Dear Smartphone, I Swear I'm Not Addicted (Okay, Maybe a Little)

Ah, the Sunday dread. It arrives like clockwork—just when you’re relaxing after a weekend of well-deserved nothingness. That’s when it hits: the dreaded weekly screen time report. You know the one. Your phone, in all its infinite wisdom (and lack of empathy), decides it’s the perfect time to remind you how many hours you’ve been staring at its glowing screen.

And of course, it’s always presented with the subtlety of a hammer. "Your screen time was up 27% last week." Thanks for that, phone. I really needed a reminder that I spent more time swiping aimlessly through social media than sleeping or talking to actual human beings.

But let’s be real here: it was for work, okay? Those hours on Instagram? Researching the latest trends in meme culture. Totally work-related. The YouTube rabbit hole of cat videos? That was for creative inspiration! Every click, every swipe—it’s all about productivity. How else am I supposed to stay on top of the latest "how to organize your life" TikToks?

Yet, no matter how many internal justifications I make, my phone remains the ultimate passive-aggressive companion. “You spent 5 hours on You Tube last Thursday.” Yes, but do you know what kind of news was breaking? It’s not my fault the internet is a never-ending stream of chaos that I’m contractually obligated to monitor. It’s called staying informed.

Now, let’s talk about that "productive" category. Does anyone even believe that label anymore? My phone proudly displays how much time I spent in my notes app, as if jotting down “buy milk” at 3 a.m. counts as deep intellectual labor. Meanwhile, the real productive apps—like, you know, the email one—are conspicuously absent from the report. Suspicious, isn’t it?

So, here’s my humble plea to all smartphones everywhere: ease up a little, would you? Maybe instead of shaming me with stats about how I used Maps for a grand total of 10 minutes (thanks for the validation, by the way), you could offer a more supportive message. Something like, “You crushed that Netflix binge—self-care, baby!” or “Nice work replying to one email today!”

The screen time report could use a little more humanity, a little more nuance. Because, after all, it wasn’t mindless scrolling. It was for work. I swear.