Debunking the Myth of Choice in Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity

Over the weekend, I came across two topics:

ONE - "The question now is to ask ourselves, how will we react if / when our children come up to us and say they identify as a they / them?"

TWO - "LGBTIQ is not an option when we give them the right foundation"

?

I think the first one is a potentially divisive topic, but for me, I think the right answer should be:

"The best reaction would be to respond with love, support, and an open mind. It's important to listen to our children, understand their feelings, and affirm their identity. Our role as parents is to create a safe space where they feel valued and accepted for who they are. By embracing their journey, we show them that they are loved unconditionally, which is essential for their well-being and self-confidence."

?

Now, let’s go to the million-dollar topic - ?"LGBTIQ is not an option when we give them the right foundation".

?

Now, just to provide context, this was made by a person with a conservative religious background. Someone with their own beliefs of relationships, marriage, and family as a principle. Now of course, this definition is further fortified in an Asian context with patriarchal values. Then again, let’s not fool ourselves because this happens almost everywhere – even in Australia, Europe and especially the USA, juxtaposed against a divisive Presidential election split between liberal and conservative sides.

?

Sexual orientation – is it a choice?

In a small town, a young man named Alex grew up with a family who believed that one's identity could be changed with the "right foundation." They were convinced that sexual orientation and gender identity were choices influenced by upbringing. When Alex came out as gay, his family tried to "correct" him with conversion therapy, hoping to realign him with their beliefs.

Despite their efforts, Alex remained true to himself. The therapy only caused him distress, revealing that such practices were not only ineffective but harmful. As Alex grew older, he found support in a community that embraced his identity, proving that acceptance, not alteration, fosters true well-being.

Alex’s journey illustrates that sexual orientation and gender identity are inherent traits, not choices. Embracing diversity and offering unconditional support is essential for creating a healthy, inclusive environment.        

?

The statement "LGBTIQ is not an option when we give them the right foundation" implies that sexual orientation or gender identity is a choice influenced by external factors. Here are some key arguments against this line of thinking:

?

1. Inherent Nature of Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity: Sexual orientation and gender identity are intrinsic aspects of a person, not choices influenced by external factors. Research and lived experiences consistently show that these aspects are core to an individual’s identity and not something that can be changed through external influences.
2. Scientific Consensus: Leading medical and psychological organizations, including the American Psychological Association and the World Health Organization, affirm that being LGBTIQ is a natural variation of human identity. They stress that sexual orientation and gender identity are not choices or disorders but rather normal aspects of human diversity.
3. Lack of Evidence for "Conversion" Approaches: "Conversion therapy" or similar practices aimed at changing sexual orientation or gender identity have been widely discredited and condemned by health professionals. These approaches have been shown to be ineffective and harmful.
4. Diversity of Experiences: LGBTIQ individuals come from all walks of life and have diverse backgrounds and experiences. The idea that a "right foundation" could alter someone's inherent identity ignores the complexity and variety of human experiences.
5. Impact of Acceptance: Evidence shows that acceptance and support improve mental health and well-being for LGBTIQ individuals, while rejection or attempts to change their identity can lead to significant psychological harm. This supports the understanding that acceptance, not alteration, is the appropriate approach.
6. Historical and Cultural Evidence: Across different cultures and historical periods, diverse expressions of sexual orientation and gender identity have existed, further indicating that these aspects of identity are not a modern or externally influenced phenomenon but a part of the human experience.
7. Ethical Considerations: The notion of trying to change someone's sexual orientation or gender identity based on the belief that they are "wrong" or "need correction" is ethically problematic and disrespectful of individual autonomy and dignity.

?

Understanding and respecting the intrinsic nature of sexual orientation and gender identity is crucial for fostering inclusive and supportive environments for everyone. Unfortunately, ignorance and exclusionary behaviour are major inhibitors. To assume one truth and to impose one’s beliefs at the expense of inclusion can drive homophobic behaviours.

?

Right foundation – what is right anyway?

In a tight-knit village, Mei’s family believed that a strong foundation could shape one's identity. They tried to mould her into traditional roles, assuming that the right upbringing would lead to the "correct" choices and identity. When Mei came out as bisexual, they were perplexed and felt they had failed in their foundational role.

Despite their well-meaning efforts, Mei’s identity didn’t change. It was clear to her that sexual orientation and gender identity are intrinsic, not a result of upbringing. Mei found acceptance and love in a diverse community that valued empathy and respect over rigid definitions.

Her journey highlighted that while a strong foundation can influence choices, it can't alter core aspects of who someone is. Embracing a foundation of unconditional love and support, rather than imposing a singular view of "correctness," allows everyone to thrive and be their authentic selves.        

?

There is merit to saying that a strong foundation can influence a person’s life choices and identity.

But there are also flaws around that statement; it shows that the person saying that does not appreciate that sexual orientation and gender identity are complex aspects of who we are, and they aren’t something that can be simply chosen or unchosen based on upbringing. They don’t understand that people don’t decide to be LGBTIQ any more than they decide their eye colour or height—these are aspects of identity that are deeply rooted and often understood over time, rather than shaped solely by external influences.

The concept of a 'right foundation' might mean different things to different people. For some, truth and righteousness is about teaching religious beliefs, and values which in turn translates into traditional definitions of relationships and family. And this is still very common in Asia. But there is a much bigger and complex world outside of this reality, and by extension – many other definitions of truth. It doesn’t make this one wrong, but it also doesn’t make this the only right one.

?

For others, it could mean instilling values like love, respect, and empathy, regardless of who a person is or who they love. When we focus on these core values, we create an environment where everyone can thrive and be their authentic selves.

?

It's also worth noting that many LGBTIQ individuals come from loving, supportive, and values-driven families. Their identities don’t reflect a failure of foundation, but rather the natural diversity of human experience. By accepting this diversity, we can help everyone feel valued and respected, rather than creating an environment where they feel pressured to conform to certain expectations.

?

Ultimately, we should aim to build a foundation based on unconditional love and understanding, which allows people to grow into their true selves, whatever that may look like. It’s about supporting everyone in their journey, ensuring they feel safe and loved no matter what.

?

Discussion Guide

Unpacking the statement "LGBTIQ is not an option when we give them the right foundation" requires a thoughtful and empathetic approach, especially when engaging with individuals from religious and conservative backgrounds. Here are some questions and topics to explore in the conversation:

?

• Clarify the Statement "What do you mean by 'right foundation'? Can you explain what that looks like for you?" Purpose: Start by understanding their perspective and the values they believe should guide upbringing, setting the stage for deeper exploration.

?

• Reflect on the Concept of 'Right' "Do you believe there is one 'right' way to live or express oneself? How do you feel about diversity in human experiences and expressions?" Purpose: Encourage reflection on the idea of a singular "right" way of living, opening up the conversation to the acceptance of diverse experiences.

?

• Explore the Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity "How do you understand sexual orientation and gender identity? Do you see them as innate, chosen, or influenced by upbringing?" Purpose: Delve into their beliefs about the nature of LGBTIQ identities, whether they view them as inherent or shaped by upbringing.

?

• Examine the Concept of 'Choice' "Do you believe that being LGBTIQ is a choice? If so, what informs that belief?" Purpose: Directly address whether they see sexual orientation and gender identity as choices or inherent traits, further clarifying their understanding.

?

• Discuss the Role of Environment and Upbringing "Do you think that someone’s environment or upbringing can change their sexual orientation or gender identity? Why or why not?" Purpose: Explore their views on how upbringing and environmental factors may or may not influence identity, linking back to the initial discussion on foundations.

?

• Challenge Stereotypes and Assumptions "Are there any stereotypes or assumptions you hold about LGBTIQ people? How do you think these views might impact your understanding of them?" Purpose: Encourage self-reflection on potential biases, fostering a more open-minded dialogue.

?

• Consider the Intersection of Faith and Identity "How do you reconcile religious teachings with the experiences of LGBTIQ individuals who also identify with your faith?" Purpose: Explore how they navigate the intersection of faith and LGBTIQ identities, acknowledging the complexities involved.

?

• Examine the Role of Religious Texts "How do you interpret religious texts that mention homosexuality or gender identity? Do you think there is room for different interpretations?" Purpose: Open a discussion on the interpretation of religious texts, potentially allowing space for diverse viewpoints within their faith.

?

• Consider the Perspective of Human Rights "How do you view LGBTIQ rights in the context of human rights? Do you see any conflict between religious beliefs and supporting the rights of LGBTIQ individuals?" Purpose: Balance religious convictions with the recognition of LGBTIQ rights, framing the discussion in terms of human rights.

?

• Discuss the Impact of Support and Acceptance "How do you think support and acceptance from family and community impact the mental health and well-being of LGBTIQ individuals?" Purpose: Highlight the importance of support networks and the potential negative effects of rejection, fostering empathy.

?

• Talk About Love and Compassion "How do you see the role of love and compassion in responding to LGBTIQ individuals within your faith community?" Purpose: Connect the conversation to core values like love and compassion, emphasizing their importance in responding to LGBTIQ individuals.

?

• Invite Stories and Experiences "Have you ever had a meaningful conversation with someone who identifies as LGBTIQ? How did that experience shape your views?" Purpose: Humanize the conversation by encouraging personal stories, building empathy and understanding through real-life experiences.

?

By asking these questions, we can help foster a deeper, more empathetic conversation that challenges assumptions and encourages a broader understanding of LGBTIQ identities within the context of religious and conservative values. The goal is to open a dialogue that respects different perspectives while also advocating for inclusivity and acceptance.