Death Is My Gateway To Life

Live a fuller life, use your mortality in your favor, and prepare for your inevitable death.

Yesterday, I hosted my first All-You-Can-Eat death lunch. We took turns sharing with the group what we'd want to share if it was our last moment.

This is just one instance in which I've brought the truth of mortality into my events and social connections. There are countless others I want to share here.

In my experience, bringing mortality to the forefront in my gatherings and in my relationships does wonders. I become more attentive, grateful, and patient. My guests connect more courageously and authentically.

So consider this article an invitation to point out the elephant in the room: there's a last time to every experience.

There will be a last time you see the people in this room.

Just this phrase has the potential to change your gathering. Two nights ago, I did exactly this. It was someone's birthday party and I got everyone into the same room to share some appreciation for the birthday boy. On introducing the activity, I said "There will be a last time we see this guy."

Here are 5 actions you can leverage mortality to improve your gatherings.

1 Eye contact

I am a big fan of habits. They have a trigger and an action paired together. So I developed a habit to continuously remind myself to be present, forgiving, and kind to humans in my vicinity.

When I look into their eyes, I remember they're mortal.

2 Use the last time.

Name the elephant in the room by using the last time phrases. 'This is the last time we'll be sharing this moment in precisely this way. There is a last time we will see each other too.'

3 Host a death event.

Host a dinner or discussion night on the theme. Give your participants prompts to reflect on beforehand. My prompt for my lunch was — "What do you want to share with your friends and loved ones before you die?"

4 Host your celebration of life

This summer, I am booking a summer camp and hosting my celebration of life before I die. I want to do this as an experiment, because I plan to live forever. I think it will be fun and new for people.

You know you're going to die, so why not be present at your celebration of life?

5 Prepare for death.

There are two ways to think about this. 1. Logistics. 2. Emotions.

Logistics — writing your will, documenting instructions and passcodes, explaining what you want your loved ones to do with your body.

Emotions — this is trickier. A feeling of being ready-to-die... now that's a feat. If you know how to get here, give me some advice.

Here's what has worked for me.

• I don't know when I am going to die. And I have no control over horrific accidents. It will come when it comes, when I am ready or not. I've accepted this.
• I don't believe there is a self to die... Stay with me for a second here. I practice the philosophy of non-duality, which is about experiencing consciousness as closely as possible. When you pay enough attention to how events unfold, you realize there is no self 'thinking' or 'deciding.' Things are just happening. Thoughts are appearing. The world is changing.

There you have it. My plan to cheat death... Aha!

Final Recommendation

Live every day and social interaction like it's the last time. Keep this in the back of your mind.

—

If you're feeling thankful, could you like or comment this article? What wisdom do you have to share with other readers? We'd love to hear your additions.

If you liked this, you'll like my blog about well-being and health. Sign up for?access to my best tools.

Thanks for spreading healthier human connections ??

— Jacques, The Chief Connection Scientist

I help leaders address burnout and turnover by implementing an evidence-based human connection strategy. Open to new approaches? DM me.