Dealing With "Negative Ned"

Making Use of a Psychology Degree, Issue #9

There's always that one person in the office who just has to go against the grain, right? When everyone says "up", she says "down;" when we all think "left", he says "right." You swear the person exists only to think and say the exact opposite. It's never constructive, it's never helpful, and it always grinds things to a halt. Does it?

Each of us comes to work with a set of beliefs, ideas, norms, and preferences. We know that everyone is not the same, yet there is a desire for everyone to move forward without conflict so that stuff can get done, money can be made, and we can all go home at a reasonable hour. Dealing with conflict can be difficult, and our perception of those whom we think relish conflict - the naysayer, the cynic, the contrarian - can lead to undue stress and negativity. What motivates the contrarian? Why can't they just go with the flow, and why can we get so upset about it?

It is important to start by differentiating between the three commonly but erroneously interchanged words I used above: contrarian, cynic, and naysayer.

A contrarian, or contrarian thinker, refers to someone who opposes conventional wisdom or possesses counterintuitive views. A positive or “optimistic” contrarian does not deviate from mainstream thinking for the sole purpose of standing out or throwing a wrench into the works. Instead, they are driven by a genuine belief in an alternate vision. They see value in what most dismiss as useless. They are passionate about their divergent views, even in the face of criticism. That passion, however, can come across as abrasive, arrogant, or insensitive at times. The sociologist may see the contrarian as a rabblerouser or deviant, while the psychologist may anoint them as freethinkers. Plato, Martin Luther King, and Ghandi are noted contrarians, as was Steve Jobs (albeit with a more “difficult” personality). People with contrarian thinking tend to have the Myers-Briggs ENTP personality type. The ENTP personality type, also known as the debaters, tends to be extroverted, intuitive, thinking, and perceiving.

A cynic is defined by Merriam-Webster as a “fault-finding captious critic: one who believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest.” Other definitions expand the list of motivations to include ambition, greed, and materialism. Cynics view such motivations as worthless, harmful, and selfish. Many psychologists believe that cynicism stems from our primitive survival needs of familiarity, habits, control, and accuracy. It is the fourth need – accuracy – that primarily drives the cynic to never be fooled or to look foolish. Cynicism is a protective mechanism that allows us to preemptively judge and criticize. If we expect the worst, we can never be taken by surprise. While it offers a temporary cushion against disillusionment, it can do so at the cost of genuine understanding and exploration.

A naysayer is like a cynic with respect to their views about the motivations of others. Naysayers, however, have a broadly negative view of everything in life, including themselves. They perpetually deny, refuse, and doubt. They do not possess a passionate belief system like the contrarian.

In the work environment, particularly one characterized by high stress or large work volumes, it is hard to differentiate between the three and quite frankly nobody has the time or the interest in doing so. This is a fair statement because there is often a fine line between, for example, the contrarian and the naysayer. Internal motivation, delivery style, timing, and perception can make all the difference. Playing the devil’s advocate can be a useful role in the process of identifying holes in a plan. Playing that role continuously, or at the tail end of a marathon work session when such points could have been made much, much earlier, can be an irritation.

It is important to strike a balance between healthy disruption (the market loves industry disruptors) and chronic friction that kills morale and progress. To do this, I and others suggest the following:

1. Understand the psychology of the actor(s). The results of personality studies are not kind to most contrarians. They tend to be less agreeable, disorganized, lacking social graces, and occasionally self-destructive in their behavior. Contrarians tend to have a higher IQ, which for some leads them to feel less compelled to conform to social norms. The vocal or outwardly projecting sort can often do so to mask insecurities about themselves and their beliefs. Loud, steadfast communications are used to convince themselves as well as others. Some use contrarianism to establish identities distinct from larger groups that they perceive to have rejected them in the past. Others have very specific contrarian views based upon events that happened earlier in their lives, such as the child of divorced parents who as an adult passionately rails against the institution of marriage. If it is a cynic you are dealing with, remember that they are compelled to protect themselves against anything perceived as threatening to their ego or position. They would rather sink the ship on their own than have it go down for other reasons – at least self-sabotage is a measure of control. Sometimes the source of chronic cynicism is psychological trauma stemming from one or more incidents of a severe blow to a hope, dream, or idealistic outcome. Instead of dealing with the source, they will instead attack the ugliness of humanity – a vague and amorphous target. It is nearly hopeless to try to disprove a cynic; there is a near-endless supply of historical examples to justify a negative view of humanity. The people who constantly say “no” or “yes, but” have control issues, and can sometimes fall into the category of narcissism. For a narcissist, saying “no” is as much a defensive as it is a method of manipulation. ?Their statements and responses are oppositional, argumentative, and inflammatory. They bait you, one-up you, and insinuate directly or indirectly that they know more. The narcissist’s main objective is to feel superior. They’re competitive, uncomfortable with vulnerability, and won’t allow themselves to be known. They become more oppositional if you try to find equal ground or connect with them. They need distance, and making you feel small or insignificant is a way to achieve that. Their parents were authoritarians who didn’t allow them to voice their ideas, opinions, or feelings, yet overloaded them with adult responsibilities. They felt dominated, criticized, and taken advantage of. Saying “no” with speed and authority makes them feel momentarily in control and protected.
2. Set limits on criticism. The promotion of healthy dialogue is key, but sometimes you must be very precise in how that dialogue should take place. Setting ground rules for discussion and debate will help guide discussions and keep them from sinking into a quicksand of negativity while still allowing for the articulation of opposing viewpoints. These limits can include a list of banned words or phrases and the prohibition of personal attacks. Periods of debate can be timed and once a debate is closed it cannot be reopened. Take breaks when constructive criticism morphs into denigrating communication. Most importantly, once ground rules and guidelines are set, there cannot be any lapses in enforcement. To further assist and educate employees, refer them to YouTube videos or training programs that focus on effective communication skills and how negative behaviors can hurt others.
3. Offer counseling and guidance to those who struggle with disruptive behavior. The perpetually critical individual should be taken aside and helped to understand the following: First, they need to know when and where their behavior violated established guidelines and boundaries. Second, they need to understand that their behavior was not acceptable. Third, it should be clarified how their behavior negatively impacted the short and long-term goals related to the meeting or event where the behavior occurred (a Situation-Behavior-Impact feedback method can be effective here). Fourth, they should clearly hear what is expected of them moving forward and the ramifications of continued disruptive and negative behavior. The meeting must also serve as an opportunity for the individual to explain themselves and their intentions. It is entirely possible that their use of specific language and tone came from a subconscious place. While being direct about expectations and what is and is not acceptable, the disruptive employee should be given an opportunity to explain themselves and the time necessary to correct their behavior. It may be that the individual needs an outlet for their ideas and does better in one-on-one situations. By offering additional communication channels for the contrarian, you offer important validation and participation opportunities via active listening. Also, while you may possess some basic understanding of the possible sources of perpetually negative or contrarian behavior, this does not make you a trained psychologist; asking about trauma experienced in their childhood is not appropriate.
4. Set a tone of optimism and creativity. While the naysayer tends to offer a default “no” response, other well-meaning people attempt to find the correct answer vs. the incorrect answer so that success can be achieved. Because success can often be erroneously equated with perfection, the dialogue should be altered to seek out the “optimal” solution among a choice of many viable alternatives. Perfection, as we all know, is unobtainable. Naysayers tend to see problems as permanent. If a response of “that won’t work” emanates from a team member, challenge them to elaborate via questions such as "Specifically, why won’t it work?", "What would need to happen for it to work?", "What evidence exists in the field of failure or success?", and "What are some alternative solutions?" Remind the team constantly that the focus is on solutions, not problems. Everyone knows that problems exist, but if problems were truly insurmountable, we would all still be living in the Stone Age.
5. Evaluate your reactions to contrarian or cynical thinking. While disagreement and opposing views can often be productive, it doesn’t mean that people are always comfortable with conflict. If you find yourself frustrated by your office contrarian, take time to evaluate your thoughts and emotions. Why do you react in the way that you do? What is your relationship with conflict or disagreement? Do you overly internalize disagreement? Do others in the office have the same reaction as you? It is very important that you separate the cynicism of others from your self-worth. It is equally important to recognize that myriad points of view exist in the world and people won’t always walk the same path as you. When you take a step back and objectively evaluate the behavior of others and how you respond to that behavior, it will serve to promote empathy and understanding, thus leading to a more harmonized work environment.

References

Frazier, B. (8 Jan 2023). How to Deal with Someone Who Always Says “NO!” https://barbfrazier.com/blog-short-116-how-to-deal-with-someone-who-always-says-no/

Harrison, T. (n.d.). Contrarian Thinking: Why Contrarians Oppose Popular Beliefs? The Minds Journal. https://themindsjournal.com/what-is-contrarian-thinking/

Khanchandani, A. (7 Sep 2021). Being A Contrarian Shouldn’t Be A Personality Trait. Imperium. https://www.imperiumpublication.com/post/being-a-contrarian-shouldn-t-be-a-personality-trait

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Cynic. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved March 25, 2024, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cynic

Raphael, E. (n.d.). Know Any Cynical People? Here’s the Root of Their Cynicism. Rewire. https://thewireboard.rewireinc.com/resources/blog/know-cynical-people-heres-root-cynicism

Ravikant, N. (7 Aug 2023). Cynicism is easy. Mimicry is easy. Optimistic contrarians are the rarest breed. Substack. https://navalsarchive.substack.com/p/cynicism-is-easy-mimicry-is-easy

The School of Life. (n.d.). The Problem With Cynicism. https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/the-problem-with-cynicism/

Svoboda, E. (1 May 2012). Field Guide to The Contrarian. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201205/field-guide-the-contrarian#:~:text=Contrarians%20don't%20care%20what%20you%20think.&text=Notable%20Characteristics%3A%20Defines%20the%20phrase,email%20forwards%20promoting%20offbeat%20philosophies.

Wilding, M. (2019). 4 Ways to Manage Naysayers at Work. https://melodywilding.com/4-ways-to-manage-naysayers-at-work/#:~:text=Almost%20every%20team%20has%20one,their%20opinions%2C%20even%20when%20unwarranted.