Dealing with heightened emotions...

How do you react when one of your team has what you would call an overreaction?

Max is the manager of a small sales team and he had just signed in for the usual Monday morning meeting to go through forecasts. Usually this was done in the boardroom but being back in a lockdown due to Covid-19 cases in his local community, the team were meeting virtually, again. For Max, leading a team through yet another lockdown was creating a multitude of heightened emotional reactions and they were confronting. During this standard weekly meeting to review forecasts, one of his team, seemingly out of nowhere, jumped into the conversation and yelled loudly and aggressively you don’t care about what we are going through as people, all you are ever focused on is how much money you will make. For a moment, it completely disrupted Max's thoughts and focus. Being so unexpected, he felt his reaction rising from his chest and he knew the entire team could see annoyance and surprise written all over his face.

Heightened emotional reactions are very real and happening a lot in our current changing work environments, leading quickly to issues like anxiety, tension, frustration, overwhelm and even eventually burnout of leaders just like you.

When a behaviour comes out of nowhere and causes you to catch your breath like it did for Max, your amygdala, often referred to as the stress centre of your brain kicks into gear and does the job it was created to do. The amygdala is the part of the brain that is responsible for the fight, flight or freeze response. It keeps us safe by putting us into a heightened state of awareness. It’s like a radar for threat, constantly asking, am I safe?

HIGHLY EMOTIVE TIME

Right now, many leaders, just like Max, are coping with team members’ who have fragile emotional states and who are having to balance continual changes back and forth with shifts in alert levels because of Covid-19 finding its way into our communities.

Offices suddenly close, kitchen tables and spare rooms become the new workplace and pets and children are in and out of those spaces wanting attention.

Team members are already on high alert in these times and even the slightest event can invoke an overreaction.

THE LEADERSHIP POKER FACE

Leaders are often trying to perfect the poker face, that face that is not a face at all. The reactionless one, just to buy you a moment to gather your thoughts. The alternative is speaking the first thing that pops into your mind and that is not always the safest option.

But it is not always easy, especially if you have strong emotional reactions of your own to deal with. Even if you can keep your words silent for a moment, micro reactions can show through, like an eye flicker, slight frown or a reddening face. If you cannot manage your own inner emotional state, people will sense it!

So, what if you could widen the gap between the impulse to react and your actual response? Keep disruptive impulses in check and stay effective under stress, remain clear headed and calm.

Understanding a little of what is going on in your brain adds another layer to your self-awareness and self-awareness is a catalyst to gaining more control.

I want you to do a small activity because experiencing what I am about to explain will take your understanding of this information to a whole new level. Trust me for a moment. I assure you it will be easier to understand what I tell you about your brain.

A QUICK EXERCISE

1.????? Get a piece of paper and pen

2.????? Put a timer on for 30 seconds

3.????? Write your first and last name on a blank piece of paper as many times as you can

4.????? Change your pen into the other hand; your non dominant hand

5.????? Put the timer on for 30 seconds

6.????? Write your first and last name again as many times as you can

You will have noticed the second time that you had to concentrate more.

When you wrote your name the first time, with your usual writing hand, you were using a part of the brain called the Limbic brain. The?limbic system?is a set of structures in the brain that deal with motivation, emotion, learning, and memory. It is part of the brain we use when doing habitual tasks. Habits can get us through the routine things in life. Scientists often refer to it as the reflexive part of your brain and it will alert us if something is out of the ordinary.

ENTER THE PRE-FRONTAL CORTEX

What happened when you wrote your name the second time is you tapped into a part of your brain called the pre-frontal cortex. This is the part of your brain that looks after what scientists call executive tasks. Basically, they are the tasks that require more effort like decision making, problem solving, being focused, and the especially important process of emotional regulation.

It takes more effort to put into gear and if you remained in this highly concentrated state for any length of time, you would likely become rather tired.

Daniel Goleman in his book ‘The New Leader’ says it well – “the pre-frontal area is also the part of the brain that can veto an emotional impulse and so ensure that our response will be more effective”.

THE PAUSE

This moment of veto is the moment in which we can choose to pause.

The gentle disruption of that pause can be enough time to allow your brain to kick back into ‘leadership’ and ‘appropriateness’ gear and leave you proud of yourself for reacting better to what could have turned into a bad situation.

No one will remember your pause. They will remember what you say or do after the pause.

LAST WORD

Next time you feel yourself hijacked by someone else’s heightened emotional response, notice what is happening. Have you flicked into fight, flight or freeze? Recognise reactions in your mind and body and remember the pause.

The more you can do this, the more you are practicing conscious leadership.

No one will remember the pause!

Brenda James

Leadership & Team Development Coach