In Defence of Pride

“Pride, then, seems to be the crown of the virtues; it is hard to be truly proud; for it is impossible without nobility and goodness of character.” ―?Aristotle

I have yet to meet a truly happy person that is not proud, in some way.??Proud of his work, proud of his achievements, his family, teammates, his impact to others.

Yet, in the current narrative, especially in the last years, we avoid to exalt the virtue of pride. We associate it with ego – and “ego is the enemy”, the argument goes. ?Modesty and moderation are our way to salvation in this chaotic, angry, polarised world.

After all, isn't pride one of the seven sins, perhaps the most dangerous one??Pride blinds, hurts, breeds arrogance, narcissism, greed. Doesn’t it?

I invite you to go deeper, together, here. I want us to make the case for pride – the right kind of pride.

Authentic Vs Hubristic Pride

But before that, let’s understand human nature. We are more than just “homo - economicus”, we desire status, glory, prestige, social belonging. We are motivated by love, pride; envy and rivalry.

That’s reality. And this realisation will help us make the “case for pride”.

Pride, in psychology literature (Tracy and Robins 2007), takes 2 forms: Authentic pride (beta) pride and hubristic (alpha) pride.?

Authentic pride?is a positive emotion that occurs after specific accomplishments, that boost feelings of self-worth. It is a deep satisfaction, a fulfilling sense for a life lived in a certain way.?This is as close to definitions of happiness and “life satisfaction” as it can get.

Evolutionary psychologists believe that authentic pride helps us adapt – because it encourages to continue to approach life enthusiastically – and help others.

Hubristic pride occurs when we experience pride in the absence of any event or achievement. It's an inflated self- opinion associated with arrogance, over-confidence, complacency, even aggression. It's vanity. Narcissism, being extremely self-absorbed, hypersensitive to criticism. Lack of empathy. A tendency to manipulate.

Hubris?comes from Greek -Υβρι?-, where it meant "excessive pride, violating the bounds set for humans" an insult that was always punished by the gods.

These two types are very different emotions.?Both speak to our “ego”.

The first is values driven. The second is fragile - and dangerous.

Pride is based on truth, hubris on delusion.?

I suggest that Ego is not the enemy. The fragile, insecure ego is.

The whole adult development journey is about constructing a healthy, well adaptive ego. Reaching the full potentiality of the Self. Accepting our limitations, dancing with our shadows. Deepening our intimacy with the Kosmos. ?

As with our ego, the solution is not to suppress or dissolve our pride but to properly cultivate it.

Many young people struggle because they lack “authentic” pride in their lives. Their raw (and so precious) energy is squandered to endless, often meaningless distractions. They see everything dark – “if the world is against us – what is the point?” ?

As leaders we must instil pride to our people – but how?

Hubris Screams. Pride Sings

Authentic Pride always comes from striving and overcoming.

Usually, it is a kind of test that we put ourselves to: To live and work in alignment with our most authentic values.

In a moment of reflection, think back, how:

…You carved your own path, doesn't matter what others thought - the opposite of hubris which is a cry for attention.

You built a business, lead teams, pushed boundaries, took chances, travelled in unknown lands.

You created something beautiful, bravely expressed your soul.?

You were kind but not willing to be bullied or stepped?on.

You gave it your best; you looked life straight in the eyes.

When everything seemed dark or impossible, when obstacles seemed insurmountable,?you persevered.?

You did not surrender to complacency.

You didn’t brag when you won. You lost with honour...

?You served a mission that was bigger than you. You asked not “What’s in it for me?” but “How can I help?”? ?

For pride to be authentic, it must be something we feel we have earned.

Authentic Pride and Humility are not Opposites?

Pride fills our cup, so that it "overflows” generosity and kindness to others. Our heart opens for the world. How could we give, if we do not have enough in our own souls??

True pride makes us more humble, more empathic.

Remember C.S. Lewis: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking of yourself less.”?

True pride builds trust in ourselves – we aren’t afraid to be challenged; we become better listeners and learners. We calmly acknowledge?our limits. We open our eyes; we appreciate the value in others.

Without pride we (unintentionally) develop insecure, weak, purposeless, even resentful,?people.?

Without pride, nihilism creeps. Young people feel lost. Life can lead dangerously to bitterness, depression.??

We blame others, we become cynical, suspicious, small, because there is something lacking deeply inside ourselves.

We compensate by seeking social validation, “likes and views”. We psychologically torture ourselves with?social comparisons. But a truly proud person has nothing to prove, he is comfortable in his own skin, secure.

Proud doesn't mean perfect. It means strong and centred. Pride builds self-respect.

It’s not only about the win, but how you played. How you showed up. This pride builds confidence to continuously be the best you can be.

It’s time to draw a clear line between authentic pride and hubris.

How to avoid hubris? Ask yourself:

·?????? Do I play well with others – or make it always about me?

·?????? Am I threatened or excited when I relate with smart, competent people??

·?????? Do I update my beliefs as the world changes?

·?????? Am I kind with others, but strict with myself?

·?????? How do I react when I attain significant power?

·?????? Do I always feel my side (or tribe) is right, the others are wrong?

Bring also these questions to your team.

***

Authentic pride lights our flame to become more, to love more, to dream more.

Through our work. Our music. Our struggles. Our personal example.

And in our own best way, we proudly serve the world. ?