DEAR ELIZABETH Talks About When Your Identity and Legacy Intertwine

Dear Elizabeth,

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I founded my manufacturing company 25 years ago, and it's grown beyond my wildest dreams. My twin sons both work in the business, and they're brilliant at what they do. I know it's time to start thinking about stepping back, but I'm struggling with something I'm almost embarrassed to admit.

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Every time I try to have conversations about succession with my boys, I find myself getting defensive and sometimes even angry – especially when they suggest changes or new ways of doing things. I catch myself holding onto control of even minor decisions. Deep down, I know I'm not just protecting the business; I'm protecting my sense of self. This company has been my identity for so long that I'm terrified of who I'll be without it.

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What makes it worse is that my resistance is starting to affect my relationship with my sons. Just last week, my wife pointed out that I haven't had a real conversation with either of them that wasn't about work in months. I'm worried that by trying to hold onto who I am as a business owner, I might be damaging something even more important – my role as their father.

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How do I find the balance between preserving my sense of self and preserving my relationships with my sons?

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Sincerely,

More Than My Business

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Dear More Than My Business,

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Your letter touches on something profound that many owners face: the delicate balance between preserving our identity and preserving our relationships. Those defensive moments you describe – I've seen them play out in countless transition conversations, and they often stem from the same deep-seated fear you've articulated so honestly.

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What strikes me about your situation is that you've already identified something crucial – your role as a father matters more than your role as a business owner. This awareness is your compass, and it leads me to share one of our foundational principles: People First.

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When we put people first in business transitions, something remarkable happens. Instead of losing our identity, we often discover richer dimensions of who we are. You see, your identity isn't just tied to being the founder and owner of a successful manufacturing company – it's also deeply connected to being the father who created opportunities for his sons, the leader who built a platform for their talents to shine, and the mentor who can now guide them toward their own success.

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Those defensive moments you're experiencing? They're not just about protecting your business identity; they're often about fear of losing connection. But here's what I've learned from guiding hundreds of families through this journey: when we focus on strengthening relationships during transition, we actually create a stronger sense of self, not a diminished one.

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Consider this perspective shift: What if your Next Adventure isn't about giving up your identity, but about enriching it? Instead of being the owner who makes all the decisions, you become the wisdom-keeper who helps your sons make better ones. Rather than being the operator who controls every aspect, you become the mentor who watches with pride as your sons grow into their own leadership styles.

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Here are a few practical suggestions:

• Schedule regular family dinners where business talk is off-limits
• Set up one-on-one time with each son to learn about their dreams for the future
• Share stories about your early days building the business – not to remind them who's boss, but to connect them to the legacy they're becoming part of

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Remember, putting relationships first doesn't mean abandoning your business identity overnight. It means allowing that identity to evolve in service of something even more valuable – the bonds you share with your sons.

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Your company may have been your life's work, but your relationships with your sons are your life's legacy. By focusing on strengthening these relationships during your transition, you'll likely find that your identity doesn't diminish – it expands to include new roles that bring unexpected joy and purpose.

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You're not just preserving a business for the next generation; you're preserving and strengthening family bonds that will endure long after any business transaction is complete. That's not losing who you are; that's becoming more of who you were always meant to be.

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Warmly,

Elizabeth

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