Dealing with Loneliness

How do you cope with being alone? Are you comfortable with your own company? Do you miss having people around you? For many of us, an opportunity to enjoy an hour or two of solitude is a rare and welcome gift in a busy life. It’s a chance to relax, reflect, gather our thoughts and step back from the noise and bustle of other people. But, there can be too much of a good thing. An hour or two of quiet reflection can be very beneficial for our inner peace and wellbeing. But, as I’m sure you will appreciate, when the period of solitude extends for too long or happens too often, it can lead to uncomfortable feelings of being separated from the rest of humanity. This sense of isolation can mark the onset of problems. In short, we don’t function well in isolation. It’s contrary to how we evolved as a socially-dependent creature that thrives in close-knit, mutually-supportive groups.

Yet, the research tells us that increasing numbers of people around the world are experiencing a damaging sense of social isolation.

Whilst it’s very helpful to learn to be comfortable with your own company, it’s important to recognise the importance of having a close circle of individuals you feel comfortable with. These are the people you can talk to, friends or relatives with whom you can share your thoughts and feelings. It’s about having a voice so that you can express yourself. It’s also about your willingness to listen when they need to talk. It’s a virtuous cycle of communication that lends a very healthy foundation to your sense of identity and to your presence in the world.

If you would like to take better control of this essential human dynamic, you could keep notes about how much time you spend alone and how often you reach out to make contact with close friends and family. The results might surprise you. If you note how you feel when you’ve been in touch and enjoyed a good chat, you’ll create a positive feedback loop that will encourage you to make sure you maintain regular, healthy contact with your close circle of contacts. You can see that this approach to loneliness is essentially proactive. Rather than waiting for someone to contact you, you’re the one who takes the initiative and sets up the conversations.

We need more conversations and we need to step beyond the limitations of social media. We need to talk and listen and build our communication on the spoken word. This is a wonderful key to improve our health and wellbeing and introduce a greater degree of natural balance into our lives.

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