Dealing with the pain of interview rejection

It's not the most joyful of topics (!), but my first LinkedIn newsletter is going to be about my experience of interview rejection. I know how disheartening and, quite frankly, painful it can feel and I think its important that I don't paint a picture of career perfection on here.

In June 2016, I took voluntary redundancy in the wake of the Brexit announcement. I had been having a very difficult time in my personal life (a relationship was ending) and I was struggling to function at work. I won't go into detail, but essentially, I really needed a few months off and I was desperate.

That summer is a blur to me now, but I do know that once I was unemployed, the creeping reality of bills snuck in extremely quickly, and I didn't actually take that much time to rest before applying for jobs again.

I probably applied to 30+ plus jobs before I was invited to an interview. Each application took me a day. I'd spend time researching the company, tweaking my CV and agonising over my latest cover letter. Each time I sent one off, I'd feel a small bubble of hope rise up in me, but quite quickly that bubble would pop – and each one felt more painful than the last.

Without realising it I was building up evidence that I was unwanted. It felt like a bit of a shock in some ways – I knew I was capable of doing the work I was applying for and I wondered why people couldn't see it. Doubt crept in. And it kept creeping in.

The first interview I had required me to get up at 5:30am to catch multiple trains to south London. My sister came with me for moral support, quizzing me in a coffee shop round the corner as we waited.

The interview went quite well. I liked the team and I could feel that I could slot in quite easily. I was warned that the competition was high but was invited back for a second interview one week later and to be honest I felt very hopeful!

I had sorted out some temporary accommodation and was starting to believe I could be offered the job. However it wasn't meant to be. About an hour after the second interview I had a phone call explaining they had gone with the other person. I was still in London, again with my sister, and I remember experiencing such deep pain.

It sounds over the top but my head thumped and my stomach squeezed. The rejection ran through me and I felt so hurt. To make matters worse, the woman who interviewed me was on the same tube as me about an hour later – she had definitely seen me and looked mortified. I'm not surprised – I looked beyond miserable!

A while later, I interviewed for another position in London. I spent a week preparing for the interview. I'd been asked to come up with two new titles that could be added to two of their existing series and I went to town on the preparation.

My other sister came with me to this interview and waited in a fancy cafe in Chelsea as I went into the building. This interview felt much better and again, I felt hopeful. But it was a no. And I felt so sore. I can't quite remember how I coped (probably a large glass of wine) but I do remember feeling disassociated from my body. I was definitely in a silent panic for a while after that.

Then, about a month later, that same company called me back and told me they had a different role that they would like me to interview for. I did, and they offered the position to me right there. The elation I felt was amazing. I had gone to some dark places and I was, quite honestly, very scared that I'd made a terrible mistake.

So, for anyone out there who is getting to the interview stage but not getting offered the position, I want to send out sincere, heart-felt compassion. It hurts to be turned down and can take a while to recover from each set back. I felt each knock viscerally, like a burn inside my chest. I was lucky enough to get some feedback from each company, but not everyone gets that and I think that is worse, as it gives the mind a greater opportunity to spiral.

Please remember that if you are in this position, you are learning true self care and self soothing. It takes immense strength to recover and pull yourself back to embody your innate worthiness. It is there, at all times, I promise.

I use tapping (also called EFT) a lot to move emotion out of my body, and I used it throughout the time I was job searching. If I didn't, I honestly think my brain's negative bias could have convinced me that I had no talent and was worthless. What a load of crap.

I believe that to reach a goal, 50 percent of the work is internal and 50 percent is external. By this I mean that we have to research thoroughly, learn and work on skills while simultaneously processing our inner reactions to whatever it is that we are seeking.

Our egos/brains do not like change. It does not feel safe. It will do anything to convince us that we shouldn't keep venturing forth and building towards our dreams. A mindset shift is needed – failure is a stepping stone to success and must be dealt with, often repeatedly. We have to learn to release emotional pain, as it is likely to come. We need to look beneath the "no" to find the lesson or a clarification.

As part of my editorial training and mentorship programme we work on this – participants build the skills they will need to keep persevering towards their goals and to work out what is best for them. My most recent participant told me last week she is working on keeping the emotion out of her job search – perfect.

If you've made it to the end of my first newsletter, thanks so much for reading! I hope that March brings great things for you. Please let me know if there is anything you would like me to write about in the future by emailing: [email protected].

Very best wishes,

Claire