Dear LinkedIn Marketers: Please Stop 'Marketing' (Instead, Obey These 7 Proverbs)

PLEASE NOTE: This is NOT an AI-generated article.

Dear LinkedIn Marketers:

It may surprise you I never responded to your umpteenth email referencing an interaction we never had, a query with your company I never made or a call I missed that we never scheduled. I suspect I also seemed a bit antisocial when I ignored your truly creative offer to "go get blunted together" because, as you reasoned, I'm based in New York City. I apologize. But although I'm a career entrepreneur and one who appreciates a person with a bit of hutzpah, I think you're doing it all wrong. So I'm writing you this open letter so you and all who follow your lead will strike forth on the path of change. In that regard, here are 7 "Marketer Proverbs" I hope you will learn to obey.

First, though tempting, it's probably not a good idea to look at my website and then tell me it sucks. I'm not saying it doesn't suck. I'm saying it's not a good idea--at least not if you'd like my business--to tell me it sucks. This isn't a bar where you can waltz up to someone and try out some pickup artist's techniques. In business, there's always a reason something's done the way its done. For example, perhaps my website sucks because my teenager or some other non-professional created it. That might be because, in reality: I don't really need a great website. On the other hand, my website might suck because I don't know it sucks. But in that case, you offering to improve it leaves me bewildered and unconvinced. Finally, my website might suck because my company's in the process of changing it. In other words: you are too late. Thus, regardless of the reason my website sucks, one thing's for certain: there's no opportunity, at last not on that basis alone, for you to help me. The same goes for other aspects of my online presence (my profile, my blog, etc.) So the first proverb for you to remember is this:

• Marketer's Proverb #1: The marketer that criticizes their clients shall soon have no clients to market.

With that out of the way, let's consider a second point. I love Steve Jobs's visionary accomplishments. I really do. But last I checked, he was the only person of modern times to ever build a business by providing people something they didn't know they needed. Lots of businesses (e.g., insurance) sell people things they don't need. But Jobs found a way to sell us something we can actually use to solve problems we didn't know needed solving. So since that's an anomaly and since Jobs is gone, when you contact me out of the blue offering me something I didn't ask for, I wonder whether you believe we still live in an age before the internet existed. In other words, if I want some product or service for my business, I'll probably do an internet search to go looking for it. You don't need to keep bothering me about it or emailing me repeatedly when I fail to answer. Which then brings me the next proverb you should commit to memory:

• Marketer's Proverb #2: A (SEO-optimized) website seen is a website visited.

Yes! In other words, before you go criticizing a potential client's website--for which SEO might not even matter (yes, I'm still sore about that)--make sure your website, for which SEO is critical, is brilliant: with lots of endorsements, backlinks to happy customers, photos of clients smoking joints with you, whatever you want.

And that leads to a third point: Your website and your signature should make pretty clear what value you offer me. Yours doesn't. Here's what I saw when I got that unsolicited message from you through LinkedIn:

Robbie Butterylips [Weird smiling picture]: CDA, COA, CPR++, CCK (Cool Cat Killer), MPA, DBF... <long list of unknown/irrelevant credentials>| <smiley> <screaming cat> <bro fist> | Voted #1 Lead Massager | Thought Leader Extraordinaire | Forbes 60 Under 60 | I'll make your business your customer's wet dream, etc.

and that's kinda creepy. Seeing such a signature, I don't know what you do and I really don't want my children knowing what you do either. I think of dogs howling and people running away frightened. Instead, try to remember:

• Marketer's Proverb #3: Thy clients shall stick to the value proposition (as stated clearly in your signature or profile) that 'sticks'.

Fourth, getting that sticky value proposition together will depend greatly on the research you do. I find it interesting that you and so many of your marketing colleagues contact me without the slightest idea of what my business model is or how it differs from the next guy's. To be sure, for me to stay in business this long, it must differ from the next guy's. But since you don't recognize that difference and, instead, you offer me some generic solution, I can only assume you looked at my website only long enough to assess that it sucks. You didn't hang around long enough to read it or study it. And you certainly didn't compare it to my profile. Had you done so, you'd have realized I've been in business over 20 years. So, most likely, whatever problems I'm currently facing aren't related to knowing who my customers are or generating new leads or creating more engagement or, especially (if you looked at the website) in making cheesy photos.

In other words, by studying me and other potential clients on LinkedIn--and by 'study' I mean reading the articles we read and share, researching the people we're connected to, understanding the schools and industries we derive from, etc.--you can fashion a value prop that feeds us hungry and very busy lambs. In other words, you've got to put in the hard work so we don't have to, or in proverb form:

• Marketer's Proverb # 4: To the diligent (marketer) belongs the bread of his own and the lazy (marketer's) alike.

And another thing. I realize the term 'marketer' may have certain modern connotations which depart from the classic notion of a marketer. However, as a businessperson, I don't care what you call yourselves. I want a 'marketer' that can help me identify, understand and create new markets for my products and services. Sometimes--most of the time, actually--that requires innovating my products and services. But how and in what way? Presumably, that's where you come in. I can do the tweaking but how much and in which direction is black hole to me. And, given I'm running a business, I don't have time to locate and study new or shifting markets to determine what customers want. I'm not a marketer: you are. But if all you can do is offer me lead generation or the prospect of driving more traffic to my website from who knows where, you're not offering value. Taking a candid look at my business seeing how, perhaps with a bit of pivot, spit and polish, I can address a burgeoning market you've identified is critical. In other words:

• Marketer's Proverb #5: Rabbits have holes, spiders have webs, but your clients shall always seek new places to sell their wares.

Now once you create that sticky proposition, which embodies helping me tap new markets, for example, start doing some thought leadership that leans into what you know. I'm not talking about those silly ('content marketer') blog articles that start with a long, winding introduction that repeats the query before getting to the point--for example:

So you want to know about generating leads? It's great you asked! Here, we know all about leads. Leads are extremely important. The word 'Leads', stemming from the ancient Greek word, "Lidero", mean 'affection'. And that tells us that without leads, we will never get customers who, according to psychologists [unsolicited affiliate link], truly crave affection. And without customers, we will never have engagement. And without engagement, we will never have hugs. And without hugs, rabbits, somewhere in the world, will die..."

In other words, create real content. Real copy. Not bogus, low-IQ-creating, crap. In particular, don't write articles that attempt to serve two purposes: i.e., showcase your expertise and generate affiliate link revenue. The proverb to be understood here is this:

• Marketer's Proverb # 6: Thou cannot serve two masters with thy thought leadership; either your customers or your affiliate links will hate you.

After all this, it's showtime! What's left is doing for yourself what you claim you can do for me and other potential clients. But this is where it gets tricky. I should be driven to you, not because you send me an endless stream of messages using pop psychology to word them, but because you are proof of your own concept. For example: I'm in the consulting, training and coaching business. I'd love people to come to my website and hit me up with service queries as they do Accenture, PwC, McKinsey or even Simon Sinek. If these companies were people or if knew Simon personally, I'd view their websites and contact them, asking: "Can do for me what you did for yourself?". In other words:

• Marketer's Proverb #7: Success, my child, is its own best advertisement.

So my dear LinkedIn Marketer, please stop 'marketing', in the traditional, spammy, creepy and annoying way that has sadly become the norm on this great platform. Consider committing to memory these 7 proverbs and perhaps even adding a few gems of your own. May they help you and all who obey them manifest your clients in abundance!

Please repost! Any proverbs I missed? Please add them! And if you liked this post, please consider following me and the conversation. Also, join my email list where a podcast for leaders is coming soon!