Dear Dr Doyle #12

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Dear Dr Doyle, I'm from a working-class background, and some of my privately educated colleagues have been mimicking my accent and saying that I got into Cambridge on a bursary/out of pity, in a "jokey" way. I've made jokes in the past about being northern but it's crossed a line now. Do you have any advice?

Hiya -

Well they sound delightful. Whilst class isn't a protected characteristic in the UK, moral decency is still vogue. I'd say that you ought to check what your workplace bullying policy is for this one, if you'd like to report it higher up.

In terms of your professional relationships with them, there are a couple of options that come to mind:

1. Say to them "look I know I've joked about being northern in the past, but you've been coming on a bit strong on the class stuff recently, can you stop?" (that way they're made aware of it and asked explicitly to stop. That'll hopefully just quash it for you)
2. Ask them: "why do you think that?" (Probably my favourite question to ask people using slurs or bigoted comments - putting the onus on them to be explicit about it)
3. Bring in reinforcements: is there someone on your team, or a line manager who can educate them about why this doesn't count as banter and isn't tolerable?

It ultimately depends on what you want to get out of it - prioritise your needs and do what works best for you. You shouldn't have to tolerate this and frankly in 2024 they should know better.

Dear Dr. Doyle, during a work conference, a senior colleague made unsolicited advances towards me and suggested we share a room to 'save costs'. I laughed it off at the time but I've been feeling awful at work since. What would you do?

Hiya -

Do you know what your company policy is on harassment? I'd seek that out to see your options in house for reporting sexual harassment.

I always suggest that people take detailed notes of where, when, what was said, who else was around, and any other details that you think might be pertinent to an investigation - as soon as it has happened. This can be on your phone or on a piece of paper.

Obviously this hasn't just happened so you may not have done that. But it's worth getting as many details down as you can remember now in case you decide to report it in the future. Or indeed, if your colleagues behaviour escalates (sadly, this is all too common).

My main suggestion is to look after yourself. Make sure that you have good allies around you.

You don't want to spread this message too far so ensure that you trust the people you do tell - family, a close friend or partner - preferably people who don't work at the same company. Your line manager and HR/People should be the only people you tell at work if you've not already spoken about with your colleagues. It's horrible seeing the backlash that people receive for sharing information widely during an investigation (police or HR) so this is to protect you even if it feels like it protects them more.

If you have a union rep then it may be worth contacting them. You can also contact the Acas helpline.

I don't know your gender or sexual orientation (or that of your colleague), but women who've experienced sexual harassment at work can get free legal advice from Rights of Women (England and Wales) or the Scottish Women's Rights Centre

I'm sorry that happened to you and I hope that whoever you tell next takes your report seriously. Let me know if I can help any further - if your employer seems out of their depth then you can always send them in my direction too.

All the best

PSA: The next Delicate Dilemmas Live Webinar is happening on Tuesday 28 May. I'd love to see you there. It's free. Sign up here

Have you got a conundrum? I'd love to help.

If you'd like to have your conundrum answered in future versions of Dr Doyle's Delicate Dilemmas then please head to this link