Dear Intern....

Dear Intern:

“Homie, that is too hard.”

I feel a strong need to comment on your above reply to the most recent assignment I gave you, even as I wrap my head around the fact that you actually said this to me.

Let me share two concerns about your response…..

Concern One: Use of the word “homie” to address your manager, who also happens to be 35 years older than you.

According to the Oxford dictionary, a homie is “an acquaintance from one's town or neighborhood, or a member of one's peer group or gang.” Technically, we are acquaintances from the same town. However, we are not peers and neither of us (I believe) is in a gang. There is a certain assumed informality in calling me your homie that is not appropriate for our relationship.

When I was your age, I worked for Lederman’s Pharmacy, stocking shelves and scooping ice cream for customers at the lunch counter. My manager was the owner, Mr. Lederman. That’s what I called him. To this day I don’t know his first name. He certainly wasn’t my homie, and I most definitely wasn’t his.

To find something positive here, at least you didn’t call me “dude.” When someone calls me dude, I can’t help but think of them as the cliché of a clueless, lazy stoner. Lots of people have called me dude. To your credit, you are the first person ever to call me homie. You have found a completely new way to address me in a disrespectful manner.

Perhaps you were trying to bond with me, and it came off awkwardly. There are other ways we will bond, especially through good work, like completing the 750-word article you are expected to do.

Please never call me homie again. You don’t have to call me Mr. Neitlich. You can call me Andrew. That might have poor Mr. Lederman rolling in his grave, but it’s as far as I’m willing to let our civilization slide.

Concern Two: Telling me that your assignment is too hard.

I asked you to write a 750-word blog article about the growth of executive coaching. You are a sophomore at a respectable college. This assignment should be straightforward. Let me address your subsequent objections one by one:

“College doesn’t make me write this much.” You are not being truthful. During your interview, you told me you wrote a 10-page paper about likely end-of-the-world scenarios for your class “Writing and the Apocalypse.” If you can write 10 pages, then you can write 750 words. Otherwise, you are facing the apocalypse of your internship position.

“But this is not creative like college.” May I remind you that I am paying you. I did some research on this matter. You took five courses last semester and your parents paid $25,000 in tuition. Therefore, your “Writing and the Apocalypse” course cost your parents $5,000. Your parents actaully laid out $5,000 for you to write a 10-page paper about the end of the world. In comparison, I am PAYING YOU to write a 750-word article that might actually be helpful to someone. I AM PAYING YOU!

Here’s an alternative idea: Ask your parents to pay me $5,000 to continue employing you this summer. I’ll let you write whatever you want during our time together, and I’ll even give you a strong reference.

“I don’t even know what executive coaching is and I’m not an executive coach.” Well, thank goodness for the latter fact.

To your first point, may I request that you open the Center for Executive Coaching’s executive coaching textbook and read the first chapter? I handed it to you on your first day here and you pretended to be excited to read it.

“I don’t know where to start.” Yes, you do. You spend time on the Internet all day. I catch you all the time. You play Minecraft. You watch videos of other people playing Minecraft. You watch videos about the stock market. You watch replays of the top plays in sports. All you have to do is pop a few key words into Google and you are on your way. You might not get videos, but you will get helpful information.

Start by typing in “growth of executive coaching” – the exact topic of your assignment -- and I bet you’ll get an idea or two.

“Can’t I file or move boxes like at other minimum wage jobs?” You’re killing me. First, if we calculate your hourly wage based on your productive hours, I assure you that you are being paid much, much more than minimum wage. Second, you told me during your interview that you wanted this internship partly in order to get experience that would help you find a good job after college.

There is good news though: In this economy, there are many employers in town desperate for people to file or move boxes, as well as to bus tables, mop floors, clean bathrooms, and paint. I was thinking I was giving you a better alternative for your longer-term career prospects, but by all means apply to other employers if you find that kind of work more appealing.

The big picture is that you have made contributions as an intern, and I’m finding the challenge of working with you to be interesting. That’s why you get to keep your job after reacting to this straightforward assignment so inappropriately.

Next time, a better response than “This is too hard,” along with your subsequent resistance, could be: “Thank you! I’ll get right on this.” Move forward from there, get the assignment completed one step at a time, and ask me constructive questions anytime.

Your manager and not your homie,

AN

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