The Deep Work of Real Change

What it Really Takes to Transform Your Life and Your Leadership

March 18th, 2010.

Fifteen years ago today.

That's the day I made a decision that changed my life.

I quit drinking.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and in those first few months, I thought that should be enough. I expected everything to improve just because I had made one change in my life. I thought my relationships would heal, my career would accelerate, and I’d suddenly become the person I wanted to be.

But nothing changed.

Nothing changed, because I hadn’t changed.

At first, I was frustrated. I thought, “I did the hard thing. Why isn’t the world responding? Why hasn't everything gotten better?”

I see this same frustration in someone close to me who is newly sober. He wants his quitting to be enough. He wants everything to shift in his life simply because he made this one decision. But it doesn’t work that way.

The world doesn’t reward you just for removing something, it rewards you for becoming someone different.

The truth is, quitting was just the starting line. The real work was understanding why I had turned to drinking in the first place. Why I had made the choices I made. Why I had avoided the deeper work of self-reflection for so long.

Until I faced those things - until I changed myself - nothing else was going to change for me. That’s the hard part of transformation. We want it to be as simple as stopping a bad habit, making a single big decision, or flipping a switch. But real, lasting change isn’t about what you quit. It’s about who you become.

But I didn’t do it alone.

That might be the most important part of this story. I had people who cared about me, people who pushed me, who held me accountable, who challenged me when I wanted to take the easy way out. I had mentors, people who had walked the same path, who didn’t just give me advice, but showed me what was possible. They didn’t let me settle for “good enough.” They made me face the hard truths, and they helped me become the person I needed to be.

I’ve seen this same pattern play out in leadership: leaders who want their company culture to improve but aren’t willing to examine their own leadership habits, executives who think a new strategy will fix everything but refuse to change how they communicate, execute, or lead, and people who expect an external shift when what they really need is an internal one.

Just like quitting drinking wasn’t enough to change my life, making one decision isn’t enough to change a company, a team, or a career. You have to do the deep work. You have to own your circumstances, take responsibility for how you show up, and stop waiting for the world to adjust around you.

If you're a leader who truly wants change, it starts with asking yourself the hard questions:

• What patterns am I repeating that are holding me back? The way you lead today is a result of habits you’ve developed over time—some good, some bad. What needs to change?
• Where am I blaming others instead of taking ownership? It's easy to point to external factors, but real leaders take responsibility. What hard truths do you need to face?
• How am I showing up for my team? Are you inspiring confidence, setting clear expectations, and holding yourself accountable at the same level you expect from others?
• Am I willing to be uncomfortable? Growth requires discomfort. Are you willing to lean into it, to face your weaknesses, and to make the hard changes that will actually move you forward?
• Who is holding me accountable? No one succeeds alone. Who are the people who challenge you, who push you, who won’t let you take shortcuts? If you don’t have them, find them.

Leadership, like transformation, isn’t something you do alone. The people you surround yourself with, those who challenge you, push you, and hold you accountable, will determine how far you go. If you’re in a moment of transition, if you’re struggling with something in your life or your work, ask yourself: "Am I waiting for things to change for me, or am I willing to change myself? And who do I have in my corner to help me do it?"

Because nothing truly shifts until you do.