Dear Parents of any kid involved in sports, Do you know anything about leadership?

Dear Parents of any kid involved in sports, I think we can do better. This letter is for you.

Watching my kids struggle on and off the field is one of the most challenging experiences I've ever had in my adult life. I'm sure for most parents, you can relate. As a father, I'm always learning because, after age eight, I basically have no experience.

I always stress the significance of leadership with my kids. A great leader ALWAYS gives the credit away for success while ALWAYS taking the blame for failure. I know, at least for my son, he understands that, but he doesn't have much experience with loss. This past month has been challenging for him. With the highs and lows of playing QB for his football team, he has tasted some great success (and I'm right there to share with everyone), but he's also had some devastating setbacks. Those are things that you don't see because I don't share them. What my kids don't know is that failure is the best way to become a leader. That may be tough for some people to understand, but it's 100% true. Show me someone who truly knows how to lead, and I guarantee they have a vulnerable story they could tell you about a time things didn't go their way. I can assure you, I'm raising leaders by leading by example.

But, this isn't about the kids. This post is about the parents of the kids. We can do better. I know we can.

As parents, we want to protect our kids from failure. We want to strike back at those who cause them pain. Trust me, I am very opinionated and will be the first to admit it.?I've said and done things that are contradicting, and I certainly haven't always set the example as a parent. I have, on the other hand, been a coach before. I know what it takes to devote your time to helping these kids see their potential and not their setbacks. I had also had success and failure as a player as I was cut from my club team when I was a kid. It rocked me. I'm grateful that my mom was there to show me how to respond. You may not know this about me, but I moved to Indiana from Minnesota by myself 20 years ago to play college soccer. That's not the point.

The point I want to make is this. We critique the kids for the way they play. We critique the coaches for the way they coach. We tend to blame someone else and make excuses for our kids. Still, We fail to realize that we are creating complacency and, even worse, patronizing them. Meanwhile, we can't even run a mile, we don't work out, we sit on the couch, and we yell at the refs, and nothing is ever our fault.

This past fall, many of our kids entered middle school and, for the first time, were told they didn't make the team, or worse, realized they weren't good enough. That stings. Some of us have watched our kids lose a football game or not get enough playing time in any particular sport. We fail to recognize that the example we are setting for our kids is a significant setback for them as future leaders. Suppose you don't demonstrate how to overcome a challenge the right way. In that case, they will undoubtedly be following in your footsteps someday.

It's not the coach's fault. It's not another player's fault. It's not always the kids' fault, but, instead, it's YOUR FAULT!

Are you honest with your kid? Do you set realistic expectations? Are you relying on a coach to teach your kids how to play? Are you forcing your kids to play something they don't enjoy? Or are you encouraging them? Are you out in the yard every day throwing them passes, playing catch, or shooting hoops? Are you finding ways for them to improve outside of practice? Or are you just bitching about everything that doesn't go their way?

All I am saying is this. If you are a parent who thinks you need to alter the future for your kid rather than having them discover it for themself, you're doing it wrong.

GET OFF YOUR ASS and GET OFF THE BLEACHERS AND ON TO THE FIELD.

Be an encourager, not a complainer. Be a source of inspiration and motivation, not the opposite. Calling the coach to complain about playing time or not making the team is leadership, just not the kind you want to show your kids. Kudos to all of you parents out there that DON'T do that. And a HUGE thank you to the coaches out there that volunteer their time. I know how much time it takes.

I recently had a conversation with my son's football coach, whom I have admired more and more these past two months. I will reiterate what I said to him after my son had a challenging game this past week. "I'm sad for my son but grateful for times like this where I can be there for him. To let him know it's ok and show him how to respond in the face of adversity." It's a teaching moment.

I think we all need to ask ourselves, "what am I teaching my kids?"

Thank you, Dave, thank you, Ryan, and thank you, Jake, and thank you, Kyle. Your sacrifices and dedication don't go unnoticed. As a father of two kids who play, I can assure you I'm rooting for you as well.

For those parents I see complaining all day on the sideline, let me know if you're up for a game sometime. I'm down.

Derek