Dear Indian Men - please learn how to pee.

Disclaimer: This post has been allayed to make it suitable for this professional networking platform. Facebook on the other hand has endured the full vigor of my wrath!

The story, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are based on real events. However, I absolutely decline to identify actual persons, businesses, and places which are best left to your imagination.

While Indian Men have adapted agreeably to the western formal ensemble, and some of them have even assimilated the global language - they are yet to learn how to use other ubiquitous western contrivances.

We had some visitors at work today, and ONE of them peed all over our toilet seat - and left it like that for us to find and clean. I was unavailable during this incident and thus did not get to confront him - much to the respite of my business partner.

When I did find out - I obviously had a paroxysm of ire as cleaning up after his mess was not a part of our work contract. We are filmmakers, after all, not his personal housekeeping staff. Nor are we his parents who need to clean up after his expulsive activities.

This "Gentle"man works for a soft skill development company (any more information and I might violate our non-disclosure) - that begs the question if they teach their employees the hard skill of "How to use a Toilet when visiting someone else's place of work and/or residence".

Dear Indian Men - you need not mark your territories, like a savage beast, everywhere you go.

Here is what you can do instead.

During Liquid Expulsions -

1. Lift up the toilet seat - the cover AND the seat.
2. Aim right - inside the bowl ONLY. Do not spill.
3. Flush.
4. Use toilet paper to clean up any residual liquids outside of or on the bowl / seat/ general vicinity. Flush the soiled toilet paper.
5. Put the seat and cover back down. Dress yourself back appropriately.
6. Wash your hands with soap, pat them dry.
7. Now you are ready to leave the toilet.

During eliminatory activities of the 2nd nature -

1. Lift up the cover only.
2. Sit down like you are sitting on a chair and do your business.
3. Use the jet spray - clean up.
4. Close the lid and flush. Dress yourself back appropriately.
5. Open the lid again and check if you have left any remnants of your business in there - in case things are stuck, use the jet spray to let them go. Flush again.
6. Close the lid.
7. Wash your hands with soap, pat them dry.
8. Use the floral spray in case you did a nasty.
9. Now you are ready to leave the toilet.
10. Add another suitable step to make these the cardinal commandments if you please!

So dear Indian Men - please bookmark this article - in case you need some help in there next time. When in doubt, please feel free to refer to it. How else would you learn? The same process also applies to Aeroplane lavatories - or any other place where you may have to share the comfort station with the fairer sex.

Dear Indian Women - go ahead, share this article with those whom you have to share the facilities with. I have literally done the dirty work for you. Thank me later.