Dear Drinker: Is It Time?

Dear Drinker,

I know you're struggling.

I know you're in a space where you know your drinking is beyond what it should be. You know that alcohol will never be something you casually consume. You always go hard, even when you tell yourself you won't. Even after you make deals with yourself.

It's not fair, you think. Why does this have to be my thing? Why can't I just have fun like everyone else?

It isn't fair and it isn't your fault, but it is your reality ... which makes it your responsibility.

What do you do with that when you keep trying, but you can't seem to get your drinking under control?

Many people speak of a "bottom." That point you get when you won't take it anymore.

I am admittedly a huge Dr. Phil fan, and he would talk about the four stages of being ready for change:

Stage 1: Compelled by authority to change.

You get in trouble with law enforcement and you're forced to attend AA meetings. Your boss tells you you're coming in too late to work and they can tell something is going on.

You have to shape up. You aren't motivated yourself, but you know you're "supposed" to change. Maybe you end up digging your heels in even harder.

Stage 2: Comply to escape criticism. (“It’s when everybody expects you to do it, so you fulfill their expectations.”)

Maybe your partner or your children are begging you to quit. You aren't yourself. You're not emotionally available.

You try to quit because they're asking you to, but you just can't. You keep falling back into your old habits no matter how hard you try.

Stage 3: Intellectually aware of the need for change.

I was here for a long time.

I knew I needed to quit. I knew it wasn't good for me.

But I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to change my life. To let go of my "medicine."

Stage 4: Mentally and emotionally self-motivated by change.

You don't need to reach "bottom" for this to happen, but it is often the culprit.

As Dr. Phil would say on his shows, "This is when you won't take it for another day, another hour, another minute."

For me, this was a voice telling me something awful was going to happen.

You are going to drive drunk and kill someone.

You will end up in jail and lose your kids.

It was almost prophetic. I had "signs" coming at me from different sources. Aligning a core message: it's time to let go.

If you can get to this point without something catastrophic happening, consider yourself blessed. The last thing you want is to impact someone else's life -- or your life -- in the worst way forever.

You don't want to lose your job. Key relationships. Your freedom.

You don't want to be the cause of someone losing their life or losing their loved ones.

Take the opportunity while you can.

Even if you've already experienced some of the worst, there is still time to change. There is still time to turn your life around.

There's time.

You can do it.

I believe in you.

About First and Sober

First and Sober is about living life with presence. For some, that means first getting free from the hold alcohol has on their lives. For all, it means getting real about living each day wide awake and on purpose. If you believe you have a problem with alcohol you can't overcome on your own,?please reach out for help.