Death Of A Child

Death of a Child

Death of a child?is a subject that no one wants to have to face, but it happens. Children die and parents are left to grieve. The death of a child at any age is devastating to the family. Parents, grandparents and siblings all grieve, each in their own way. The purpose of this article is to help parents that may be going through the unimaginable trial of having lost a child and trying to move forward in life while grieving this terrible loss.

Grieve Separately and Together

As a couple you must weather this storm together, but each person has to grieve the loss in their own way and in their own time. Be wary of putting your expectations onto your spouse. Your partner may be grieving in a completely different way than you are. You need to grieve your own way and give your partner the room to do the same. All the same, you should be sharing your feelings with each other and doing your best not to isolate yourself from your partner and other family members

Seek Council

You don’t have to suffer alone.There are support groups, grief counselors and clergy who are trained in counseling couples who are grieving. You may not be able to go and talk about your loss right away, but there may come a time in your grieving process when you feel ready to do so. Don’t force yourselves, but know that there are others who understand what you’re going through and can help you get through it when you’re ready to try to move forward.

Support Each Other

aIt’s going to be hard for you to show up for each other when you’re both in so much pain. Give each other grace and forgiveness rather than blame and what ifs. Understand that your partner is having the same experience that you are, whether they express themselves the same way or not. Where you need to talk things through, your partner might not be ready and you should do your very best to support the choices they are making. If grief is too raw to express, simply sit with each other, give lots of hugs and loving touch, just be there with your partner to let them know that they are not alone. Anger is an honest expression of grief, and both of you need to be able to express what you’re feeling without hurting one another more.

Focus on Remaining Children

If you have other surviving children, the truth is that they need you. Their grief is just as devastating to them as yours is to you. While you may not feel capable of properly parenting them due?to the death of a child?while you’re grieving, you still need to do your best to be there for them. Enlist help with basic housework and childcare, but prioritize spending time with your kids. Even if the time you spend is holding each other and crying together, that is what needs to happen. The only way that healing can begin is to process the grief and pain that you feel. You can do that together with your kids. As much as you should not isolate yourself, your children should not either. Pay attention to what they need, and get professional help for them to get through this devastating time. Very young children may not completely understand what is happening, and will need patience and understanding to find their acceptance of the loss.

Memorialize the Lost Child

It’s helpful to memorialize the lost child with a place. Not just at the cemetery or memorial park, but at home. Make a garden marker, dig a pond, plant a tree; make an oasis where family members can go sit in quiet reflection that is dedicated to your lost loved one.

Dedicate an Annual Event

Remember your child on his/her birthday with an activity dedicated to them or an adventure taken in tribute to them. This allows you to let your grief change to remembrance and helps to turn the day into a celebration in honor of their memory rather than a painful day of grieving anew. Share your happy memories of the lost child, and do something on that day that you know your child would have loved doing with you.

In conclusion, there is no one way to grieve a lost child. Everyone who loved your child will need to process the loss in his/her own way. There’s no timeline for grief. Don’t let anyone tell you that you need to do anything differently. Do the best you can and that’s all that can be asked of you. Only you will know when it’s time to change your child’s room, or donate their clothes or toys. You may never be ready to do that, and that’s okay.

You are there to help one another not let grief consume you. Someday, hopefully, you will be able to accept your loss and move forward with your life. That doesn’t mean you will forget your child, it only means that you accept that they are gone and are committed to living with that acceptance. Hold onto your partner and let them hold onto you through this storm.

I urge you to get help; hire a professional who is trained in grief counseling . Go to family therapy. Don’t try to navigate this all on your own while you’re both in such intense pain. There are resources available to grieving couples and families in every state. Most hospital systems have crisis hotlines and there are grief support groups through local churches and hospitals as well. Ask for referrals and help each other find what you need to get through the pain.

Share This Story, Choose Your Platform!