Decluttering :: Back to Factory Settings (Part 1)

There is a saying that "you cannot give what you don't have", which could also mean that you only give what you have, so our ability to come up with new ideas or believe ones suggested by others is dependent on our already existing beliefs. It does not matter what environment we are in, we can come across an idea so good that its initiation would boost personal progress and not even know it. Do you want to know why? It is because the things we have always known contradict this new point of view. Though it is now in our subconscious, that space in our mind where the new information exists cannot be fully utilized because it is cluttered by what we already know and the potential will not be realized until this clutter is eliminated. This is why some people are more creative than others. Two people can look at the same thing but see different things because for one, there is a mental block caused by too many opposing ideas to what he sees which slows or shuts down progressive thinking and the other who has a free run at coming up with something novel as a result of more supportive inclinations in his mind of what he sees. For example, I had a Curve 2 once that took 8 minutes to boot, it was really frustrating. I remember always trying my best to ensure that it didn't go off or that I had no reason to restart it unless it did that on its own, which happened often. The phone acted this way for a very long time until I decided to wipe it and by 'wipe', I mean to return it back to the factory default setting (remove as many opposing forces as possible.) Apparently, the phone misbehaved because there was too much junk on it. I inherited that phone but never thought to take out the things I didn't need, so all the clutter reduced its booting speed. It had to be purged to perform optimally as originally intended by the manufacturer. The booting time reduced to less than two minutes as a result.

This is akin to how human beings function. So much is passed on to us by our parents and grandparents through our genes and by the society through association, yet some of us never objectively assess our actions, attitudes and beliefs to determine what is good and right even when some of these things may inhibit our creativity and progress in many areas of life. One way to grow out of the oppression of our mind is to embrace being like children who have little backlog in terms of information and experience, to do away with our stale beliefs and purge ourselves of some of our limiting thoughts, that is, to go back to our factory setting.

What do I mean?

I have been around a lot of kids and being around many children makes you realize how pure and raw they are. Their innocence is undiluted. They see things from an unbiased point of view never minding what you think. Every human was born this way (unless you dropped from the sky), with a clean slate mentally, emotionally etc. But while growing up, there were some experiences we had, events that occurred when we were younger – even the small, seemingly insignificant ones – that brought out all sorts of emotions from the inside of us; be it joy, sadness, anger, fear, disappointment and so on. Albeit some of us are better at handling these experiences than others, the after effects of these experiences are what influence our judgement, colour our perception of the world and shape the vision we have for ourselves which has a direct impact on how we feel, behave and the decisions we make as adults. This is why people argue; because no two people experience the same things. (The one thing I've come to realize about arguments is that two people can be on the same side of an argument but state entirely different points.) Research says that our belief system and most of the principles we base our lives on are structured before the age of 4. Therefore, what a child experiences growing up has major effects on her eventual outcome as an adult because these experiences turn out to be what forms what we come to believe as true. Most of us cannot point out the reason why we do some things, we just do. Every interaction with a person, movie, video game, book etc, has shaped us into who we are today.

The following is an excerpt from Michelle Obama's book, 'Becoming': "My parents talked to us like we were adults. They didn’t lecture, but rather indulged every question we asked, no matter how juvenile. They never hurried a discussion for the sake of convenience. Our talks could go on for hours, often because Craig and I took every opportunity to grill my parents about things we didn’t understand. Now that I’m an adult, I realize that kids know at a very young age when they’re being devalued (or valued), when adults aren’t invested enough to help them learn." This is just to emphasize the effect of good parenting on a little child. How many parents have altered the lives of their children because of their treatment of them at such a young age?

Experiences can be good or bad, doesn't matter, either way they become junk at the point where they are no longer relevant or just don't make sense. Though some beliefs stay eternally relevant, it is required of us to check and purge ourselves from time to time and this requires looking deep into the mirror because the environment that got us cluttered won't be the same one to declutter us. Though we don't choose which environment to grow up in, it is a huge factor in our life's trajectory. You cannot imagine what you have not previously encountered, from the luxury of a beautiful car to the feeling of a happy home, if you haven't seen or heard of it before, it will be hard (not impossible) to imagine. How you have always seen things being done will determine how you would continue to do them, unless you're willing to be uncomfortable, to explore and ask questions. There is this story of a king who singled out two people from the same family, told them to place a drum their heads and raise one leg and then positioned them on either side of his throne. This they did for him until he died and that family continued the tradition for every king after him. It was passed on from one generation to the next until no one knew why they did it and none bothered to ask. Then one day, somebody in the family questioned the act and no one had an answer. Not long after that objection were they forced to stop that tradition.

This shows us how our environment can determine how we operate. People from that family were limited for years because they did things the way it had always been done without asking questions. How many people suffer the adverse effects of traditional, societal or organizational beliefs? Are you doing what you're doing because that is what everyone in the family, society or organization is doing or because there is a legitimate reason? When we refuse to unlearn some things we have learnt hitherto, we are most likely going to be operating on expired knowledge wherewith we will inadvertently limit our own potential.

A relatable example would be me growing up oblivious to the fact that there were Nigerian CEOs under 50. I don't know how I came about that conclusion but I just didn't know there were CEOs in this country under the age of 50 until few years ago. Though a very mutable belief, it is a belief nonetheless which if I had not been enlightened, I would have never been able to see myself as a CEO under 40. Think about the white kid taught by his parents to fear the black kids or the housewife who drills it in her daughters how girls can only grow up to be housewives and a trillion more examples. Without breaking free of these limiting thoughts, one can never see the possibilities and opportunities that they otherwise would have seen. Our minds hold us down in more ways than we can imagine. Though it is not our fault those mindsets are there, it will be if they remain intact to inhibit our progress.

Talking about inhibitions, these clutters are not just beliefs, they could also be attitudes and behaviours. Beliefs control us internally while attitudes are manifested outwardly.

Anger - I've heard of people who lost opportunities because someone used their anger tendencies against them. There is no such thing as uncontrollable anger. If you understood the limitation under which you are operating by being quick to anger, you would realize that anger can be eliminable.

Comparison – Those who compare themselves by themselves are not wise, the Bible says. Living according to another man's clock is not only detrimental to our own speed as individuals, it can also have adverse effects on our direction. J. Cole said in his song 'Love Yourz', "The good news is you came a long way, the bad news is you went the wrong way." Story of so many people's lives, let’s not be one of them.

Laziness - You had your goals and New Year's resolutions list but haven't achieved much in July, you swore to yourself that the second half of the year would be better and then (boom!) Big Brother started. You then wonder in October what you did for the past three months, let me help you; you were held back by your laziness. Laziness is an inhibition that has to be fought deliberately. Human beings are lazy by default so a hardworking person has to consciously fight it every day through discipline.

Stubbornness - there are people who try really hard albeit ignorantly to ensure their own limiting beliefs hold them back. They argue blindly with "facts" not considering the possibilities of the error in their ways. These are people who no matter what you bring forward, they've got a counter argument and not for once are willing to share the opposite point of view. I have had people spew "facts" in my face and I'm somewhere in my mind wondering if they ever checked to confirm these facts. ALL OF US are guilty of this sometimes.

These are just few toxic attitudes detrimental to progress.

How can we then combat these inhibitions?

One way is intentionally moving to a new environment in search of a different atmosphere which exposes the mind to new possibilities. This new atmosphere constitutes interaction with new things and people and being around new people helps to remove the veil we didn't know we had on.

There are moments when we experience illumination (that "Eureka!" moment), things we never thought were possible but are made possible just by being in a refreshing atmosphere. We couldn't choose the environment to be raised in, but we can choose whether to stay there or not. Note, before walking on with the clarity of this newly found enlightenment, be sure to check its validity.

Another is being open minded and this is critical one. Think of how a child grows to know what he knows, if I taught my baby girl that green is blue and blue is red? You know what, to her, green is blue and blue is red. No debate. She would go to her school and argue with whoever says her father is wrong. Although I gave her false information, she believed it because she does not know better. As adults, we can learn from children this way, to listen to what another person has to say like we didn’t know better even if it challenges our principles. The advantage we have over the children as adults is our ability to assess the legitimacy of any opposing perspective later, but first, be open minded, it just might be helpful. Open mindedness is critical because being in a new environment without having an open mind will restrict what we can learn. You only enjoy the richness of the new experiences in a new environment if you are open minded. Going back to the example of the girls and housewife above; the girls are bound to be housewives unless there is a change of surroundings to where a working mother exists.

The society at large operates on its own varied brands of lies. They'd tell you, if you don't have an MBA, you can't do this and that. If you are not married at age this, you'd be that. There's always the question of "why?" That question has no answer. Nobody ever says anything explicitly, we just pick it up one way or another without a specific source and these lies have become the operating system of many people. But if you meet a person who achieved what you want to achieve without the societal requirements, though you increase your chances by getting that MBA, meeting that person makes you believe it is possible. I've heard someone say many times over how a particular company only accepts Master's degree holders but I know someone without one in that same company. Don't limit yourself to what you know or believe the norm.

A habit that can easily challenge our perspective is reading. Oh my! You would be amazed at how difficult reading is. When I talk about reading here, I'm not talking about reading tweets and blogs because reading tweets and blogs is reading mindlessly, and more often than not we immediately forget what we read after the momentary satisfaction. Despite all the clichés about how good reading is; research says 25% of adults will not read a single book this year, 33% of high school graduates never read another book for their entire life, 42% of university graduates never read another book after college and 57% percent of new books are not read to completion. The last stat proves how difficult it is to read as it forces to do away with distractions and focus on the pages in front of us. Finishing a whole book can be tedious as it requires our full concentration unlike tweets, blogs and even watching TV. It takes a lot of mental energy to read a sentence or word, figure out its meaning and why it was used or constructed in that context. I have so many books in the 'unfinished' list, it is not an easy feat.

Books are a glimpse into the past, present, and future, as interpreted by their authors. You can learn a whole lot about a topic just by reading a book because the book takes you deep into that topic, giving meaning and understanding. It is not like the catch phrases all over on twitter. There's an amazing amount of information lurking within the pages of a book waiting to be found out about where we are coming from, where we are going, everything all around us and how things work (including human beings.)

While reading you're developing images, thoughts, ideas and views in your head. You're processing a huge amount of information, to understand the concepts and ideas being passed to you by the author. And the more you know, the more control you have and the more you'll be able to share. You'll be a better human in general as a result; a better thinker and communicator, some problems get easier because of your wider knowledge base, and you'd get more creative in the process no matter the field.

I'm sure there's a book on how to control your temper if that's what you're struggling with, though I’ve never checked for that since I've never had a problem with that. Confidence, however, I have had a run-in with. I dug up books to help with it and consumed them like someone that had a problem.

Running a business? Get a book. In a relationship? Get a book. The best part is, you don't even have to face the problem before you tackle it. If it is a potential hindrance to your progress and you can get it out of the way, why not do just that? Be proactive.

A Word for Parents

This also speaks to parents on how you raise your children. Children develop more of a fixed mindset when their parents react to mistakes as though they are harmful and problematic. That child would grow up avoiding mistakes even though mistakes are a part of life, and when he does make a mistake, his countenance falls because he has been taught that they are bad. Children should learn from mistakes not think they are evil things that must be avoided. This is true even when parents say they are raising their children well. I've never heard anybody say to me some of the things I know now, could it be that I heard it when I was 2 years old? That little child you think understands nothing you are doing is being shaped by your every word and action. Children are always watching.

In simple terms. . .

As it is by default that we are students of our environment, we learn on the go. We are taught from childhood certain societal formulas and standards, and these formulas are ingrained in us forming the ideologies that we live by. The more of these ideologies in our system, the more we conform to the world. But we were not built to conform, we were built to stand out so it is imperative for us to eradicate any self-limiting dogma by renewing our minds with progressive ones (Romans 12.) The truth is, we can only see as far as we know and we can't go beyond our level of exposure. Every great visionary sees what other people don't because of the wealth of his knowledge-base and experience. But if the subconscious is filled with what is not necessary, you can only see and go so far. Some of what we've picked up from when we were kids up to this point are invisible anchors, they slow us down and the Bible advices us to strip off every weight that slows us down (Hebrews 12:1.) It is not enough to change your environment or friends. In fact, it is fairly easy to stop talking to someone or limit the time spent with a set of people who you think is holding you back. But to identify and admit our bad attitudes, it takes an incredible amount of self-awareness and courage. The hardest part of all is finding the discipline to stop thinking like you've always thought. Let’s declutter our minds and start afresh. Let’s give our creativity a smooth run. Like new born babies let us see with new eyes, for only a seeing being can look for what his heart desires. Everyone wants to cut toxic people out of their lives, but what if you are the one slowing yourself down?

"A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions." – Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.