Dealing effectively with Rude Interviewers

As I write this, I have just had a call with a Financial Services professional who recently had a Zoom interview with a rude and aggressive interviewer for a job that he really wanted. Has this ever happened to you? Is it possible that as you build your career and you go to job interviews, you will meet someone who acts in this unprofessional manner? Here are some ideas and techniques to consider, should this happen to you.

As a starting point, we have to acknowledge that the interviewer has some leverage: they may be the person determining if you are going to get the job you are interviewing for, or at least may be the one deciding if you progress to the next stage of the hiring process. Naturally, this does give them some power in the interaction, so the overall goal is to handle the situation well without jeopardising your chances.

Let us consider for a moment why the interviewer may be behaving in this manner. It might be because:

1. They have had a hard day, week or year, and are allowing their behaviour to fall below their normal high standards.
2. Perhaps you are being tested deliberately. The interviewer may be trying to get you rattled to see how you react to a bit of synthetic pressure.
3. It may well be, unfortunately, that the person has rude behaviours that have been tolerated by their organisation. The person may be emboldened to behave like this because they are doing the interview on screen and not face-to-face. As a side note, a firm which tolerates poor behaviour by employees when interviewing candidates may well be a red flag that could itself indicate a lack of adequate systems to ensure a good company culture.

Whatever the reason, you need to handle it calmly and effectively - in my experience, the following ideas and techniques are worth considering:

1. Feel strong. Before the interview, remind yourself of all the things that you have achieved in your career. Remind yourself of all the skills, experience and value that you have to offer and feel great about yourself. In other words, have a strong sense of certainty about who you are and what you stand for. With this strong frame you are unlikely to be fazed by poor behaviour.
2. The bottom line is that the person doing this is only running patterns of behaviour. Granted, these patterns are not ideal but the person has learnt to meet their emotional needs this way. Viewed from this perspective, we can try to find compassion for the person and in turn, try and help them find other ways which will serve them and work better for you.
3. Notice what is going on but don’t buy into their reality bubble. If the interviewer decides to be rude then they are setting up a frame or context where they are on the offensive and you have to defend. You don’t need to buy into that frame at all. Not buying into it starts with you recognising what is going on. Once you can see this behavioural pattern for what it is, you can see that there is no need for you to feel defensive.
4. In fact, you can, to an extent, set the frame yourself in the opening few words of the interaction by very rapidly achieving rapport and pre-framing your agenda right at the outset.
5. If the interviewer is aggressive or impolite, give them the benefit of the doubt and answer the question taking it at face value whilst remaining open-minded and calm.
6. Imagine that the interviewer is now on a roll and has adopted an aggressive questioning tone which verges on an interrogation. That has a momentum and so an effective way of handing this is called pattern interrupt. Maintaining whatever level of rapport you have hopefully established, your goal is to bring them back. Have you ever found yourself on a bit of rant and been interrupted by someone with a weird or surprising question? If so, you may have found yourself so distracted that it was difficult to even remember what you were saying. That distracting question interrupted your ‘rant’ pattern so much so that you found it difficult to continue and lost all the (conversational) momentum that you had.
7. Say what you are saying with energy and conviction all the way to the end of your sentences and keep going, especially if the person interrupts you or talks over you. This will send a clear signal.
8. Maintain strong eye contact and if you look away, do not use submissive body language by looking down or lowering your head. The interviewer will begin to notice that they are dealing with someone who is not going to be easily cowered. You absolutely do not need to be aggressive; instead, remain good humoured and completely unphased. After all, you can see what’s happening.
9. Don’t get boxed in. If, for example, the interviewer tries to tie you down to two options - ‘Are you this or are you that?’ - they are trying to box you in. Your response can be to suggest an entirely different level of perspective: "Both this and that have their merits and I would say that entirely depends of the particular circumstances”.
10. Be comfortable with silence. It is ok to have gaps and pauses in the interaction and is a soft way for you to change the tone, pace and rhythm of the conversation.
11. Call out the behaviour obliquely by referring to other people. So, if you are discussing what you are looking for, then you could say that you want to be in a firm where there is respect for co-workers and interactions are conducted in a professional manner. Above all, you want to avoid firms with toxic cultures. You could then tack on a question asking the interviewer who is, after all, representing the firm you are interviewing with, to characterise the culture that it aspires to.
12. Call out good behaviour. Without sounding patronising but rather friendly and enthusiastic, you want to reward the interviewer when he or she says something good by saying something like ‘thank you’ or ‘that’s a great question’. People tend to move towards what they are rewarded for.
13. Not my first rodeo. It would help you a great deal if you are aware of these ideas and have rehearsed and practised them so that you become adept at dealing with these situations. If you have ever witnessed a stand-up comedian handling hecklers, they seem so in control and handle the situation with barely a ripple on the water. One reason for that is that they have done it before, hundreds of times at gigs. Through practicing these skills and techniques, even in a role-play scenario, you will find handling rude interviews becomes straightforward.

It is worth emphasising that a rude interviewer can be a significant red flag, especially if they are someone you would ultimately end up working with, should you join the firm. Try to decipher the root cause of their rude tone or manner, deal with it using the above-mentioned strategy, and then ultimately reflect on what this tells you about the role and firm.

If you are interviewing for roles and want to maximise your chances of success, do get in touch for an introductory call.