Dear Mariella...

International Women’s Day has come round once again. This year I find myself with an eighteen-year-old daughter, considering her own ambitions, what the world has to offer her and indeed what she has to offer the world. Apart from making me feel incredibly old, listening to her talk makes me appreciate how much we have moved forward from the world I met at eighteen.?What glass ceiling? What do you mean there were careers considered more suited to a man? What is this thing about struggling for a seat at the top table? Why would having a baby impact my career any more than my partner's? There are a number of fears and considerations that we had to navigate in the past that don't phase this next generation.?

If anything, you could argue that my daughter looks at a future where the focus on shifting the dial on gender diversity means that her opportunities for progression have far greater odds than my two sons right now. She’s driven, knows what she wants and yet, amid all of this, I still see familiar traits and elements of apprehension that I recognise when I look back at my eighteen-year-old self.

It made me reflect on my own journey and some of the lessons I have learnt along the way. I confess this is a tad more personal than the stuff I usually write about, but in the spirit of International Women’s Day, I’m sharing what I wrote down for her. And yes, this is me being brave too…?

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Recognise when to give the perfectionist in you a day off?

I’ve watched you work hard to be the best. In your own words you state that ‘failure is not an option for you’. You conscientiously move up through different stages and celebrate each that you pass, only once you feel 100% convinced that you’ve nailed it. I’ve loved the way you strive for perfection, I know your work ethic is strong and the standards you commit to will always deliver excellent results.???

There will however be times when opportunities arise, where that gift of perfectionism can also be the curse that slows down your own career progression. Statistics and indeed my own experiences in hiring people over the years show that men are still quicker to put themselves forward for an opportunity, even if they don’t have all the required skills, whereas women will often hold back until they are absolutely convinced they can nail it.??

The big secret is that you rarely need to be perfect?before you start, as most of it comes as you learn on the job. Fear of failure and of not having everything perfectly ticked off, can all play a role in holding people back. ?So learn when to tell the perfectionist in you to take a day off, be brave and put your hand up early. I guarantee you will be no less qualified than most others with their hand up.?

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Stand on the shoulders of giants?and build your network

Isaac Newton wrote “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”??I love that metaphor and the idea that when we listen and learn from those who have paved the way before us, it enables us to see further and take things to new heights.?

I’ve found my own giants over the years, women?and men who I’ve looked up to and have been influential in my career journey.??I also learnt quickly that I didn’t need to wait for an offer of help, but to be proactive in connecting and developing relationships with the people who inspire me.??The amount of times I’ve asked a person I respect?and want to learn from the question ‘Can we meet up for a coffee -?I’d love to pick your brains on a few things?’ It’s a request that rarely gets refused but the insights gained from these informal meetings, along with the rich relationships that many have grown into over the years, have helped to shape me and opened doors that I would not have believed possible at the start of my career.?

The value of building a diverse network of people you trust, who don’t all think the same as you, who are not afraid to give unpopular advice, who spark new ideas with you, and importantly help you not to take yourself too seriously, is one that I cannot overstate.?

My own has been a mix of those giants, alongside trusted colleagues, clients and even competitors.??Importantly I’ve also learnt so much from those I’ve been asked to mentor and through some of the younger partners at Emperor. They teach me as much, if not more in our discussions - I love it!?

Seek out those giants Mariella, build your own diverse network and don’t be threatened by those who see things differently to you, they often become your wisest counsel!??

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Don’t let hormones hold you back?

Over the years we’ve laughed together about the curse of hormones, the tears, the fears and the battles on both sides that we’ve chalked up to that time of the month!?

Unfortunately, this?doesn’t?magically disappear when you go to work - the impact ‘that day’ or for some ‘that week’ can have on the way we think, behave, our confidence levels and the decisions we make can unfortunately for many be no small thing.??There is such power in simply recognising this and being self-aware if it is a thing that affects you. The email you then wait 24 hours to hit send on, the self-flagellation you sense check with the calendar, the opportunity you pause on turning down,?biting your tongue, rather than launching that full scale assault?when you sense the red mist?descending...?

On the other side of this, hormones have been the scapegoat for opinions described as hysterical, that were actually a direct call out of behaviours and practices that needed to change. A convenient excuse to disregard an individual's point of view and reinforce that dangerous practice of an imbalance of perspective on key decisions.?Thankfully, we’ve watched this change over the years, with an onus on organisations to better support and understand the challenges individuals face around this issue and routing out prejudicial practices previously faced.??

This is not an easy one to navigate but just be honest with yourself, recognise the times it may influence your perspective, and remember to hit the pause button when you need to.?

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Seek out the elusive work-life balance…?

I’m still trying to master the work-life balance thing. Yep I know, I did not pass with flying colours on that front! I’ve experienced the burnout, the hopeless pursuit of trying to do it all, fallen into the classic comparison trap and at times convinced myself that sleep doesn’t?really?matter anyway…?

I’ve also experienced the absolute highs of when hard work and sacrifice is rewarded - that moment you crack a pitch after weeks of eating, sleeping and breathing it. The richness of friendships that have deepened with colleagues and clients through collaboration and shared pain at 2am in the morning as you work to meet a deadline.?

Balance and pace are key and your generation is teaching mine lots on this front!??Expectations are different, hybrid working gives you far more options and presenteeism is fast becoming a thing of the past (thank goodness!) You will see a much healthier attitude to work, where wellness initiatives and greater awareness around how we can work smarter mean a very different outlook going forward.?

Do that occasional all-nighter and experience the thrill of giving your all to crack something. Don’t be afraid of hard work, find the balance where you love yourself as well as the work you do and please, if nothing else, have fun along the way!?

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Go smash it my darling!?