Dealing with Adversity - Seeing the Full Picture

By Rabbi Yosef Gesser

When looking at a person or a situation, we need to look at the big picture. That means considering everything, taking in all the details, not just one detail or aspect of a situation. This perspective enables us to respond appropriately and will spare us much stress and aggravation.

To some detail-oriented people, seeing the bigger picture may be a challenge. Dwelling on a few details or the small ones causes you to lose focus. You need to step back and see the totality of things.

?Consider the following scenario: You’re driving and the car in front of you is going unduly slow for no apparent reason. You resist the urge to honk your horn, shout angrily out the window, or gesture towards the other driver. You think to yourself, “Why are these bad drivers allowed on our roads?!” The driver finally turns into a space and parks. To your surprise, he emerges with a walker or other object indicating he has a disability which explains his slowness. You are so glad you were patient and did not express your displeasure!

?Patience is cognate with humility, a trait that helps us zero in on the big picture. You realize you are not the only one in this world. You are aware that there are other people to consider when trying to accomplish something.

Harav Aharon Kotler, zt”l, was once asked by the administration of Beth Medrash Govoha to visit Cleveland on behalf of the yeshivah since there was reason to believe there were people who would be of great help. Rav Aharon replied, “Cleveland is home to Telshe Yeshiva. We must not undermine the connection they have with their local supporters. You must find out if they mind if I come there.” The administrators investigated and found out there was no problem. “Not only does the yeshivah not mind but they want to invite you to deliver a shiur in the yeshivah,” they told him

At one of the offices Rav Aharon visited in Cleveland the company head started to deliver a tirade against bnei yeshivah. “What do we need them for, why do they sit and study all day.” Uncharacteristically Rav Aharon sat there and did not respond to this display of contempt for bnei Torah although he could have put the man in his place in no time. The Rosh Yeshivah’s companion from the yeshivah administration was getting angrier and angrier but the Rosh Yeshivah shot him a glance telling him to remain quiet. When it was over, they left with a pitifully small check. Outside, Rav Aharon explained to his companion, “I came here with the understanding that we were to not do anything to harm Telshe Yeshiva. I remained silent because I feared that a fiery response on my part could impel this man to cut off his support for Telshe.” A Gadol looks at the big picture.

There is a practical benefit of considering the big picture. All of us have goals to pursue and projects we wish to accomplish. Unfortunately, the path to success may be strewn with obstacles in the form of pesky, small details. You want to start a side hustle or a chessed project. Perhaps consult with a knowledgeable friend or an expert who can guide you on how to consider the issues from a broader perspective in the grand scheme of things and overcome these obstacles.

Considering the big picture helps us in other ways. We see how others live and conjure up a misleading image of their supposed wonderful situation. Midrash Koheles offers a mashal of a caged bird and a free bird that alights nearby. The latter observes as food and a small trough of water is brought to the captive bird. “You are so lucky,” he laments. Your food and drink are served directly to you, while I need to go scouting about for them.” The other bird looks at him and counters, “You fool! You lay your eyes on my food and drink. You don’t notice my captivity.” So it is with us. Many of us see the blessings in other people’s lives but don’t perceive what they are missing. People allow us to see what they want us to see; what they wish to conceal, we don’t see. A noted mohel related that when at a bris, everyone is all smiles, mazel tovs all around. When he goes to the home to check on the baby, behind the scenes, the dynamic in the home is often a different - and less than optimal - story.

?As a corollary of looking at the big picture, Pirkei Avos (1:6) gives us a valuable piece of life advice: “Hevey dan es kol ha’adam l’chaf z’chus – Judge every person favorably.”

Judging others favorably depends on our ability to look beyond the externalities of someone’s behavior to grasp what is going on which usually means entering the reality of his world. In a future column, we hope to further explore this key concept of judging others favorably

?Rabbi Yosef Gesser is a longtime writer for Hamodia Newspaper as well as an inspirational speaker on various topics, including dealing with adversity. He can be reached at [email protected].

(This article appeared in Hamodia Daily of August 27, 2024.)

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