"Dealing with a Toxic Boss? Here's Your 11-Step Survival Guide."

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This week, we're tackling a common yet complex issue: Dealing with a Toxic Boss.

Anonymous asks: "I have a toxic boss. What advice do you have for me?"

Dear Anonymous,

Navigating a toxic work environment is challenging, but you're not alone. Many face similar situations, even in 2024. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's demoralizing, erodes self-confidence, and impacts your well-being.?

I have some thoughts, but let me start with some insights from two friends who are also experts:?

Patricia Keeney-Maischoss, a seasoned headhunter with Malibu Colony Partners: "One deserves to work in a place where you feel respected and valued!" She makes a great point: “Toxicity is contagious. So observe but do NOT absorb.” Patricia recommends that you set boundaries, document interactions, and maintain professionalism. AND to be ready to have an exit strategy. “The ability to know when a job is a job versus a pivotal career role, is essential,” she adds. “If the situation doesn’t improve, it might be worth considering starting your search strategy.”

Carolyn Frey, Chief People Officer at Hungryroot: "It always depends on how toxic. If anything is inappropriate, going to HR with clear, specific and documented feedback is the right approach. If not, Carolyn recommends building relationships with your boss's peers and other leaders, taking time before making rushed decisions, and providing specific feedback when possible.” She adds that you should remember, “It is most likely about them and their own past/issues and not you.”?

I've faced toxic work situations multiple times. In hindsight, these difficult situations taught me a great deal – mainly, they taught me how NOT to lead. On a practical note, on a day-to-day basis, I concentrated on the job and avoided engaging with yelling or belittling by walking away when necessary or pushing back if possible. The environment made trust difficult, so I leaned on a friend from outside of work and my sister for support. To regain control, I job hunted while developing coping strategies, knowing that planning an exit takes time. This approach helped me navigate the toxicity without compromising my wellbeing or career goals.

As Carolyn and Patricia say, if the situation escalates or becomes unmanageable, involve HR. Be aware that this step comes with its own challenges. For guidance on when to approach HR, refer to this Harvard Business Review article: https://tinyurl.com/5n898rkr

Strategies to Navigate Toxic Leadership

1. Assess the Situation: Clearly understand your responsibilities while identifying specific toxic behaviors. Consider whether this is a temporary situation or a persistent pattern of behavior.
2. Manage Criticism: Separate criticism of your work from your self-worth. Evaluate feedback objectively, but remember you don't have to internalize every comment.
3. Consider Upward Feedback: If appropriate, have? a candid conversation with your boss about how their behavior affects you. Be specific and factual. Choose an appropriate time and place, focusing on specific behaviors and their impacts.?(Check out the “Situation-Behavior-Impact” framework: https://tinyurl.com/3zf7ubzm ).?
4. Maintain Professionalism: don’t be baited into acting unprofessionally in response. Focus on your work and achievements to maintain your reputation. Avoid negative discussions about your boss with colleagues unless there is someone you really trust.?
5. Document Interactions: Keep detailed records of problematic encounters, including dates, times, and any witnesses. This will be important if you decide to go to HR.
6. Build a Support System: Connect with mentors, or a professional coach. Seek perspectives from those outside your workplace to gain a balanced view.
7. Expand Your Network: Cultivate professional connections as you may decide to move on from this job. Attend industry events or join professional associations. This will give you a sense of control, reminding you that there are other opportunities.
8. Prioritize Self-Care: Find ways to decompress outside of work. Develop a routine that helps you transition out of work mode. Remember that there is a YOU before and after this job.
9. Assert Boundaries: Stand up for yourself firmly yet respectfully. Clearly communicate your limits and expectations in a calm, professional manner. Sometimes pushing back is necessary.
10. Involve HR When Necessary: Report intolerable behavior, harassment, or discrimination. Familiarize yourself with your company's policies and procedures for reporting issues.
11. Evaluate Your Options: Regularly assess whether the situation is improving. If not, consider if this environment aligns with your long-term career goals and personal well-being.

If it’s financially feasible, getting out of a bad situation may be your only option — even if you have to take something temporary while you look for your next career opportunity. Remember, your worth isn't defined by your toxic boss. This experience can teach valuable lessons about leadership and resilience. And your wellbeing should always be the priority.?

Keep us posted on your journey. Rooting for your success!

Additional Resources:

1. "When to Involve HR in Workplace Issues" - Harvard Business Review https://tinyurl.com/5n898rkr
2. "Strategies for Dealing with a Difficult Boss" - U.S. News & World Report https://tinyurl.com/4rk3xjj4
3. "Coping Mechanisms for Toxic Work Environments" - Forbes https://tinyurl.com/5dsffwa2
4. "Managing Difficult Boss Relationships" - 美国哈佛商学院 https://tinyurl.com/yvyejtpx
5. "Navigating Workplace Challenges" - Slate https://tinyurl.com/yc4wjy42
6. "Identifying Toxic Leadership Behaviors" - Verywell Mind https://www.verywellmind.com/red-flags-of-a-toxic-boss-8665822

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