The Declaration of In-Authenticity Contributing Author Brian Sommer

The Declaration of In-Authenticity

Confronting our In-authenticity: To be human is to be in-authentic.

Being in-authentic could be described as presenting ourselves one way but being another. Here is how it works guys; our in-authenticity and addictions come in many forms, from the need for acceptance, to being right, knowing the answers, being strong, tough guys, even a person who says that they keep or honor their word.

These addictions are inherent in all of us and are so ingrained that we believe these ways of being are how it is, and we cannot be any other way.

The Need for Admiration:

Guys, how many of you like myself has been bombarded with propaganda designed to have us believe that in order to receive the admiration of other guys, women, co-workers, friends, family, etc., we must be “authentic”, or “real” with others in the world?Secondarily, we have also been told and are led to believe that if we are kind of a phony in the world, nobody would admire us.

Therefore, we desperately strive to be someone we aren’t, authentic.

Counterintuitively, authenticity is only possible with the development of an authentic relationship with our own in-authenticity. The exploration, and confrontation of our in-authenticity is how we begin to get an honest view of ourselves.

The describing of our in-authenticity as wrong, it shouldn’t be this way, or the attempt to remove, deny, hide, manipulate or change our in-authenticity, all prevent us from getting a clear experience of our in-authenticity.

The simple… (perhaps not so simple for men) act of letting our in-authenticity be and not do anything, lets us get a clear experience of that in-authenticity. The more we let our in-authenticity be, the more it lets us be. As strange or contrary as that might sound from our point of view as guys. The refraining from “doing” something, actually allows for us to be something…authentic.

It’s in this moment that we can chose to be different. Here authenticity is an act of ownership, of owning the calculative clearing or space which we are of accepting the particular gift of just being.

Are you courageous enough to declare as I have? “I declare my own in-authenticity"…and in doing so, I have created a space for my authenticity to be expressed.

Thank you, Brian Sommer for being a Contributing Author for the Relationships Matter Monday posts for Men. Your honest commentary regarding the distinction between authenticity and in-authenticity was highly informative and appreciated. 

Thank you for reading. Please like, comment, share, and reflect.

Your thoughts are very appreciated.

Researcher's Bio

Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men, and more mature fellas stuck there due to complex trauma, make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive trauma-informed workshops in a program called, “From Crisis to Courage.” With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.

She does a weekly Relationships Matter Monday LI article for 16-24-year-old men and fellas stuck there due to trauma, is a frequent contributor here, and has a bi-monthly podcast called Crisis to Courage to give gentlemen an honorable platform for learning how to use their voices in a way which gets respected, instead of turning to the old standbys: anger, isolation, and numbing behavior, so they can be the men they were made, formed, and created to be.

Are you a man who feels stuck, and is not able to move forward due to anger, isolation, or various numbing behaviors? Do you feel something is preventing you from loving self, others, or having the life of your dreams? Please DM me and we can talk. There is help for you.

Crisis to Courage Podcast for Men Links below:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1130105/listings

https://open.spotify.com/show/0hBtQMFu6eOoHAJBZVRgiQ

https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xMTMwMTA1LnJzcw==

https://podcastaddict.com/podcast/3017583

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-pl-1258925

https://www.deezer.com/us/show/1372142

https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-platform-for-udrRN3OmV9o/