Dealing with Stress from Divorce

Changing Your Perspective on Divorce Stress

By Delilah Harounian, guest blogger

Is divorce stress lethal, or is it our perspective of stress that’s lethal?

WHY IS CHRONIC STRESS HARMFUL?

Psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe studied the mind body connection back in the 1960s. They wanted to find out if there was a connection between stress and illness. They examined the records of 5,000 people. They asked patients to rate those stressful events on a scale of 0 to 100.?When the analyzed all the data, they were able to develop the?Holmes-Rahe Scale, designed to measure how likely it is that you will become ill.

In broad strokes, anyone scoring 150 or less only has a slight risk of illness, 150 to 300 is at moderate risk of being ill and those with a score over 300 face a significant risk of becoming ill. The classic reaction to stress is the "fight or flight response".?But this response is only supposed to be a temporary biological state.?With chronic stress, you are in that response pattern more often than not. Chronic stress takes place in humans because of our higher cerebral functioning that gives us the ability to make up stories.?When we don’t take a break from making up these “what if” scenarios, it can affect our short- and long-term health.?We get sick and our bodies tend to break down. Chronic stress is a constant release of the hormone cortisol and an elevated heart rate, which adversely affect the heart.Stress can also take your existing illnesses and make them worse. Read more here: https://www.survivedivorce.com/divorce-stress

WHAT CAUSES DIVORCE STRESS?

Divorce is one of the most stressful events in a person’s life.?And based on the Holmes-Rahe Scale, it stands to reason that the more stressful a divorce is, the more compromised a person’s health can be.

The “known” stressors will include facing the fact that your identity as a married person is no more. You may have to uproot yourself and/or your children. You might have to sell your house or downsize. You may have to hire a lawyer and work out support issues, or the distribution of assets and debts. The “unknown” stressors that will include things such as how to find assets and debts that you are not sure about, wondering if you’ll be able to make ends meet on less money, how your children will adjust.?Those unknowns produce fear and fear leads directly to stress.

IS ALL STRESS HARMFUL?

In small doses, stress can be a great thing that makes us productive. Without stress, we would never be motivated to act on our daily responsibilities such as getting a paper done or showing up for a meeting on time. Stress is induced by a number of factors, most notably environment and genetics. Stress and socio-economic status (SES), a measure of an individual’s economic and sociological standing in relation to others, are strongly correlated.?

?For example, a lawyer from New York City has a high income and graduate degree. Because of her income, she has the freedom of Uber which saves her time, allowing her to spend more time on exercise and cooking a healthy meal.

?In contrast, a store clerk from Fresno, California has lower levels of income and education. She must take public transport for two hours each way to commute to work, immobilizing her ability to adequately take care of herself. We can presume that she is significantly more stressed and releases more cortisol during the day.?

?Less chronic stress with a higher SES equates to higher immune functioning.

?Factors such as socio-economic status impact the level of stress one is susceptible to, with minimal control. Individuals can, however, control their relationship with stress. Neglecting this power will compromise one’s health in the long-run.?

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON STRESS

?We believe physiological changes, such as thumping heartbeat, harm our bodies, but it’s this mindset that’s harming us. Fearing our body’s reaction to stress only increases these feelings and the resulting damage. We can use stress to our advantage. Through the adaptation of mindset, we must think of stress as a superpower that has the potential to energize us and motivate us to do better. When we experience a stressful event, our bodies release cortisol. Our hearts race and our blood vessels constrict. Constantly being in this state and deeming it harmful significantly compromises our overall health. This state weakens our immune system and increases an individual’s risk of the common cold and risk of disease, especially heart disease.?

?Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal found that viewing stress as a killer is detrimental to one’s health.? Over eight years, a study followed 30,000 people and their mortality levels. The two groups studied were subjects that view stress as a killer and subjects that view stress as something positive that can motivate you. Those with the negative outlook passed away earlier, with a 43% increased risk of dying. 182,000 people died from the belief that stress is harmful, which is over 20,000 people each year. Shifting our perception of stress is essentially a preventable cause of death. We must remold our stress response as helpful.? Watch this: https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en

?TAKE AWAY LESSONS

The next time you encounter stress from your divorce case and the changes in your life, take a moment to acknowledge your nerves and transform them into energy and motivation. This process will train your mind and body to think positively about stress while providing you clarity about the endeavor’s importance to you. If we each make this change, we can dramatically drive down the number of deaths per year attributed to a negative perception of stress.?

?The key to a healthy relationship with stress is knowing and believing that it won’t kill you.? Divorce is survivable, and you might even begin to see positive changes in your life that come from it. While expensive doctors and treatments aren’t necessary to change your perspective of stress, reaching a positive relationship with stress is easier for some people than for others due to factors such as SES. Some endure more stress due to their race, disability, financial circumstances or the neighborhood they live in. These are inescapable circumstances that sometimes require the help of others.

?While changing our perspective of stress doesn’t happen overnight, we must take incremental steps.?Will you choose to view divorce stress as an energizer and lead a healthier life, or choose to view stress as a killer and facilitate the damage? The effect of stress is based on the eye of the beholder. For many, a change in perspective changes not only the individual’s experience, but also life expectancy outcome. ?

?Watch this: https://www.pbs.org/unnaturalcauses/hour_01.htm

Delilah Harounian studied the lifespan effects of stress on health and well-being at the VA Boston Healthcare System. She is currently a PhD student focusing on health and nutrition as it relates to stress.

If you need more information about New York divorce matters, contact us for a free consultation at [email protected]?