Dear Kate, I don't want perfectionism to ruin my new job

Dear Kate, I am about to step into a career that I am very passionate about but it is extremely hard to get started in and I don’t want my perfectionist mindset to be a reason why I give up when it gets hard. How can I make sure I keep going?

That's so amazing to hear that you're stepping into a career your passionate about, what an exciting opportunity, but it's also scary. When you care deeply about something, the stakes feel higher, and suddenly, your perfectionist brain kicks in. "What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail? What if I can’t handle it?" These thoughts can be paralysing, stopping you before you even begin. But as you know, perfectionism isn’t protecting you, it’s holding you back. So, let’s work through it together.

Are You Letting Fear Make the Decisions? Perfectionism isn’t caused by high standards, it’s caused by fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough. But fear is just an emotion, and like all emotions, it’s there for a reason. Back in cave-people days, being rejected by the group could mean life or death. That’s why your brain panics when you think about making mistakes. But now? Making a mistake won’t leave you alone in the wilderness, it’s just part of the learning process.

So, let’s challenge that fear. Ask yourself: If things didn’t go perfectly, what’s the worst that could happen? Now, what does your irrational brain say would happen? Maybe it tells you that failing means you’ll never succeed, or that people will judge you and think you’re not good enough. Now, let’s challenge that. Is it true? Or is it an unhelpful belief? Most of the time, when we say our fears out loud, we realise they're untrue and they sound less scary. When you name your fear, you can reason with it instead of letting it control you.

Do You Allow Yourself to Be a Beginner? Starting something new means you won’t be perfect at it straight away and that’s okay! Imagine a child learning to ride a bike. They wobble, they fall, but they get back on. They don’t beat themselves up for not getting it right the first time. They just keep trying because they know that’s how learning works. Why should your career be any different? The most successful people in the world made mistakes and the only reason they're successful is because they kept going.

When you step into a new field, think of yourself as a sponge. Soak up everything; learn from others, observe, ask questions. Then, when you’ve gathered enough, wring out what you don’t need and keep what helps you grow. Trying to know everything straight away will only leave you feeling overwhelmed. Instead, allow yourself to be amazed by what you learn. Celebrate the small wins; every new skill, every challenge you tackle, every time you show up despite the fear.

And remember, a career isn’t just about the work, it’s about the people too. Connect with your colleagues, build friendships, and make your workplace somewhere you enjoy being. The more comfortable you feel, the easier it is to embrace the learning process.

Are You Being Kind to Yourself? Perfectionism thrives when self-compassion is missing. That inner voice that tells you, "You’re not good enough," or "You should have done better", that’s perfectionism talking. But imagine if you spoke to a friend that way. You wouldn’t, would you? So why do it to yourself?

Self-compassion isn’t about lowering your standards, it’s about making them realistic. If your goals are impossible, you’re setting yourself up to fail. Instead of beating yourself up when things don’t go to plan, ask yourself: Why didn’t I achieve what I wanted? Was I expecting too much? Did I need more rest? Was I scared and avoided it? There’s no shame in these answers, only lessons.

And when perfectionism creeps in, learn to self-soothe. For me that means speaking kind words to myself, lightly stroking my arms or legs for comfort, or having a soft blanket or something to fidget with nearby. Whatever it is, it needs to be something you can do alone, because relying on distractions or other people isn’t always an option. You need to be able to calm yourself, to remind yourself that you are enough, no matter what.

Perfectionism won’t disappear overnight, but with practice, you can loosen its grip. Allow yourself to be a beginner, challenge the fears that hold you back, and speak to yourself with kindness. The most successful people aren’t the ones who never fail, they’re the ones who keep going despite their failures and setbacks.

And if you need more guidance, or if anyone else has struggles you’d like advice on, message me on Instagram @the_embracecollective. Let’s work through it together.