Dear Privileged White People: This Dirty Job Can't Be Oursourced

Dear Privileged White People,

I’m writing you to implore you to get involved in protecting your human rights and the rights of others. I’m not writing to the 28% of Americans who oppose reproductive rights for women. Those people can’t be won over. I’m writing to the 72%, especially the privileged white people who claim to be progressive and support a woman’s right to choose.

You need to dig deep and show up for this. We’re at war and the soul of America is the prize.

You can’t outsource this. It isn’t a house to be cleaned or a lawn to be mowed. You will have to do this work yourselves.

Ever since the news leaked about Roe vs. Wade being overturned, I’ve been seething. Then, ten Black people were murdered at a grocery store in Buffalo this past weekend, and my anger hit a new level. How is it that this country is going BACKWARDS? When guns and white supremacist hate are more available than women’s healthcare options, you know we have a problem. ?

Years ago, my therapist told me that anger was hurt. Our hurt manifests as anger because it makes us feel like we’re in control and not so powerless. It gives us a weird sense of agency because hurt leaves us feeling helpless.

These days, I feel a lot of hurt. The root of that hurt is seeing people clearly and knowing how this story ends.

So, permit me to be raw and real here. I’m sick and tired of the people who can’t make human rights a priority in their busy schedules.

We all know these folks. They’re white, have tons of privilege and are on a continuous hamster wheel, allowing their schedules to run them each and every day. They portray themselves as allies and activists for myriad of progressive causes, yet they only react to what’s in their inner circle.

This country is at a very real crossroads. It won’t wait for car pools, soccer games, vacations or busy Zoom schedules. If we don’t prioritize our human rights and the rights of others we love and care about, they’ll be gone. Newsflash: once rights go away, they don’t magically come back.

This country very clearly hates women, people of color and anyone who’s different.

As a colleague said last night, “America is so cruel to women.” She had just been on an impromptu scavenger hunt of sorts, looking for baby formula because our government prioritizes the profit interests of $43 billion corporations like Abbott over families.

She’s not wrong. Let’s review how this “pro-family” country treats women and their families:

• Zero paid family leave to accommodate bonding, breastfeeding and surmounting postpartum issues
• Zero support for childcare – a situation that has worsened during the pandemic
• Tax on diapers! 35 states tax diapers, considering them to be a luxury item
• 28 states have a pink tax, meaning they consider tampons and pads to be luxury items and tax them accordingly
• American women are working more than ever and dominating almost all levels of education, yet we only make .85 cents for every dollar a man makes. That’s for white women. Add race to the equation, and the gap gets bigger.
• Women are still carrying the housework burden. Stunningly, the more money we make, the more housework we do (explain that one to me)
• Healthcare disparities still abound for women. Factor in race and socioeconomic challenges, and the disparities get much worse

I’m a member of Chief , a community of 18,000 executive women. I’ve been a member for three years. I remember applying for the $8,000 membership. I was leery about the value I’d receive. But I took a chance and applied anyway.

I’ve been delighted at the caliber of the other humans I’ve met. Their influence has been truly transformative.

That said, I was disappointed in my Chief community last night.

I organized a virtual meetup to discuss a national strike to push for equality. I had an idea to pattern the strike after the one that happened in Iceland in 1975. In that situation, reproductive rights were under attack. Over 90% of that country’s women went on strike to demonstrate their importance. That was a watershed moment and led to the election of Iceland’s first female president and the first woman in the world to be democratically elected as a head of state.

This is the sort of progress we need to be pushing for here. I want an equal rights amendment to the constitution so women can truly have equal protection under the law. I want to tackle the myriad of issues we STILL face. I want to see a female president before I die. I can't do this alone.

Over 80 women RSVP’ed for my event. 26 amazing ones showed up. ?I have another one scheduled today with only 105 people signed up.

Let’s do the math: out of 18,000 highly educated and affluent women, only about 1% care about their reproductive rights and only .14% care enough to show up for 60 minutes. ?

I've done lots of free professional development events for Chief members. I do this because I know women are at a disadvantage and I'm committed to getting them to the C-suite and other positions of power. I've had almost 200 attendees at some of those meetups.

We seem too busy or too afraid to take up space and stand for something that matters like human rights. Or maybe we're just too entitled and figure it's someone else's fight.

This is the story of America: everyone sits around and waits for someone else – someone “less busy” -- to do the work for them.

I run a business by myself. I am the intellectual property for the entire business. I can assure you that I’m appropriately “busy.” But I’m never too busy to do the right thing. Human rights are a priority in my life.

Parents perplex me the most. This is the point where I own that I am not a parent. I was married to my college sweetheart for 20+ years. I always thought that pregnancy would happen for me when my body was ready. I came from a big, Catholic family and always imagined I would be a mom.

Then, in 2009 I had surgery to remove an ovarian cyst – after two long years of struggling to get a proper diagnosis. In post-op, my doctor told me that she encountered a significant amount of endometriosis in that procedure. She believed that it would be difficult for me to have children. My parents were in the room when she told me that. I remember my mom bursting into tears.

Imagine my surprise when I learned I was pregnant at the age of 41. That can only be described as the low point of my life. Weeks earlier, I had just learned that my husband had cheated on me with our real estate agent. I was hanging onto my well paying toxic job for dear life and loathing every minute of it. I was just starting to unravel the significant trauma from my childhood. I was suicidal.

After weeks of anguish, I made an informed decision to terminate my pregnancy. I couldn’t saddle a child with my emotional and mental baggage. Neither I nor my ex-husband were mentally well enough to parent a child.

I was lucky. When I showed up at one of the few abortion clinics in Tennessee, I had no hurdles other than my own emotional ones. I parked my Lexus in the parking lot, made my way past the tiny number of permanent protesters out front and handed over my credit card. Unlike the other young women in the waiting room, I didn't have to beg and borrow to ensure my destiny and exercise autonomy over my own body.

It was a heartbreaking decision, and I’m also grateful I had the choice to make it. No woman should be forced to have a child against her will. At its core, this is a basic human rights issue that also directly affects economics. Having agency over our own bodies is a core freedom.

So, my question for you parents is this: what sort of world are you leaving for your children? And why is it that I and others are willing to fight for your kids and so many of you aren’t?

From where I stand, our legacy looks like a mean-spirited, burning one. I find it hard to believe parents are ok with that. But in the absence of action, that’s the score.

Just remember, this dirty job can’t be outsourced and it won’t wait for your schedule to free up.