Dealing with Betrayal | Becoming Your Best Self | The Neuroscience of Willpower

Welcome back! Here are my 3 highlights for January:

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Dealing with Betrayal

?Whether it’s in your personal life or your business, if you’ve ever been betrayed, you know that the saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.

It comes from the ones you love. The ones you trusted.

It’s undoubtedly one of the most painful experiences you can go through.

Science fun fact: Research has shown that social pain and physical pain share certain neuroarchitecture (a network of brain regions that support the affective but not the sensory components of physical pain underlie both experiences).

So yes, betrayal really hurts.

And it also makes you question EVERYTHING. If you were wrong about THAT person, what else have you been wrong about?

It’s easy to become cynical or to get lost in a downward spiral of blame and hate. Is that the person you’d like to become though?

You didn’t have a choice in how you were treated, but you do have a choice in how you respond.

Here are 3 tips for dealing with betrayal:

1.?? Put your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being first. Just like you need to recover from a physical injury, you need time to recover from emotional injuries too. Be kind to yourself.

2.?? Don’t play games and pretend it didn’t hurt. Face the pain and avoid retaliation. Retaliation does not bring the satisfaction you seek, it will only leave you feeling ashamed.

3.?? While it's natural to be cautious after betrayal, work on rebuilding trust in future relationships. Not everyone will betray your trust, and maintaining healthy connections is important.

Pro tip: Forgiveness is NOT about condoning somebody’s morally wrong behavior, it’s about setting yourself free.

As sad as it is to accept: If people betray you, they don’t deserve you and you’re better off without them.

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Becoming Your Best Self

The start of a new year is always a good time to take stock and reflect: Are you living a life you’re truly proud of? Are you living up to your potential?

Or are you playing it small, staying stuck in circumstances that you don’t enjoy?

An easy way to take stock is to look at the different areas of your life and rate them on a scale from 1 to 10. How satisfied are you with your

-?????? Business/Career

-?????? Finances

-?????? Health

-?????? Family & Friends

-?????? Romance

-?????? Personal Growth

-?????? Fun & Recreation

-?????? Physical Environment?

What area got the lowest score? Why?

Obviously, all those areas are connected and even small changes in one area can have profound effects on the other areas too. So if you haven’t done so already, pick an area to focus on and start making those small changes. If you don’t know how to get started or you need someone to hold you accountable, feel free to reach out.

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The Neuroscience of Willpower

Did you know that there’s a brain region that grows when you’re doing hard things that challenge you?

The brain generates willpower through a specific structure called the anterior mid cingulate cortex. This area is a hub that receives inputs from various brain areas related to reward, executive function, autonomic function, motor planning, and goal seeking.

When we express tenacity and willpower by doing something we don't want to do, or resisting something we want to do, we activate and strengthen this area. This process creates a closed loop, reinforcing the circuits that give rise to tenacity and willpower, making them more robust and accessible in the future.

It's important to note that our ability to engage tenacity and willpower is also influenced by our autonomic function, which can be affected by factors like sleep deprivation, pain, emotional distress, and distraction.

I also discussed this in a short & sweet solo episode of the Wired For Success podcast this month:

Enjoy!

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Until next time,

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Claudia

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PS: If you’re looking for more personalized support, don’t hesitate to book a free 20min Strategy Session with me to discuss how I can help you grow with more ease & flow. I’m opening up a small number of 1:1 coaching spots, so if you’re interested in one of them, let’s chat ASAP!

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