DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN CONFLICTS
Mediators often work with people who say they simply can’t communicate with their opposing party.
The complaints are typical: “I can’t get through to them” or “They won’t listen to reason.” Sometimes mediators can offer a few simple words of advice that can go a long way to opening up communication between the parties.
Some simple suggestions that mediators might make include:
First: “Have you considered taking a recess from arguing and trying to persuade them that they’re wrong?
Second: “Have you verbalized what you understand their position to be?” Many times participants discover they didn’t fully hear or understood the other person’s position. Reaching agreement of each other’s position is a critical necessary step to move forward.
Third: Attempt to develop some empathy by asking “If you were to find yourself in the same situation as they are, could you see how they might feel the way they do?” This is not to ask the person to agree with the other person, but to begin to understand how the other person developed the position they are advocating.
Fourth: Separate feelings about the person from their position. Being able to do this can lead to “an agreement to disagree” with mutual respect.
Finally, if the parties are willing to proceed I ask, “Is there anything we can agree on today?” It is not unusual for parties to find a small aspect they can agree upon and then find themselves willing to go further.
Executive Director at Ku'ikahi Mediation Center
3 个月Another thoughtful article, Fred! Would you once again be open to me publishing it in an internal newsletter for our mediators? Of course I’d create you. ??