Dealing with Abusive relationship

Abusive relationships are a global problem, but they’re prevalent in Guyana as well. A 2016 study found that nearly 60% of women in Guyana had experienced some form of violence from their partners.?An average of four women will experience some form of intimate partner violence in their lifetime.

These are alarming statistics, and it’s one that we need to do something about. But before we can find a solution, we must understand why this problem is so prevalent in Guyana.?

There are several factors that contribute to the high rate of abuse in Guyana. One is the country’s history of sexism and gender inequality.

Women have always been seen as subordinate to men, and this attitude is still prevalent today.?As a result, most men feel entitled to control and dominate their partners.?

Another factor is the limited access to formal education; for generations, there has been an economic disparity between men and women for this very reason.?This has allowed men to thrive in a traditional role where women stayed home and cared for the family while the male role was to be the breadwinner. These gender constraints have put women somewhat at a disadvantage, as they are solely dependent on men for their needs.?

As single moms without formal education, they are even more disenfranchised by their situation and left with the daunting task of finding mates who are willing to care for them and their children. Using Pavlo’s hierarchy with a woman’s desire to have her physiological needs met for herself and the children, she compromises on her belongings for love and needs by equating the physiological for love.

For so many women, seeing their mom’s or grandmother's endure physical abuse is all in the name of simply meeting their physiological needs.?

With this lack of exposure to what healthy relationships look like, many women feel if they can be a little better than their mom, it’s acceptable.?

Unfortunately, the example in which they’re gauging what is acceptable is deplorable for so many reasons, including fatalities. For that reason, you will find women saying things like:

"At least he does hit every day." At least we have food on the table." etc?

This mental space has left women prostrated and enduring in fear of opening the door for poverty to walk through.

Finally, there’s the issue of machismo. In Guyana, machismo – or the belief that men should be tough, strong, and aggressive – is still alive and well. This belief reinforces the idea that men are okay to be violent towards their partners. It also pressures men to act tough and prove their masculinity, leading them to vent their frustrations on their partners.?

These long-established traditional imbalances between women and men are evolving, and women recognize their value in their worth. Our Guyanese women are much more educated and sophisticated than our grandparents and parents. They are creating access for themselves to get into the rooms where they can grow. For some, the process is slower; however, they are coming along. Because the process is arduous when the threat of violence is immediate.?

In 2021, 17 women were killed by domestic violence, and 43 children were left motherless.? Still, for many women, it can be challenging to leave abusive relationships for many reasons, but it is essential to remember that you have a right to live free from violence and abuse. Many resources are available to help you make a safety plan and exit your abusive relationship safely.

Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and/or spiritual abuse. This can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, age, race, religion, or sexuality. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for the abuse and that it is not your fault. Ladies, you have a right to live free from violence and abuse.?

For many in a domestic violence situation, it’s not as cut and dry as others think. As a coach, I am privy to how complex these situations are.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you extend grace and empathy for her and her children’s situation when dealing with the situation. Remembering, her fear can serve as her motivator or her kryptonite. Others wait and hope that the abuse will stop and things will improve. Then there was the thought of what might happen if they left. They may fear retaliation from the abuser or lose custody of their children. They may also be financially dependent on their abuser or feel they have nowhere else to go. Women need to know there’s a safe haven in times like these. There’s somewhere or someone they can turn to that will stand for them and their children, so what can she do if she’s in the situation?

1. Seek help from friends, family, or a domestic violence hotline at 914.

Create or find a safe place to stay. This could be with a friend or relative, in a shelter, or in another secure location.

2. Make a safety plan and have an emergency plan in place. This should include a list of people you can turn to for help and safe places to go if things get bad.?

3. Get an order of protection if you have been abused.?

4. Establish a support system.?

5. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically by journaling thoughts.

6. Leave when it is safe to do so, and get professional help. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or like you can’t.

In conclusion, 60% of our population of women will experience this horrible trauma. As human beings, we have a responsibility to humanity to take action to help.?

Male and female, we all have a mother, a sister, a daughter, and a niece. Don’t you want her to be safe? The next time a woman cries out for help, do not ignore her cry, do not turn your head, and do not justify her abuser’s action.?

Be the help she needs by simply calling the authorities, and for every person who is in authority to help the abuse understand that you are charged with their safety. You are their safe haven; do not disappoint them.