightly in the night sky. But that's what it looks like from where I stood.

If I were in a spaceship - or closer to the sun, it would sure feel a whole lot different.

Life is no different. What is realistic, and the view that you see from the ground is totally different to what you can see when you are on a hill - and yet, it's different again when you are in the air.

As you progress in any pursuit, project or venture, perspectives change - things that seemed Oh so far away are much closer than you thought, and what you cannot prepare for is the change of view.

Our perception of realism is based on so many unknowns. Yes we may see the external circumstances, but what we don't know is their internal resolve, determination, systems, plans, and ability and willingness to make a change and to do what it takes to get the result that they're after. And that's what you don't know. And may never know.

We might not know how a tiny 5'6" mum can lift a burning car to save her child, but it happens - in spite of it being unrealistic. As did a little girl who wanted to go to school in Afghanistan ending up at one of the worlds best universities - but tell that to Malala (as well as telling her why it's unrealistic to survive being shot in the head!)

And I get it - slow and steady wins the race - good old Aesop, has got us focused on realism (a talking hare and tortoise!) and in business, we are now obsessed with realism and being sensible, and I'm not about that life at all - especially because of the 3rd and final point in defense of the unrealistic

The Good Old Magic...

Yes, some of the things I want from myself and those around me may seem unrealistic, and in the fullness of time, some of them may even prove to be so, but you know who else would have been called 'unrealistic'? -

Nelson Mandela, when he was fighting for a better South Africa... when he was a little boy in a Segregated South Africa he would likely have been killed for even saying that he wanted to be president - let alone for actually trying to become one.

Or John F Kennedy, talking about wanting to put a man on the moon.

The whole of Martin Luther King's famous 'I have a Dream' speech is as unrealistic as they come - as are the Wright Brother's plane dreams and Lewis Latimer (not Thomas Edison as is popularized) dreams about the light bulb and the telephone. Elon Musk seems like a crazy dude with plenty of unrealistic aspirations.

And the women.... SO MANY WOMEN from Oprah Winfrey, Harriet Tubman, Sarah Blakely, Folarunsho Alakija and even Diane Abbott would have all seemed crazy and 'unrealistic' at one point of another.

Women who run households, families, businesses, side-hustles, church choirs, PTAs and communities simultaneously are often told being able to do them all is unrealistic - and yet it's done with sparkle and pizzazz every single time!

I guess the point is that the game-changers, the world-changers, the history makers are all unrealistic - because they see a world that doesn't exist... but can see something of a world that could be, and work to make that happen instead. And there is magic found in that!

I think realism isn't as helpful as we'd like to believe it is. Yes, of course it helps when running a business, but realism is all around.

But when it comes to changing the world, we need to be a little bit more unrealistic. The ones we call crazy, are the one's we often realize were right all along.

I've spent so long being pulled back to earth and being realistic that I've missed some of the magic that I've achieved, and having been reminded of the incredible opportunity that there is in thinking big (by the David Schwartz classic "The Magic of Thinking Big" - I'm making a rallying cry for a little less realism and bit more "possibiltarianism".

It's not unrealistic, until you say it is - and only you get to decide... and don't' worry if it seems impossible "It always seems impossible, until it's done". So I leave you with a far more eloquent rallying cry for being unrealistic...

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

(Robert Siltanen)

It's tough being unrealistic as a woman running a business - being told to stop expecting to have it all and to deal with all that's thrown your way. But that's the price we pay for greatness, and it's a small price to pay for the amazingness we have stored up ahead.

Hang on to that unrealistic dream, those 'impossibly high standards - the world needs them... as if we have nothing to aspire to, then we don't aspire, or grow or reach at all!