Dealing with Diversity: Part Two

In my last article, I reflected on the definition of diversity and focused on the importance of good repair. I talked about how critical good intent is to foster inclusion. This time, I'd like to reflect on what comprises good intent, so that we don’t need to get the repair kit out as often!?

Presence

It is the most natural thing in the world to walk away from things that feel uncomfortable, to avoid confrontation and seek our “tribe” - people who make us feel safe. It takes intention to seek out the person(s) in the room, who is/are in the minority and to let them know you see them and want to include them.?

Presence also includes good listening. Simon Sinek talks about regular meditation being a wonderful way to practice good listening, because if you can train your mind to focus on one thing - namely the person you are listening to and what they are saying - you are giving that person a wonderful gift; your full attention.

Personally speaking, I am at the bottom of the class in this department. How can I be expected to listen, when I’m already thinking of my highly clever response?! Patience grasshopper, patience…..it takes deep work. In the worst case, I have a great solution for repair! :-)

Curiosity

When faced with someone who has different opinions, beliefs and values to you, stay curious, even if it seems hard. Keep asking questions to gain an understanding of their perspective, however different to yours. “How did you come to your opinion? Tell me more……tell me more.”

As Martha Beck says, “You may love bees; you may think they are beautiful creatures, who are critical to the survival of humanity. But if you have been stung by bees 5 times a day, every day of your life, you may have a different view of bees.” So don’t be afraid to ask someone how they got to their opinion. They may have perfectly valid reasons you can empathise with.

This is another area that I find really hard. I have to shake off years of bad behaviour and the feeling that I am right and winning the argument is the goal. If someone had said to me 10 years ago, "You can be right, or you can be happy", I might have just shown happiness the nearest emergency exit. That's the unfortunate depth of my conditioning. I cringe at the memories of Brexit debates. I most definitely did not practice curiosity - and I certainly didn’t change anybody’s mind with my firehose of opinions.

If only I had learned much earlier to encourage others to be storytellers and tell me how they got to their opinions. With my own forcefulness, I may have forced others into cementing their own opinions and, in turn, caused them to become less curious and open with me. In this period of time, where division and extremism is so prevalent, I choose to focus on the only thing I have control over and that is my own actions and reactions......"Tell me more".

Openness

Be reflective. Be open to seeing another perspective and empathising with that view. Encourage expression and openness when hearing other opinions. Expression, not suppression….I love it.?

I have definitely been guilty of suppressing the views of others, whilst I try to make my point. I’ve even committed the deadly sin of all English folk. I get louder and speak more slowly thinking this will make me more convincing! This is the spoken equivalent of arguing IN CAPITAL LETTERS…..and with a lot of exclamation marks!!!!!!

Since listening to Yvonne Jackson's presentation on DEI, I have realised that I need to observe a room better. I need to observe who is in the position of majority and who is in the position of minority - and this might be fluid depending on the context.? If I am in the majority, it is my personal duty to treat the person(s) in minority with curiosity, openness and respect. Every individual should hold themselves accountable to be inclusive in their behaviour.

I need to respect and have empathy for the fact that people in the minority rarely feel as though they are in a safe space. They will be more cautious about speaking up and being scrutinized. No meeting rules or posters on walls will change that. It is up to me to help create that safe space by honouring our differences.?As Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

It is my intent to see constant discovery of each other’s diversity as a source of joy, not a source of conflict. It is my intent to focus on what unites us, not what divides us.

Your Wayfinder-in-Training