Dear Dad, I didn't understand
David Buri
eCommerce Pick & Pack Fulfillment Hub | Helping you scale by taking care of day-to-day operations!
I would hear this a lot from people in their twenties. In my early twenties, I often said it myself;
Age is just a number. Experience is what matters.
It's a way people justify being equal to someone older, to be wiser than an age you hold. And to a certain extent, it holds true.
What we don't understand at that age, is that life is long and linear. Experiencing something for a week is not the same as experiencing something for three years.
So, by default, being older means living through so much more, and experiencing them for longer periods.
I never want to be that guy who looks down at younger people and think "You don't know what life really is, just wait until you're my age". So, instead, I want to put myself in someone else's shoes - my father.
Where is this all coming from?
My daughter is four years old. A cute age, but an age filled with the question 'why?'
Ati: Where are you going?
Me: Work.
Ati: Why?
Me: To make money
Ati: Why?
Me: So we have money to eat
Ati: Why?
It's tiring. And every time she asks, it reminds me of one of the first memories I have as a child.
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I was sitting on the couch with my father. We were watching something on TV, and I was asking a million questions. And I just hear my father say in an annoyed and stern voice, "Why are you asking so many questions?"
After that moment, I remember, I stopped asking questions. In fact, that moment defined how I saw my father, what I spoke about with him, and how I spoke to him. It closed me off.
With my own daughter, sadly, I am struggling not to say those exact same words to her. I want her to keep asking, but my gosh, can I keep answering?
What Was My Father Going Through?
My father would have been a bit older than I am right now when that had happened, closer to his 40s. He was working in Oil and Gas in Sarawak, taking care of a family and 4 children. I believe he led a team, though I'm not exactly sure what he did in the company at that time.
There's a large part of his life I don't know about, experiences he has had that would have defined him. Maybe...
I saw a lot of happy moments, of course, but now, I wonder, what has he persevered through? How similar are we in regards to our experiences? How did he overcome them?
In his later years, I learnt more about his life and what he was going through - why he left the company, what had happen next, etc. For this time when I was a child, I just didn't know that he could have gone through all of this without me even knowing a single thing.
My Own Life
It's weird to look at my daughter. In 4 years, she's learnt to walk, talk, shout, sing, dance, swim, and more. And in those same years, I've experience the hardships of running and keeping a company afloat while trying to grow it. It's a long road. It requires a lot of effort. It is tiring. But she won't understand this until she is much, much older. Not until she truly experiences it.
Like my dad, randomly, I just never understood he was even going through anything. I just, until today, assumed that everything was ok. He is dad, he can solve it, and tomorrow everything will be better. He is super.
But I'm sure it wasn't easy. He just made it look easy.
So Back To The Top
The thing is, when you're younger, you want to be seen as equals to those older than you. That's fair. It's just, older people have so much below their belts, it's hard to beat the experience that comes with age.
So, this post is for you, Dad. You've made life look so easy. I hope you had a good support system going through whatever you've gone through. I wish I did.