Decide Every Week To Not Do This Thing

In 1985,?Charles Hummel wrote?a pamphlet suggesting that most people’s lives are ruled by things that are urgent. He added that most people don’t do enough of the things that have delayed gratification because there “isn’t time” or they “couldn’t get to it.”?

Like for the past three weeks I’ve been trying to do yard work that will pay off next spring…but something else always manages to supersede it.?

The issue with this reality is that?most people don’t do enough of what ultimately matters the most to them. Things like:

• Having the strongest possible relationships
• Being mentally, emotionally, and physically healthier
• Learning new skills
• Traveling to new destinations
• Saving, spending, and sharing wealth in the most productive ways
• Accomplishing difficult projects like starting a business or writing a book

In fact, most of the time,?most people will choose to do the thing that’s urgent over the thing that’s important.

Given the choice between having a difficult conversation with a teammate and responding to a few more emails, most people will do email.?

If presented with an opportunity to take time off of work for self-improvement and networking, most people will opt to just keep their heads down and continue working.

When tempted by the option of eating something already available but not so healthy or preparing a nutritious meal, most will go with the quicker food.

Why Do We Choose the Urgent Over the Important?

Several factors push us to address what’s right in front of us, including:

• Self-sabotage: We face urges to do things that: a) we are good at, b) provide instant gratification, and c) don’t make us uncomfortable. We knock out activities we’ve done a hundred times or check something off our list just to feel productive. We confuse activity with productivity, when in fact,?doing less?or?not having immediate visible progress?might ultimately have the greatest impact.
• Self-imposed or actual pressure from others: As Cal Newport explains in?A World Without Email, humans have developed a strong aversion to letting others down for fear of being rejected. Most people don’t want to be a blocker of productivity and want to be viewed as reliable and useful. If that pressure doesn’t come from inside us, it may come in the form of demands from our colleagues, boss, customers, and family. All of this internal and external pressure is often more about our own anxiety than it is about what’s truly needed.
• It’s most demanding and obvious: More often we DO what we SEE. Things like interruptions, texts, emails, tidying, requests, and scheduled activities present themselves and scream for our attention. To not do them feels illogical at best and negligent at worst. If the whack-a-mole pops up, our brain says?Smash it!?The squeaky wheel gets the grease while the more important needs get postponed.
• We don’t know who else would do it and don’t want to ask:?Delegating work to others can be really difficult because we think we’ll do it best, don’t have time to explain it to someone else or fear that others have enough on their plate already. This causes us to hold on to control and responsibility and forces us to carry the weight of potentially unnecessary responsibility. Holding on to control may also limit the growth and empowerment of others.

The Number 1 Thing to Not Do to Escape the Tyranny

Recently I’ve been doing a weekly review of my to-do list to reclassify items as “To-Don’ts.”

To-Don’ts are urgent ideas/requests that I’ve rationalized attending to but might actually be self-sabotage, self-imposition, or only on the list because they happen to be visible or there’s seemingly no one else to do them.?

Reclassifying things I’ve already decided to do requires interrogating each to-do for a moment to ask?why are you there on my list and do you really need to be?

Perhaps you could try this too.

You can choose to:

• Eliminate,
• Delegate or
• Do differently

You might even need to:

• Decline,
• Disappoint someone or?
• Determine a better way forward

The longer I’m in leadership, the more aware I am that my impact depends upon my ability to disappoint people, decline opportunities, and determine a better way forward.?

You and I have limits. We either live within them or get tyrannized by them.

Reclassifying to-dos to to-don’ts is a way of opposing the tyranny, breaking free from the self-sabotaging, self-imposing, overly obvious, unnecessary tasks that you and I too often do.?

The bottom line: Every week, decide to not do urgent activities that aren’t as important as your anxious mind might have rationalized them to be.

Make a list every week of To-Don’ts, and bit-by-bit you’ll make progress toward what ultimately matters most.

What are you going to remove from your list today?

Patterns are Inevitable. Growth is Optional. Check out my award-winning book Four Patterns of Healthy People to become more aware of the healthy and unhealthy patterns in your thoughts, relationships, ego, and daily operations.

Analyze Your Opportunities for Growth.?Join other leaders and discover how well you are leveraging your strengths and opportunities. It’s a free tool for your self-awareness. Just click here.

About the Author. Matt Norman coaches and advises executives on how to build great people and culture. He is President & CEO of Norman & Associates, which offers custom coaching and consulting in the areas of talent strategy, personal effectiveness, planning, and goal alignment. Norman & Associates also provides Dale Carnegie cohort-style action learning programs to help people improve how they communicate, lead, influence, and work together.

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