Dear Mr. Player ...
Karen Bontrager
Founder Crisis to Courage for Men I Podcast | 16-24 | ★ Money & Thought Leader | TBRI Trauma Clinician | LMHCA Therapist | ACC Trauma Coach | No Fear in Love Race President | Coaching | Scholar | Fierce Men’s Advocate
Dear Mr. Player... you act like no one sees you, but eventually all will too through the veil of lies, you desperately hide. - Karen Bontrager
I have had countless conversations with guys who in my estimation are players. Since the typical definition is someone who cheats on their wives girlfriends, or partners, mine is more expansive.
Let me explain.
Normally, a player is a man who has many sexual relationships. He cannot devote his heart to one because underneath is so insecure due to complex trauma.
This man believes if anyone ever really knew him rejection would occur. Therefore, he goes from person to person to avoid the intense pain of discovering truth.
In my experience as a coach, counselor, and trauma clinician working with traumatized men 25+ and guys 16-24, there are too many fellas who don't necessarily cheat physically, but emotionally display great infidelity. They have many different people in separate boxes, which makes those who love them confused and overwhelmed because the relationship is an emotional rollercoaster.
Some indications you are a player.
1. You have a trauma/traumas, which no one knows.
2. You come on strong, and then back off when a woman falls for you.
3. Your emotions are a roller coaster; unpredictable and wild.
4. Even in marriage/dating, your partner does not know about all your relationships. Secrets loom.
5. There is always an underlying fear for being exposed as an imposter.
6. Infidelity is your norm, which provides excitement at first, but later angst and torture.
7. Many innocent people have been hurt by you.
There is a better way to live.
Realize, just like an overstuffed trash can which is unable to hold anymore, you too, are not designed to carry such pain, or to cope through anger, isolation, numbing, and/or predatory behavior. Eventually, Mr. Player, these strategies will fail.
Therefore, decide today to tell someone safe, so healing can take place. Being whole is absolutely available.
Thank you for reading.
Your thoughts are very appreciated.
Author’s Bio
Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men, and fellas, 25+ stuck there due to complex trauma, make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive trauma-informed workshops in a program called, “From Crisis to Courage.” With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.
She does a weekly Relationships Matter Monday LI article/poem/commentary for 16-24-year-old men and fellas, 25+, stuck there due to trauma, is a frequent contributor here, and has a bi-monthly podcast called Crisis to Courage to give gentlemen an honorable platform for learning how to use their voices in a way which gets respected, instead of turning to the old standbys: anger, isolation, and numbing behavior, so they can be the men they were made, formed, and created to be.
Crisis to Courage Podcast for Men Links below:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1130105/listings
https://open.spotify.com/show/0hBtQMFu6eOoHAJBZVRgiQ
https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xMTMwMTA1LnJzcw==
https://podcastaddict.com/podcast/3017583
https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-pl-1258925
https://www.deezer.com/us/show/1372142
https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-platform-for-udrRN3OmV9o/
Are you a man, 16-24, or more mature, 25+ which feels stuck mentally, and is not able to move forward due to a traumatic past, which shows up as anger, isolation, or various numbing behaviors, and needs support? Or, do you feel something gets in the way emotionally from you loving self, others, or having the life of your dreams, but are not sure what? Please DM me on Linked In for an opportunity to talk.
Laurea university of Applied sciences
3 年This is so good Karen. Thank you It hit right home . My husband is 45 years old and suffers insecurities. Yep he’s a player & thinks he’s slick &suave. I see it all. We don’t need a tenth sense to figure this out. Such games are repeating from generations. It’s archaic and rusted. One doesn’t need brains to catch infidelity. It’s hilarious the way he does it right under my nose. It’s disrespectful to himself. In my presence he’s going at it with any cashier (his voice changes, facial expression changes, the body language is different, the lies and anger begin, the blaming starts, the yelling and controlling is endless) oh dear! I want him to find help. But he denies it all. He’s been living in denial . I’m praying for my husband to find healing and peace. Hope people know Christ Jesus and live confidently and courageously in His light. I have compassion for the people who suffer from insecurities. My heart goes out to the partners and spouses who aren’t aware of these dark secrets. Proverbs 18.22 22 When a man finds a wife, he has found a treasure! For she is the gift of God to bring him joy and pleasure. But the one who divorces a good woman loses what is good from his house. To choose an adulteress is both stupid and ungodly.
Founder Crisis to Courage for Men I Podcast | 16-24 | ★ Money & Thought Leader | TBRI Trauma Clinician | LMHCA Therapist | ACC Trauma Coach | No Fear in Love Race President | Coaching | Scholar | Fierce Men’s Advocate
3 年I wanted to thank each person here who reads, comments, likes or the other emoticons, reshares, or (x). Countless hurting men world-wide have privately DM me that this was the exact thing they needed to hear. - God bless you all for caring. You mean the world to me.
Emmy-Nominated TV, Video & Event Director | Messaging Strategist | Author, “The 7 Disciplines of Relationship Marketing” | Leadership and Near Death Experience (NDE) Keynote Speaker ?? ?? ??
3 年I've known players and I have found that they are so much in search of love and validation... so insecure but finding something that makes them feel alive in the chase, yet kills and haunts them in the capture and release Karen Bontrager
I tackle Burnout at the Root with proven methods to 2x your time, and maximize productivity | Certified Counselor | Public Speaker | Podcast Host | Sub to my newsletter in my featured section ??
3 年Gold once again my friend. Very grateful for you. I pray this would save marriages or those soon to be married. Blessings to you Karen Bontrager
Inspiring You To Lighten Your Day By Better Protecting Your Health And Handling Challenging Situations With Grace And Success / Best-Selling Author / Laughter Yoga Teacher / Improv Comedy Performer / TEDx Speaker
3 年Another great article Karen Bontrager - I especially like the part about talking with others and being vulnerable.