The death of the Queen, a new era of uncertainty and the need for conscious, collaborative leadership with heart.

With the passing of Queen Elizabeth II, it has been said that one of the last symbols of stability is gone. Christmas Day at 3pm will for many I'm sure, feel very strange.

Perhaps that is partly why an estimated that 5.1 billion people (approximately 60% of the world's population) watched the Queen's funeral last Monday, marking the end of an extraordinary life, reign and era. Over 100 heads of foreign governments and 2000 guests from 175 countries were seated in Westminster Abbey to pay their respects to a women who, at 21, declared that her whole life would be devoted to service. At a time of great social and political division, I found the show of unity heartening.

After the death of her father when she was just 25, Elizabeth ascended the throne. When my father was the same age, his Dad died too. He's never fully come to terms with the loss he experienced whilst raising his family, and he wasn't under the spotlight of scrutiny, expectation or pressure that she was. Or a woman in a highly male-dominated world. When I was the same age, I was taking off to backpack round Australia.

The power of collective grief and collective awakening

I was raised to celebrate the Queen and respect the Royal Family. As a very young child I thought we were somehow related (her Silver Jubilee Party fell on my birthday) but on the news of her death, I was surprised by the sense of loss and range of emotions I felt. In some spaces my grief felt collective and understood*. In others, tolerated but not shared. The Queen modelled traits such as discretion, pragmatism and diplomacy, and more recently, a wicked sense of humour. Many described her (especially in her later years) as warm compassionate and kind. When I lived overseas her figure-head presence felt somehow reassuring, but equally now, working in leadership, I wonder what more could she have done?

Becoming a Queen's Guide at 14, I learnt about teamwork, stepping out of my comfort zone and lower middle class privilege. A fairly quiet and shy child, I found a commitment and drive I didn't know that I had and am pretty sure that's when my thoughts around leading differently started to form. Over the years I've found the Queen's commitment to her faith inspiring and answering to a higher power seemed to give her humility, courage and much strength to draw upon. Although I stepped away from being a Christian after experiencing the very closed mindset and brules** of a local vicar, past major bereavements led me to develop a spiritual connection with an unseen energy or power and I cherish the expansion and openness to possibility it brings.

As a women I admired the Queen's strength of character but as the founder of Leadership Redesigned and a change-agent who stands for conscious, head-and-heart-centred leadership, the "Keep Calm and Carry On" and "Never Complain, Never Explain" mantras don't sit well with me. I'm sure the Queen felt much more than she ever let on but the stiff upper lip now feels unproductive and possibly even harmful, in some situations.

If we all go forward together, we shall be able to make of this ancient commonwealth, which we all love so dearly, an even grander thing — more free, more prosperous, more happy and a more powerful influence for good in the world.

Since the Queen's death, I've found myself reading and learning about the Mau Mau uprising and the reality versus the truth that the British government have sought to promote around the Empire and the Commonwealth. If we want humanity to thrive, I believe that painful but necessary conversations around privilege, racism and inequality must be had and we must be willing to listen to each others experiences and views.

What can I give vs. What can I get?

Much has been written and shared about Elizabeth Ⅱ, the girl, wife, mother, grandmother and great grandmother, as her role and responsibilities as Head of State, Head of Nation, Head of Commonwealth, Head of the Church of England, Head of the Armed Forces and Patron or President of over 600 Charities.

Being a constitutional monarch, which meant that her powers were symbolic and ceremonial, and she was?politically neutral, the Queen may not necessarily have been aware of all that was done in her name but it's these grey areas that I sense it's time to transform.

The Queen lived through almost ten decades, World War II and the rise of social media. She's observed change and to some degree has been a part of it. Much has been made of the "men in grey suits" and the organisation that stands behind the throne. In leadership today we are redesigning what leadership looks, feels and sounds like, and whilst I'm not in favour of abolishing the monarchy altogether, I believe a fresh approach is required.

The secret power of the Queen

According to Jean Oelwang, some of the most successful people in the world all have a secret power - the ability to partner. In Partnering: Forge the Deep Connections that Make great Things Happen , Oelwang illuminates the core thread that weaves through sixty extraordinary partnerships and collaborations. Remarkably, these six principles are common to meaningful partnerships of all types: platonic, family, business, and romantic and at the centre of most great human collaborations.

There are many times I've yearned for someone to collaborate, share the load and sense check with - on a personal and professional level - but years ago, discussing a business idea with a friend who was a few steps ahead of me and ran his own company, I shared the desire for my business to be a partnership. My friend strongly advised against it and I came away feeling "less than" him for even thinking this! When I suggested to a partner, he'd be a sounding board for the challenges I was grappling with in my business, he made it clear he wasn't on board!

The Queen first met her "strength and stay" Prince Phillip when she was just 13 and their romance developed into one of the most solid of life-long partnerships that she widely credited for much of her success. In public he was expected to walk several paces behind his wife, (completely contrary to the role of most men at the time) but privately it is said, they were equals. After his death and the Covid restricted funeral when the Queen stood alone, I can't imagine she ever felt quite the same again.

Connection vs. working in isolation

I've been consciously moving away from hyper-independence for a while now and having recently "partnered" with 7 other leaders to create a short ebook: Transforming Leadership looking at 8 common challenges leaders face, I know there are so many benefits and growth edges to partnering up. Of course it's not always easy, but I love the idea of "celebrating friction" and the mindset shift of listening from the perspective of "What if it's the other person that's right?" (something we'd all do well to consider at a time when so many polarising views are held.)

Leadership is changing and in the last few weeks in the UK we've seen a new Prime Minister (a woman instead of a man), a new Metropolitan Police Commissioner (a man instead of a woman), a new King (a man instead of a woman) and we are yet to see the impact this all will have.

Whilst the pound plummets and we face fresh pressure on energy costs and higher repayments on our mortgages, we can be thankful we have homes, seeing the destruction and devastation happening in in many parts of the world, and perhaps take this opportunity to look at how we want our world to be going forward. Some disliked the pomp and pageantry, 10 day official mourning period, and don't want leaders who "reign over us" but I found the time to reflect and process beneficial, and the pride of our armed forces and military services and their desire to pay their respects with so much ceremony, powerfully moving. I went to London twice to be a part of history and was there when her death was announced.

I'm mixed on the value of the monarchy as I am on much of the current leadership I see. I'm not oblivious to the errors and mistakes that were made but I also respect the courage it takes to step into positions of power and the energy it requires to stay there. Never before have we all had so many opportunities to speak up, rise up and ensure our voices are heard, without fear of losing our heads if we do so.

I will miss the Queen presence but I'm also very ready for a new energy, new beginnings and new leadership in all walks of life.

Love to know what you're ready for too?

* Thank you to Julia Samuel MBE and Dr Lucy Selman for their wise event on collective grief, the emotional fallout that can occur when someone in the public eye dies, public mourning and healing. Insightful.

**Brules are bullsh*t rules, a term coined by Vishen Lakhiani and explained in Code of the Extraordinary Mind, The: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed On Your Own Terms .