Dear <insert company name>... a letter from your customer

I know you’re busy, and you have got plenty going on… but sometimes I get the feeling you haven't thought about what it's like to be me for a while? I write this letter to remind you of what it's like to be a customer, and offer, free of charge and in good will, a few suggestions for improvement in case you wanted to keep or win my business.

I love service with a smile in your store or branch, however, your representative being generally rude, not knowing much about the products you are selling, or it being impossible to find someone to help me find out if something is in stock… I may as well go online?!

• Perhaps recognise that the customer experience you create for me in-store is your key competitive advantage.

Let’s talk about privacy. Collecting data on my interactions with you is fine, as long as you use it serve me better. What’s not cool is harvesting more data about me from third party services, or selling collected data (e.g. my phone number) to others. And no, burying the details somewhere deep in the take it or leave it terms and conditions that I agreed to does not include permission. BTW, tracking me when I’m online, following me around to other websites or my social accounts… It’s stalking, why do you think that’s actually ok?

• Perhaps try being transparent with me, If appropriate allow me to edit data collected, and guess what, I may tell you more if you can use it serve me better

Stop subscribing me to newsletters and emails I never asked for… oh, and creating new categories of subscriptions after I’ve unsubscribed, constant messaging, and irrelevant messages really grinds my gears. How would you like it if I sent you an email at dinnertime, for Thai takeout that you just ate 20 mins ago?

• Perhaps ease in slowly and gauge my desire to engage before you hit me with 3 emails per day… If I’m a fan my behaviour should be a hint to you that I’m ok to engage more. Your messages need to be VALUABLE and relevant e.g. right offer, right time and right place. Ultimately I’d prefer you’re just available when I need to contact you.

Screenshot: only a small portion of eBay's email settings.

Gloating about your corporate values that often have little to do with your business doesn’t fly with me. I mostly care that you act responsibly and ethically e.g. don’t cut corners in making your products or services, and respect the environment, employees and customers. I particularly find it annoying when you spend millions trying to convince me you’re good, and I still have to wait 20 mins on the phone to speak with you or get slugged with unreasonable fees and charges.

• Perhaps care more about the humble cultivation of great values in your corporate culture, be ethical in your field of endeavour, and ensure your employees are energised to deliver great customer service.

Why does your product only lasts 5 years when it used to last 20 years? And please explain why the product gets smaller and the price goes up? YES, I did notice the chip/crisps packet has more air in it now… and yeah, I’ll probably still grudgingly buy your product… but I won’t forget what you did!!!

• Perhaps be transparent with me and I’ll stick by you… I’m perfectly ok with prices going up if it means your employees are better off, you’re sourcing products ethically, or the input costs have gone up.

I understand you don’t want to talk to me when I have a problem, that’s why you make it very hard for me to call you, despite it being very easy to reach you when I’m looking to buy. Wading through your maze of FAQs when I’m in the middle of a problem is the least positive experience I can imagine…. Other than catching the metro in Shanghai during peak hour.

• Perhaps make the alternative contact methods superior to calling you and let me make the choice. Trust that I will call you when I need to speak with you… and if I do call, see it as a great opportunity to turn my negative experience into a super positive one. By all means remind me that many answers can easily be found in the FAQs, but have your number there ready to call… Always.

Please don't paint me into a corner with your web or app design, making it hard for me to logout, unsubscribe from messages, control privacy or cancel my account often makes any frustration with your service worse. That won’t help your case if you try and win me back. I’m not expecting you to highlight these functions in flashing lights, but don’t bury them away either.

• Perhaps respect my right to leave, and try and learn something from me on the way out… who knows, I might just choose to stay.

There is no need to be needy, desperate, and jealous if I choose to spend my time elsewhere… please doesn’t resort to desperation if we haven’t spoken for a while. Notifying me that a random connection I have in my network, that I have little to do with, has posted something new, screams of desperation… you’re better than that.

• Perhaps realise we don’t all use your product the same way, allow for this, celebrate it even, and if you think I’m not enjoying your product as much as I could, work on making your product and user experience so great that it will compel me to use it more.

Inserting yourself into my social feeds with influencers is just plain creepy, and weird, inauthentic, staged, one might even say trickery of the highest order.

• Perhaps start focusing on being genuine. I’ll respect that and reward you for it.

What happened to wanting to be my friend? you may think our relationship ends when I purchase your product/service. For me the relationship ends when I’ve finished using your product, maybe 10 years into the future, and it would pay to remember that.

• Perhaps work on understanding my journey after purchase and you may find it’s worth your while. Hearing from you after I’ve checked-out, whether asking if I need any help, if I’m enjoying my product, or offering some advice to help me get the most out of my purchase... that wins points, as does making it easy to contact you if something goes wrong. Remember, offering service and support, helpful tips is vastly different to adding me to your marketing newsletter.

Please don’t make me feel like I’m polluting the earth when buying your product or service. I’m not keen on the amount of waste and I don't always understand how to be 'responsible' after I’ve finished using your product.

• Perhaps try and reduce unnecessary packaging, mail, and retailers... stop placing my purchase in oversized plastic bags you want me to carry through the mall. Here is a revolutionary thought; manufacture your products to make it easier to reuse components or repurpose the products after I’ve finished with them. The age of cradle to grave (dig up, manufacture, sell and bury) should have been ‘buried’ long ago. I believe you can and will find a way to sort this out… I’m willing to help.

I’m sure there are some nuggets here for you to use and I’d be thrilled if you gave it a shot. Bonus points if you let me know how it goes. Oh, before I go... a few shout outs:

• That brush, shine, and shoe horn you included in my last shoe purchase… wow, kinda shows you get what it’s like to own shoes and have thought about my entire experience.
• Well done for making the bill really easy to understand so I’m not in a daze wondering whether I’ve been taken for a ride... I find it easier to trust you now.
• Providing a product that fits snugly with a purpose… that rocks, it's genuine and I love it (Toms, while you’re going through some problems, you’re still awesome).

Kindest regards,

The Customer

See my other articles on voice assistants:

• Consumers use of voice assistants today... and tomorrow
• Why you should care about voice assistants... a primer
• Voice assistants and the coming disruption to your business

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Justin Osmotherly

Founder @Reji, retail technology expert and curious person

I'm currently writing about my experience researching and developing retail technology focused on improving customer experience. I welcome your comments, a chat or connecting via my profile on LinkedIn