Dealing with Rejection

Throughout life and work you will experience rejection. As a kid you don’t get invited to the lunch table. As an athlete you don’t make the team. Artists fail the audition. A date is declined. Students aren’t accepted into their choice for college. Some experience personal rejection in their family. Then we come to the business world—jobs, proposals, sales declined—rejection is everywhere.

Rejection is to spurn or refuse someone. Rejection in a business setting can be perfectly legitimate. Rejection in a social setting can also be legitimate, but is more emotionally difficult. Rejection can be good in the long run, but it still hurts. We feel a sting when it happens. The Bible speaks often of rejection and how to handle it.

Accept rejection. When you are rejected the first step is to simply accept it. For whatever reason you are being turned down. Some people may reply with the old sales adage, “I just won’t take no for an answer.” How you react and respond to rejection is another matter. But when someone rejects you, or your proposal or plan, or a sale, or whatever—realize that “no” is a real thing. Accept it. Know that it is reality for whatever reason, and you’ll need to deal with it.

It may help to know that Jesus Himself was rejected. Often. He said, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first” (John 15:18). This was not only accepted by Jesus, it was expected. Old Testament prophecy of Him foretold, “He was hated and rejected; his life was filled with sorrow and terrible suffering. No one wanted to look at him. We despised him and said, ‘He is a nobody!’” (Isaiah 53:3). Of course it wasn’t true. Jesus wasn’t a nobody. But he was still rejected.

When rejected, don’t make it your mission to change someone’s mind. It’s unlikely you will argue your way to acceptance. Even though you may really want a “yes” from someone, on reflection you may come to realize that the other party really doesn’t owe you anything. Rejection is just a decision that you will have to live with. When accepting rejection, it’s okay to hurt.

Writer Amy Morin comments, “Rather than suppress, ignore, or deny the pain, mentally strong people acknowledge their emotions. They admit when they’re embarrassed, sad, disappointed, or discouraged. They have confidence in their ability to deal with uncomfortable emotions head-on, which is essential to coping with their discomfort in a healthy manner.”[1]

Lean on Jesus. Rejection is normal and happens to everyone. Everyone. Once rejected we will quickly try to determine, “Was it me?” Often rejection has nothing to do with you. People may reject your proposal or sale or business venture because they don’t have the money, or have a better offer, or prefer another product. In Jesus’ case, He was rejected by the religious elite and government officials, who saw Him as a threat to their power. And His gospel is rejected by people today who want to live as they choose versus committing to follow Jesus and His teachings. Rejection occurs for a myriad of reasons, but we have a Savior Who understands and knows rejection.

Rejection stings in part because we have a desperate need for acceptance. Psychologist Lori Gottlieb says this need traces back to ancient times when we relied on groups to survive. She says, “When somebody rejects us, there’s a very primal piece to it, which is that it goes against everything we feel like we need for survival.”[2] In other words, God wired us for connection to one another. Rejection goes against our very nature. Even a reasonable “no” is something that we instinctively take as personal rejection.

Perhaps this is why God constantly reminds us in Scripture that He is with us. Remember Isaiah 41:10: “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Jesus knew we would deal with rejection personally and spiritually. But, Luke 6:22 promises, “Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man!”

Look to the next thing. You can come back from a rejection stronger and more confident. Despite a painful experience, getting rejected may benefit you. Rejection can empower you to grow and become more resilient. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” The current “no” may be preparing you for a better “yes” just around the corner.

Amy Morin comments on keeping rejection in perspective: “Mentally strong people don’t make sweeping generalizations when they’re rejected. If one company turns them down for a job, they don’t declare themselves incompetent. Or, if they get rejected by a love interest, they don't conclude they’re unlovable. One person’s opinion, or one single incident, should never define who you are. Don’t let your self-worth depend upon other people’s opinions of you. Just because someone else thinks something about you, doesn’t mean it’s true.”

Instead, focus on learning from rejection. What area(s) of your life could use improvement Is there anything about this rejection that is a teachable moment? How about the way the rejection itself was handled—how can you do better? Rejection can result in greater wisdom and understanding. Remember that God always has the future in mind, regardless of what negatives we are experiencing today. He tells us, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).

[1] https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/5-ways-mentally-strong-people-deal-with-rejection.html

[2] https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a30719895/how-to-deal-with-rejection/