Dealing with Criticism: How to Grow as a Calm, Satisfied Human

Norman Vincent Peale nailed it, "We'd rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism"

Dealing with criticism is always challenging, and surely we creative workers know that. Here, I offer a life lesson that applies strongly to creative endeavors.

Bouncing back after a difficult critique or someone's judgment or evaluation of us or our traits happens best when we see ourselves honestly and frame our behavior as actions or habits, not as an extension of our self-worth or personality. My grandma always made a point of telling me my behavior could improve rather than saying I was a rotten kid.

I find it helpful to reframe criticism as feedback. A therapist once told me that we can solve 90% of our relationship issues by reframing, that is, seeing the situation in a different way. If I shift my mindset, I can take criticism as a growth opportunity rather than a personal attack or a slam. Even the harshest feedback may contain useful insights.?

Extract what’s helpful and let go of the rest—remember that the critic is simply one person. Often, they have a job to do, like parenting or being your boss, and they are only experiencing you in a given moment in time. Their judgment might be predicated on how much pressure they are under, outside influences, or even their mood of the day.

That all means it's important to separate your identity from your behavior. Read that again.?

It becomes easier then to focus yourself on evaluating your specific behavior than on your sense of self or your feelings of inadequacy. Criticism is usually about a certain event or situation. Most of us can be a model person one day, meeting all expectations, and then feel like we're the spawn of the devil the next. Keep walking. Detaching emotionally can truly empower you.

"Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It is the only way to correct our mistakes." - William Faulkner

I keep my progress and growth as a human in the front of my mind. I'm always ready to acknowledge how far I've come, what I've managed to learn. When you make a mistake, I encourage you to be in touch with what your intent was. Your worth isn’t tied to a single critique or a set of critiques. Someone else may believe they could perform a task better than you do, but so what? If your intent is to do the best you're capable of, there is no reason to feel depressed or depleted by someone else's judgment.

Don't give up your personal power

I believe in listening twice, once to what is said and then to who said it and why. Is the critique coming from someone with expertise or just an opinionated individual? Does that person have standing—I mean, is there some reason they have the right or ability to judge you? If not, then there is no reason for you to let negative emotions or old self-messaging bring you down.

Consider this very carefully: Filter for useful advice and identify actionable points. Not every critique requires a response or change. You don't have to alter anything if the changes don't ring true to you. A critique is the response of a single entity based on multiple criteria. As a writer, I get a ton of criticism, and I know I get to decide if I am comfortable with changes or if I need to ignore the critique and move on. And you have the same privilege.

Develop resilience?

Don't put all your caviar on one cracker. The more experience you invite into your life, the more you learn about life, then the less any single critique will feel like a make-or-break moment. The more you grow, the better you will feel about yourself and the more likely you'll be to meet your goals. Keep going. Set personal goals. Learn what works for you and what types of things you do well.

Acknowledge your weaker points and try to strengthen them if that suits your own journey,

And above all, celebrate wins. Keep a file of positive feedback or milestones to remind yourself of your progress. Celebrating the wins is solid gold.

Bottom line here if criticism feels overwhelming, take a giant step back and give yourself time to process it. Maybe journal about your feelings. Analyze your emotional reactions and try to decide what precipitated them.?

I often find that when something said to me stings, it's because it throws me back to a time in life when I didn't feel strong or confident. Once I know that, I can reframe the present situation more positively and be kind to myself, recognizing my current reality.

If you still get too bummed too often

I thrive on social support in the real world and online. So I create and maintain a support community. How??

I reach out to people and surround myself with those who have a positive perspective on life. I look for people I have things in common with so we can understand each other and be supportive. I keep busy socially. I take classes. I embrace family. When people know me, the person, they are likely to offer support rather than judgment.?

Sometimes, I share my successes and frustrations with supportive friends or family. Make no mistake, I vet these nurturers carefully since I don't want to feel rejected by loved ones. But in these cases, I am not looking for absolute objectivity. I need encouragement to play in. For example, I once wrote an eBook offering advice and inspiration to women. It was stuff from my heart and things I had learned in life. I asked my sister to beta-read it and comment. She said, "Who the hell says you're the expert?"?

Never asked for her input again when I wanted support.

"A good writer is someone who can write a good sentence, and a great writer is someone who can write a good sentence and accept criticism." - Maya Angelou

A few final words about mindset

I try to focus on the big picture by setting goals, keeping them in front of me, and reminding myself of who I want to be. I refuse to ever compare myself or my work to anyone else. We are all different and all valuable. That mindfulness allows me to treat every criticism as a stepping stone toward improving and meeting my goals.

If we reign in our anxiety, our inner critics, and even some outer critics, we can keep a strong and positive perspective. That fuels our energy for success. Try some of my suggested strategies; if you still feel overwhelmed every time someone rains on your parade, create a routine that doles criticism out measuredly and avoids people who thrive on being hyper-critical.

Set limits and decide when and how often you'll open yourself to feedback or evaluation. That can help avoid burnout. Remove yourself from pessimists or perpetual critics. Filter out unconstructive criticism.

Once you regain your self-esteem and confidence, make a step-by-step plan for recognizing and applying valid suggestions, making sure you only follow those that make sense to you.

Here's a fable about being true to your truths and yourself. Think about this for a while:

A person had a simple plan to build a house, but each neighbor, friend, and passerby, thought it could be done better. So, wanting to be a people pleaser, the builder makes all the changes. One person said to add a balcony, another recommended a second chimney, and another insisted on different windows and doors. On it went. The house ended up a mismatched and dysfunctional mess. It was uninhabitable. The builder gave up and rented a condo. No one was satisfied, and the builder's vision was lost.

Stay passionate and clear-headed with confidence in yourself. Live for joy, my friend, and work diligently at being your best self. Don't sweat the small stuff. Embrace criticism that pushes you to explore new strengths and skills. That's especially important when your work is subject to frequent review and criticism--writing is for sure that kind of work.

Criticism is part of life, but it doesn’t define you. Each piece of feedback is a chance to grow stronger, refine your personality, and move closer to your goals. Everything you do can move you forward, no matter how others react. That's how we all discover wisdom and maturity.

And never forget that a sense of humor is a huge assist:

"Tell me, oh Master!" the youth cried to the Guru. "What is the secret of wisdom?"

The Master replied: "Good judgment."

"But how do you get good judgment?" asked the young man.

The Master replied: "Experience."

"And how do you get experience?" the young man persisted.

"Ah," said the Master: "Bad judgment."??