Dealing With Imposter Syndrome!

Let me open my heart to you, just a little.

I don't know why I have this urge, but let me obey the Holy Spirit and be vulnerable with you for a second.

I've just been reminded of a very difficult time I've been through, emotionally. I lived in fear, at what also felt like a blip of success. People talk about failing because we fear trying, but very few people talk about what to me felt like THE FEAR OF SUCCESS. God opened multiple doors of success, and immediately when I realized that what I had prayed for was finally about to happen, I shrank. I feared. I felt myself losing confidence in myself. I felt like an impostor, and I felt that very soon, the world was going to find out that I'm really 'a nobody'. So I dragged my feet. But God kept opening doors of significance, and each time I appeared on those platforms, I felt like I was falling deep into a world I'll never manage to keep myself in.

I wondered too many times about what happens then when the world finally rejects me. Seriously, I felt like that day was coming, it was just a matter of time. God opened a door for me at a national radio station, and each time I went to do a show there, I felt like that was the day to hear "You don't have the talent, pack and go", but God kept on promoting me each time this thought came. I look at my email inbox and see invites from reputable platforms, and I wondered, "Is this it?", and that becomes the moment I have been given the highest honour for my ability to deliver such presentations. I got given jobs worth thousands of pulas, and I kept the money there for weeks because I was waiting for the email ordering me to send back the money because I never felt like I deserved it, but God kept sending more.

I read your inboxes at times appreciating who I am to you, and what God is doing for me and through me. And it sounded like a contradiction because how I felt about myself at that time, compared to what you experienced of me were clearly two different things. I asked God, in utmost humility, "What is it that you see in me?", "WHY did you choose to call me?". Of all the people out there more deserving and greatly talented, WHY MY MOTHER'S SON?

I felt like sharing this because I have a feeling that someone out there is probably going through that phase. Probably with your job. Or whatever it is you're doing. A self-sabotaging and toxic phase from the pits of hell every great man and woman will pass through. Fear that grips your heart and you feel like a nobody, very few people survive it.

God said to me, "Unless you believe that I have called you, it doesn't matter what else you believe about yourself". I think this is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to believe about me, that I'm called. That I'm called to occupy the spaces I'm occupying in the world. That I'm called for platforms of significance around the world. That a day is coming where multitudes will press themselves just to find a seat in places I'm announced to appear at.

You're called by God. Before you were formed in your mother's womb, God knew you and ordained you his Prophet to many nations. In you are the mechanisms and wiring of God to impact the world in ways you've never seen. The Bible says "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, or has it been in the heart of man what the Lord has in store for them who love him".

I'M NOT HERE BECAUSE MY PARENTS WANTED ME HERE, I'M HERE BECAUSE THE HEAVENS NECESSITATED MY EXISTENCE HERE ON THIS EARTH.

And so are you.

Thank you for following this newsletter, and while we are here, the big news is that we have finally opened registration for the 2022 Project124 Africa Entrepreneurship Programs. If you are in SADC, East & West Africa and you want to take your entrepreneurship journey to another level, this is your program. Please do register on this link or click the poster below.

Until the next episode of the GJK Newsletter, Asante Sana!

Cheers!

GJK