Dealing With Your Answers

Last post I said that the first step in moving towards a life of intentionality; to creating priorities, setting boundaries, and finding balance was to do an honest assessment with yourself asking simply

Am I where I want to be in my life right now?

I said that was the easy part. Get a journal. Get a pen. Give yourself some time.?

And I agree with that. Asking the questions is the easy part.?

But what happens when you don’t love your answers?

?????. Been there.

The first time I’d characterize that I started being intentional about the life I wanted to live came after ~ 6 months of feeling off. Feeling unsettled without being able to put a word to what exactly it was. Feeling bored, listless, unmotivated.?

And I didn’t understand why. I checked off all the goals I had until that point (this was a while ago!):

? Played college volleyball

? Graduated early with honors

? Married the guy

? Got the job

? Bought the house

I was living the dream, or what I thought was the dream. But, that’s as far as my blueprint went. I hadn’t put any thought to what would happen after all of that was accomplished.? And that’s where I found myself. On paper exactly where I wanted to be, and decidedly as far away from where I wanted to be as possible.

?? That’s what a pen and notebook helped me realize ??

I hadn’t seen any of the world, didn’t even have a passport at this time and realized I wanted to. I got out of the habit of reading for enjoyment and wanted to get back to reading classics, literature, and finding my love of reading again. I wasn’t in the physical shape I wanted to be in. And the big ones – I wasn’t in the relationship I wanted to be in, in a job that felt fulfilling, and realized “Oh no! I think I may want to move to a bigger city!”

In speaking with people a *lot* about this topic over the years I’ve found that one of the main reasons that people don’t want to do this type of self introspection work is actually quite understandable –?

They don’t want to deal with their answers.

Again, ????? been there. I didn't want to either.

I didn’t have a 300 person wedding at 23 years old to want to have to admit to everyone, including my parents and then spouse, that I made a mistake a year and a half later and sorry - this wasn’t right for me.

I didn’t want to have to tell my closest friends and family that I felt compelled to move across the country where I didn’t know anyone to give NYC a shot.?

I didn’t want to feel dissatisfied in my life. But I did.

And then I had a choice.

So that is most certainly a step in embracing intentionality. You look at your life and where you are and ask if you want to be there and then you have a choice on if - and if so - when and how you deal with your answers.

The example above was my most poignant but it wasn’t the only time. It becomes easier when you start to ask yourself questions more regularly. I'm living in Colorado now because when we asked "Is this the type of childhood we want our kids to be having?" when we were in NYC when COVID hit led to a resounding "Nope."

It isn’t always easy to deal with the answers, but it does become easier when it becomes a part of your process; this self-check in and figuring out what to do with the answers you give yourself.?It also doesn't mean that your response has to be drastic. My first step in realizing I wanted to see the world but didn’t have any money to do just meant I needed to embrace going through the foreign section in Blockbuster to get my fix until I could save money. I knew I wanted to see Italy well before watching Cinema Paradiso but damn did it not solidify it! :)??

It’s a process.

??? But it’s a process well worth starting ???

So, ask yourself the question?

Am I where I want to be in my life right now?

Go there.? And then let yourself really be honest with your answers. Only then can you make the baby-steps to start on your plan. We'll tackle that next.

What are hard stops you’ve had to make and how have they impacted your life?? Any tips for people starting on this road to intentionality???

Thanks for being here and for sharing.