Dealing with too many post-Covid employee demands?

I really didn't want to use the words with my kids that day.?

Those words that, as a teenager, I swore I'd never say to my own kids.? But I was tired.?

Tired of the incessant questioning and challenging that sought to push the boundaries of concessions I'd already granted.?

And didn't my position give me the right to demand respect and acquiescence?

And so, the words came out of my mouth:? "Because I said so."

Uttering those words elicited the behavior I wanted in the moment, but did very little for our relationship long term.

Now granted, leadership is not the same as parenting.? For one, our employees are adults; adults that society doesn't hold us accountable for.? Second, it is much easier for employees to leave us than for our kids.?

But as I reflect on some of the challenges I hear from leaders, as employees seem to demand increasingly more concessions (often in the spirit of caring for their wellbeing), I recognize some of the same tiredness and frustration that I felt on that day with my teenager.?

?And I see examples of because-I-said-so leadership all around, particularly in the return-to-office mandates.? What characterizes because-I-said-so leadership is there is very little or no explanation given for the decisions.? It is often a control play.? It may drive conformity or help achieve a quick fix, but does little to bolster the long-term success of the individual, team, or organization.

So what can leaders do instead?

If they want to be caring, human-centered leaders who retain their employees, do they have to collaborate on every decision?? Do they have to write standards in pencil so that they can change them whenever an employee demands it?? Do they have to keep everyone waiting for 10 minutes at the start of their meeting so that one of the attendees can walk their dog (a real request)?? Do they have to provide monetary rewards for people to agree to come back into the office?

No.? I'd argue that instead of worrying about which way the control pendulum in the job market is swinging (toward the employer or the employee), everyone should shift their focus.

Focus on alignment, not control.

Alignment starts with clarity. Organizations and their leaders should first have clarity around their values AND transparency about those values in action.? How are the words on the wall actually used together as a system to set policy and make decisions?? Want everyone to spend at least three days in the office because one of your values is connection and you have data to show that the way your office time is structured leads to enhanced connection?? Great!

The values and examples of resulting past and hypothetical future decisions should be shared with employees as early as possible (even before acceptance of the offer of employment if possible), allowing them to assess if they’re willing to make the commitments that the values-driven decisions require.

Alignment is good for the brain

From a neuroscience perspective, alignment of personal and organizational values reduces cognitive dissonance, minimizing stress and enhancing a sense of purpose and belonging. This alignment also fosters intrinsic motivation by aligning work activities with an individual's core beliefs and identity, leading to increased engagement, commitment, and overall job satisfaction.

?The issue most companies and employees face is that the values they make decisions on are not clear-- or if they are clear (we support work/life balance! we respect each other!) they aren't translated into action as a system (we support work/life balance but don't skip a client meeting to walk your dog because that doesn’t show respect for others involved).? If the mechanism of decision-making is unclear to both the employee and the employer, then all behaviors are potentially acceptable-- if they are clear for the both the employer and the employee-- there can be real talk of alignment, expectations, and they can hold each other to those standards.

Clarity and transparency make alignment possible.? Alignment then enhances engagement, intrinsic motivation, retention, and wellbeing.

The conversation between leaders and employees is no longer focused on shutting down new employee demands with a “because I said so” answer because you’re exhausted and feel taken advantage of.

Instead, it’s focused on a clear direction and the fit that’s best for all involved.