Decision Paralysis: the killer of drive and motivation
Being agile, both in business and in personal life, is great. It means that you can adapt and react quickly to change in order to take advantage of the various opportunities that appear. But this also means that you are likely to change the path you have set for yourself.
My problem was that as I progressed in one direction, I gained new knowledge. With that very knowledge, I would make a slight shift in that respective direction while still maintaining a clear vision of my goals. Now, if you keep at it long enough, making course corrections, you eventually have no idea where you are or where you are headed, but you just know where you want to get.
There is no clear indication that you are heading the right way to get where you want. And that’s usually the point when you start to backtrack or at least start considering it. Speaking of heading somewhere, there is a summary at the bottom of the page for those who don’t have a lot of reading time; for those who do, please continue.
My indecisiveness and how I overcame it
For me, it was very hard to either stick with what I had set out or follow the new direction based on new knowledge. Ultimately, I stayed a little bit flexible and said that I would stick to my end goal, but I would allow myself to make small detours if they would bring some benefits. It took me years to deal with this decision-making issue, and ultimately, I’ve found a way that works for me.
Due to being indecisive and overanalyzing, I felt lost, and depression followed soon enough after, which made matters worse because it added more indecisiveness and created a downward spiral. I struggled with this for about two years. The problem was that I never fully committed to something because I was constantly comparing and analyzing to see which was better or trying to find the best solution, approach, product or anything. I was needlessly very strict with myself and allowed myself a very slim margin for error. Moreover, I started comparing the current direction where I was heading with the new one, and that is where it got complicated.
There are deep-rooted reasons why I would overanalyze, be very strict with myself, and want nothing less than a perfect result or outcome. I will keep them for a different article where I try to explain my understanding of the psychological factors for those behaviors. Coming back to indecision and how I handled it, I would analyze the new opportunities and use my new knowledge to see if they are valid. If assessed true, then I would see how much I can deviate from my direction without actually changing my direction permanently. This means I would take a slight detour and then get back on the right track.
Sometimes, that detour might be a shortcut, other times, it might be a long way around, and on rare occasions, it might be a dead end. But because I’ve limited myself, it did not affect me as much. Here’s a solid example: I thought I needed to learn SQL and a programming language to further my career. I laid out a learning plan and started learning both. First, SQL was enough so I could run queries and update data, and a programming language on a high level so I could understand general programming and OOP concepts.
What woke me back to reality was when I started applying for jobs regardless of how “prepared” I was and I started getting calls nonetheless. By the time I was done learning both, I was already midway through my interviews for a new role. I didn’t need to be a master at both, and honestly, I am still learning them, albeit at a much slower and casual pace.
For the interviewers, it was enough to show that I had started and that I was willing. Of course, there were a few questions about SQL and programming, which I answered correctly. However, I was far off on my assumption that I needed them at what I deemed a solid level for my next career step. I will need both at a certain point when my career will be more mature. That is true. But I got the timing wrong.
If I had pondered endlessly what to learn and how or when, I would not have gotten anywhere fast. Most importantly, my old way of thinking would have been to stick with what I was doing or make a 180-degree turn and learn SQL and a programming language to a solid point and fully go down that path. It does not have to always be like this.
The realization. The epiphany. The way forward.
I can make a quick detour, see what it looks like, get a taste of it, and either then fully commit to it or get back on the road I was on. This was the best way I got rid of my indecisiveness. Simply test with minimal investment and see if it works out. Now, depending on what type of detour it is, it may take more or less time. This is correlated with a few things: What is that detour? How difficult is it? How much time do I have at my disposal? Can I take it at all?
The point is that being indecisive and spending days planning, analyzing, comparing, and pondering will lead to frustration, stress, and spending time on something that can bring little value. We don’t need to jump to extremes. Not planning, researching, or doing the due diligence is a mistake in itself. We just need to do it enough to decide if something is worth testing. We then test to see what some initial results are, and depending on them, we can invest a little more time. This is, of course, taking into account our goals and objectives. Whatever these may be.
Being focused on your goal will make you invincible.
Over the course of my life, I’ve had many goals and far more distractions or reasons to worry. I would spend time doing something and then get distracted by other things or worrying about something else. Some would be trivial by most means, some might have been related to friends or family, my job or social life, and a few were more serious.
I remember that at one point, I would spend quite some time with people and afterwards think about my interactions. The good and the bad, as with everything, there are ups and downs, and relationships with people are no exception to this. I would also periodically daydream about potential purchases or things I would have liked to do. Then, I would go down a rabbit hole and inform myself about those things. That is mainly the reason I know much stuff about various things, some more in-depth and some more on the surface level. It wasn’t until I set myself a very important goal, the greatest I’ve ever had and by far the hardest to achieve, that everything else was in a different light, and I saw them for what they really were distractions.
I’ve had friends who wronged me, made mistakes, or simply drifted apart. I would ponder what I would do if we ever met again. The answer now is simple. I would say “Hi” as a normal, decent human being; I would talk to them, chit-chat, and then be on my way. The thing is that once you have an ultimate purpose and you are committed to it, you start to not care anymore about the bad things in life or a great deal of things from life in general. Because if these are not helping you move forward, it’s not worth the time. Thus, we can split what we do in life into two categories: what helps us achieve our goals and what distracts us from them.
That is how you keep moving forward and focus on the important things. Set a goal and compare everything against it. That goal can be anything: friends, family, work, career, financial security, whatever your heart desires. Now, I am not saying use people to get ahead. Not at all. Be there. Interact. Help others. But if something adverse is coming your way, don’t stop and get mad at it. Simply avoid, if possible, take note of it, confront it, if need be, learn from it, and move along. Anything else is a waste of energy.
Picture this: you are in a hurry somewhere, and on the sidewalk, you see a puddle or a pothole. What do you do about it? Like any normal human being, you acknowledge it and avoid it. You don’t really spend a lot of time thinking about it afterward. Now, if you need to pass that puddle or pothole on a daily basis and it gets bigger by the day, you can’t take another route, and nobody is going to clean it or fix it; you will eventually do something about it yourself.
The road is your life or day-to-day. You are you. The rush is the task you have to do. The destination is your goal. The obstacle is the bad thing that happens; the fact that it gets bigger is a toxic factor in your life. One bad thing can be avoided; the generator, however, must be stopped or removed, or else it can create problems. You don’t even have to spend a lot of time on it. Just remove it. Sometimes, a simple and easy conversation is enough. I’ve had cases in my life when problems were just piling up, and I wanted to solve them, but I was too focused on the method instead of just doing it.
To put things in perspective, there is this eye-opening imagination exercise. I honestly can’t remember or find the source. If you know, please share it with me. The exercise is this:
Let’s say you have a fatal disease. You don’t know how much you are going to live, but you know it won’t be long. Would you still spend time in the same way? Here’s a better question. Would you still get upset and mad, have your feelings hurt, or would you spend the time you have to the best of your ability?
This question struck me, and I haven’t spent time in the same way since I thought about the answer.
Committing to what you decide
There are two rules that have helped me commit to the decisions I made. Now, aside from gathering information, analyzing it, and doing all of the necessary due diligence, and the general advice of not being afraid, taking risks, and whatever else motivational books say, I found the following pieces of advice stuck with me more than any:
1. If you make mistakes, make them early on
Sometimes, you cannot expect life to unravel as you have planned it. Life has a way of simply happening. Expect the worst, be prepared for it, but don’t live in the worst-case scenario every time. That is called catastrophizing, and it’s a psychological condition in which you consider the worst outcome to be the most likely one, even when it is highly unlikely to happen. I was doing it and that was fueling my indecision. In all honesty, I was scared most of the time and stressed out of my mind.
What was even scarier was deciding what to do and sticking to that because what if it goes wrong. For me, there was no other way around, and to move forward, I had to start moving. It sounds absurd, but it made sense at the time, and it was enough to get me started. One step at a time, I started moving. Mistakes were made, of course, but I did not let that stop me or distract me. I found that trying to make mistakes early on can save much pain later. If there is something high risk that needs doing, start with that and get it out of the way. If it does fail, it will cause less damage, and you gain experience which will help later.
Let’s say that I am torn between two projects (I cannot even begin to remember since when I have been doing this), and I don’t know which to start. I’ll start with the one that takes less time because if it fails, it will fail sooner than the other one, and if it indeed does fail, I’ll have this out of the way sooner than that other project. Equally, if it does not fail, at least I committed to something.
2. Don’t be afraid to cut losses
Measure how much effort you are putting into something and see what you are getting out of it. If it’s causing more pain than gain, it’s not worth it. Sometimes, pushing forward blindly isn’t the best approach, and then a step back can take you a long way. It will offer a better view of the situation you are in, and if you are able to detach yourself from it so, you can judge it objectively even better.
This ties in with the above point of making mistakes early. If something fails, it doesn’t mean you need to stop and just turn around. Sometimes, it’s worth giving it another shot. However, at some point, things are just not going to go your way. Maybe the approach is wrong, maybe there isn’t enough experience to see it through, or maybe it’s simply not going to work, and that’s it. I know I’ve done this a few times too often. I’ve had projects where I invested more than enough to understand they weren’t going to work. It’s like trying to keep a terrible car running. At some point, the repair bill is going to be so high that it would be better to cut your losses and buy another car.
Cutting losses does need one big character trait: courage, and a lot of it because you need courage to admit you are wrong. Sure, self-awareness is necessary first to realize that something is wrong and that you made a mistake, but I believe it is courage that will actually take you that extra step, pass the self-esteem or vanity, and actually enable you to stop putting effort in something that is giving back low or negative return.
I’ve been on both receiving ends. However painful it was to keep something with a low to negative return running, it was more painful to admit it and actually stop myself from pouring more resources into it. Once that has been done, the pain is over. Yes, self-esteem takes a hit, but feedback will always be there in some shape or form or will be given, and that will result in experience, so in the future, that pain generator won’t even be there. Yet, one cannot always push forward endlessly. Sometimes, a break is needed, and calling for a break, again, is something that requires courage.
3. Sometimes you’ll just be burned out. It’s okay to admit.
When we work hard on moving forward, we most often will not observe our energy levels drop rapidly. While we think everything is under control, and for the most part, it can be, we lose sight of the control we have over ourselves, which is slipping and will cause issues soon. When our energy levels drop, it hits hard. We suddenly feel like nothing is moving. The headwind is too strong, and even though we push as hard as we can, we feel like we are standing still. We work hard, yet the results are not there.
This might be due to the fact that, in part, the results will take time to appear, and we are setting the groundwork. Otherwise, our perception might be blurred due to fatigue. Mental fatigue. When that happens, it’s okay to admit it. It helps to be aware because taking a break and having time to replenish energy must be a part of the process.
It is not sustainable to work nonstop. You have to include a time to take it slow, even if you feel the need to speed ahead. Imagine you are a truck driver. You are paid based on how much you drive, and your goal is to make as much money as possible. Now, let’s consider two scenarios. In scenario one, you will drive only for eight hour shifts, and you will take some fifteen minutes breaks every two hours. Between shifts, you will take time to sleep, eat, stretch your legs, and do whatever else you need. Obviously, it is sustainable, steady, and safe, most importantly. Being well-rested and vigilant prevents you from making mistakes and getting into an accident, which might end your driving career. Thus, you can keep this style up for a long time and get the money you need to reach your goals.
Now, in the second scenario, you will drive for twelve hour shifts, and you will take twenty minutes breaks every six hours. This is very common. You won’t be well rested, and there is a real chance of falling asleep behind the wheel or not paying enough attention, which will result in an accident. You will make more money in the short term. But once you have that accident, it’s over. This is not sustainable. This is what happens when you get burned out and there is absolutely no shame in taking a break and recover, especially after a period of sustained high effort.
Summary and takeaway
Just to quickly summarize this article, being indecisive has had a major impact on my life and generated a lot of stress and anxiety as a result. Time was also spent on overthinking, over-planning, and simply being afraid to commit to a decision. Thus, in order to start doing something, I’ve started moving one step at a time and realized that I simply had to keep moving in order to get somewhere. Otherwise, I was just wasting time. It sounds obvious, but there’s just no way around it. The best thing is that once you’re dead set on a goal, pretty much nothing will stop you. So, to prevent my indecisiveness from creeping back in again, I’ve set out two ground rules:
They worked well together and kept me going, and helped me quickly try out things without the risk of going down a rabbit hole.
I was also paying attention to taking enough breaks. I obviously got burned out on more than one occasion and realized that taking breaks after long, sustained efforts is nothing to be ashamed of. Depending on the effort and how much time it was sustained for, that break may be longer or shorter. Recovery should always be part of the process and is never something to do, only in case of an emergency. It should occur as often as possible.
This was my experience with having a hard time deciding and what I did to keep myself going. Please take this with a decent grain of salt as what worked for me might not work for you, but I do hope this will offer some perspective on the matter and bring some awareness on the mental toll of both not deciding but also what needs to be done in order to be preventive of issues, deal with them, and not feel bad about the decisions in the first place.