For Death Is Worst For The Living

Yesterday, my brother died. The message sent to my Facebook messenger from my son?Kyle?was dark direct words of bad news. It was the most impactful moment of the day yesterday. I rushed to Skype Kyle, and even after, I couldn't process what had happened. In the thickness of shock, I didn't realize that my reflection on my siblings' relationships would measure the rest of my day.

"Be strong, everything will be okay, that's life, be thankful for he is in God's hands", said blurs of people around me. I nodded, but inside me, something twisted. As people called by, I stood in a daze, offering their awkward condolence. Be strong for who? I thought.

I could hardly breathe. I was barely listening. Strong was the last thing I felt.

Knowing the terrible accident that befell my brother and his wife, I existed in a heavy fog. I was robbed of his physical presence in the here and now, and I, with the rest of the family, also lost the chance to spend our tomorrows together. Life after my brother's death becomes a filled-thoughts of "if only"," we would have", and "I wish."

My family would never be the same. Our pain is almost visible from Facebook posts written by nephews and nieces, from relatives and friends, from the children of my brother who lost both their father and mother tragically together, and even to some of us siblings whose deep silence is hurting. Our Facebook covers are in black in the wake of our loss, seeking out additional help while coping with our grief that sat coiled and waiting in our chest, needing to be released.

To the four children my brother left behind, Tarah?Asia Teimel, Nat2x Prince J Nollagam, Arom?Roman Carlo Magallon, and?Brandon Magallon; the cruel irony is that grief is very much a living thing, and it doesn't stop until those of us is in its grasp and takes our last breath as well. For death is worst for those left behind, the living. It's not necessarily easier as it goes, especially now. The whole clan may grieve in many of the same ways that you do, but in many ways, our grief differs. Although you're surrounded by people who condoles with you at this moment, you will feel that void of loneliness because you will miss the two most important people who you could truly be yourself. The pain will be real and the grief deep because it lashes the most hurt when you go through the pain of missing them.

I miss them too.

A family of eleven siblings. Eleven. Our sibling relationship varies in different degrees of closeness, love, and amicability. Some may be thick as thieves, and some distant because of the age gap or frequency of getting together.

My brother's death brought me thinking about the ties of this family bond, for each of us has known each other the longest. I understood and lived our story together with the siblings I grew up with and with whom I have the longest memories. My siblings are the most judgmental people I know. But they are also the most accepting - and the most loving people in my life. Siblings can never be replaced, and when one goes, it breaks the hell of sadness inside me.

From eleven, now we are eight.?

Life is indeed short. I like to believe that we will live a long life, but honestly, there are no guarantees. I hope that my brother's death will inspire us to make changes that will lead to a more authentic life.?

I was the 'flower girl' at my brother's wedding. Yes, I was. Rest my brother Cedric. Rest my sister-in-law, Sola. Rest in peace.

You may have gone too soon, and I may not understand the circumstance of the why. I love you, and I will silently cry to bid you goodbye.

This is written in dedication to my brother and sister-in-law. I lost my big brother due to a horrific motorcycle accident with his wife on April 8, 2017. This note was published the following day. On May 26 that same year, less than two months after my brother's death, my dad died.??

Silence.

Then, I stopped writing.

I have cried tears, and I'm not done crying yet.

Link: https://www.facebook.com/notes/cristina-magallon/for-death-is-worst-for-the-living/1798994430126242/