Dealing With The Constantly Triggered

During a leadership mastermind session, I brought up the following question for discussion.

"What's the most common problem you see around you?"

People in this mastermind group are from countries around the world. Still, surprisingly, after much sharing and deliberation, everyone came to ONE conclusion.

The most common problem people notice is that – many people are easily triggered (this shows up as road rage, whining, gossiping, withdrawal, rumour-mongering, trolling or other aggressive behaviour). They in turn might trigger or upset others - and the contagion spreads. It is as if these people dig a hole for themselves and want others to jump right in.

Media often classify these behaviours generically as 'mental health issues', but there is more to this than meets the eye. Many people have deep-rooted problems, unprocessed 'significant emotional experiences', difficulty in adapting to change and refuse to seek help. They find it easy to take it out on others. While you may not be able to change other people, you can definitely change yourself. In a world that cannot stop triggering you, you have the power to control your response. (One Leadership Lesson You Need To Heed.)

In a world that cannot stop triggering you, you have the power to control your response.

The Most Desirable Habit

Self-control is a habit that can be developed and will help you to stop making a bad situation worse. The key aspect of this to delay response to the stimuli so that you can make a better response –?every time.

One of the most ignored method to improve your ability for self-control is to anticipate triggers. There is a province I often visit where I find people are mostly negative. They start their day scouting for negative news in the media. They spend the rest of the day discussing, arguing and defending their perspectives with others. Their mind is a tinderbox and they are open to launch into arguments/abuse/fights at the drop of a hat. Through out the day these folks seem to be living on the edge. Studying this group has helped me to notice how people unconsciously allow themselves to be programmed for fear, anger and self-destruction. If you want to avoid getting drawn into unnecessary arguments that spoil your days, weeks and months – there is ONE thing you can do.

Before you step into an environment where you expect to be triggered, you need to make a conscious choice to slow down your response. This allows you to discover the working of your mind. This is a simple step that will help you develop greater self-control.

By observing your triggers and delaying your responses you engage your prefrontal cortex to come up with an optimal response (after gauging the consequences of each option). This will not only keep you sane, it will enhance your executive presence - because you are able to demonstrate grace under pressure. Just like the duck that gracefully float on the river, without anyone noticing the relentless footwork under water. Some people seem to learn this early, while other never seem to get it.

Refusing To Capitulate - The Alternative Solution

I once overheard our neighbour's child complaining to his mom about some incident at his school. He goes "Then, he used a swear word! He used a swear word!!! – "I stared at him and said 'Are you high? Are you high?'" Then he proceeded to tell his mom "I literally asked him that, because I can't use a swear word." I was amused to hear this, because the boy seemed to have figured out something most adults haven't. When you ask a question to someone who's triggering you, it forces them to think and even reconsider their choices when dealing with you. This will also help you to stop the contagion without escalating the situation.

When you ask a question to someone who's triggering you, it forces then to think and even reconsider their choices when dealing with you. This will help you to stop the contagion without escalating the situation.

Slowing Down The Reaction

When you ask a question, it also slows down your own response. This allows your brain more time to gauge the options you have. A client once told me she often gets racist comments from her colleagues. I coached her on some questions she can use whenever she faced that situation again. The aggressors soon stopped their bullying behaviour – her calmer and gracious response seemed to have disarmed them. When you can refuse to get triggered easily and can defuse the situation quickly, you have better executive presence. You can avoid becoming the person who's constantly triggered.

When you can refuse to get triggered easily and can defuse the situation quickly, you have better executive presence.

Call To Action

Not everyone is wired to adapt to a rapidly changing world. Be aware of your triggers and the environments that triggers you. Anticipate triggers and stay ready to come up with a matured response. Heed to this advice and share it with your family, friends, teams and peers. There might be someone out there, who needs to hear this. Share this if you find this information worthy of sharing. I would also like to hear about your experience.

What strategies do you adopt to manage your triggers?