Death - the last taboo?

Death. Not a word we see frequently in blogs or on LinkedIn. Yet, as the adage goes “Nothing is certain but death and taxes.” Those of you who are regular readers of LS blogs and features will know that we care hugely about well-being in all its forms: mental, physical and spiritual.  Bereavement is perhaps the one part of well-being that is the trickiest for colleagues at work (and friends at home) to deal with because, well, we don’t talk about death, do we?

We have a bereavement policy at LS, as I am sure most organisations will do. However whilst these are focused, rightly, on the person who is grieving, I am not sure that a policy actually helps other people in the organisation to know what to do. So, I have gathered a few tips which may be useful to help to support colleagues who are coping with bereavement.

Address the elephant in the room: When someone has returned from compassionate / bereavement leave there is a huge temptation for us to carry on as normal. It is not only us Brits that suffer from "stiff upper lips." Many of us don’t know what to say and therefore say nothing. However even the most awkward attempt at sympathy will be acknowledged and appreciated, even if not at the time when offered.

Line Management Responsibilities: You will have undoubtedly had contact with your team member ahead of them returning to work. However you should also communicate with your team members ahead of anyone returning to work after compassionate leave. Answer any questions they may have. Line managers, colleagues and HR professionals should work to create opportunities for individuals to speak in confidence about their grief experiences. Continuing to create time and space to do this is vital. It is not just a one-off.

Meet me where I am: The 5 stages of grief and loss are: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance. People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them. They may not act as "normal" - a usually calm person may be angry; an out-going person withdrawn. This can be part of the grieving process so try to meet them where they are. Not every day will be doom and gloom. If they crack a joke, laugh (or not!) as you usually would.

In short, the more we start to have conversations about death and to understand what role we can play - however small or insignificant - to support a colleague's coping strategy the better our organisations will become at promoting well-being at all times.

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What prompted me to write this article is because this week I lost one of my dearest friends who died suddenly aged 47 leaving behind 2 young children and a wonderful husband. She was a brilliant lawyer. Her ability to focus on the heart of every matter – legal and not – coupled with a desire to give all her advice from a place of kindness and truth meant she was a formidable advocate. She applied her talent with an intensity of productivity that allowed her to be effective in finding a balance between her work and home lives'. She always took the time to help younger lawyers to learn and grow and did not shy away in telling them when it was not good enough. She firmly believed that we should always give of our best, as she always did, in all areas of our lives. We did our Masters of European Law together in the mid-90s and she became one of my best friends. She is the first of our cohort to die. Tanto amor, alegria y ternura - cualidades que tu, mi querida Nata, ha demostrado todo tu vida. Te quiero mucho and I miss you even more, my friend.