Deadman Walking

“ Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us, unplayed" Oliver Wendell Holmes

A wise teacher was once asked by a sad and distraught student, in his class, as to what the purpose of his life was. He had gone through many setbacks and was disillusioned with his life so far.

The wise teacher took out a $100 note in his hand. He asked the class who would like to have it? There were many hands raised. The teacher replied, “Great, I will give it to you. But first let me do something with this.”

 He reached out and crumpled that dollar bill badly. And then asked the audience “Now any one wants to have it?”. Still many hands were raised. The teacher nodded and said “OK". He then crushed the dollar note on the ground with his feet. He picked up the note and then asked the class, “It is crumpled and dirty now. Still anyone there who wants to have it now?”. Few hands were still raised.

The teacher smiled and said, “Dear friends, we have learnt a valuable lesson today. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted to have it. Why? Because it has not decreased its value! It is still worth $100. It happens to us as well in life. We are crumpled, crushed and broken due to certain circumstances. We may feel that we are worthless. That we do not have a purpose or mission and no one values us. Remember this. No matter what has happened to you or what will happen, you will not lose your value.

In fact, the truth of the matter is that you are priceless. There is always someone around you, who does love you and needs your help. Dirty or clean, crumpled or crushed. You are priceless for them and you serve a need for them which only you can fulfill.  So, it is important for you to love yourself and realize that you are worth enough to have all the happiness of the world.”

And this leads me to the reason I am writing this.

There are two most important days in your life. The day you were born and the day you find out why.

But most of us never really deeply think about the latter. We are just running through life without taking time out to step back and deeply ponder on the most important question you will ever answer.

One of the most common questions I am asked is about finding your purpose in life. There is confusion and lack of clarity in how to get on this path. Some who have gone on the “wrong” path often ask me if it is too late to turn back. In all humility, I do not have all the answers, but if it is reassuring, I can say that I can relate to the inner search for finding more. Being more. Doing more.

This is a strange insidious feeling and it comes knocking at your door no matter what. Whether you are a CEO of a fortune 500 company or an executive climbing up the career ladder or a grade 10 student, I feel everyone does get this wake up call at least once in their life and at the oddest of times. This quest to know if you are doing meaningful work or having a purposeful existence is embedded in all of us and pulls at our strings at the oddest of times. It does not wait for you to achieve levels or see if you are at the peaks of happiness or lows of despair. It comes without invitation and it stays like an uninvited guest. Prodding at your inner being. The one only we know and keep hidden from the ways of the world.

That said understand that this is a friendly universe and these hints are only like guiding stars pushing your ship of life to the preferred destination. Have faith, You are not in the dark. You have been made to only shine.

So, running away from this is not really an option though we do stay in certain illusions of the same. I feel one must muster up the courage to face this ailing question within and stay away from the myths of what purpose really is.

•  Finding purpose is not a shrinking of options but a possibility of more

In my experience, the best way to describe your purpose is to stay away from the common place we usually give this lifetime search. The most common mistake is to confuse it with what we need to do. Your purpose is a lot more abstract. It is simply the magic that makes you tick. More than the what, it is the why and the how. The strengths and passions you bring to the table no matter where you are seated. It is all about you and what you are recognized for, and what everyone would miss if you were gone.

I think the word passion has been used too excessively and might be daunting for some who are just starting out to clarify their purpose. Frankly, the word is a bit abstract. To me, the litmus test of purpose is simply this. Ithas to be exciting enough for you to just get started on the path. This very emotion is the thread that connects you to meaningful purpose in life. Now don’t get me wrong. By excitement, I do not mean energizer bunnies jumping here and there. I mean an inner excitement that drives a sense of wonder, joy, or sparks a feeling of coming alive, from the monotony that daily tasks bring us into.

• Finding purpose is all about YOU and not about achievements

I have seen far too many times, where purpose is confused with achievements of the organization or the individual. A purpose is far beyond that. It is a reason for being and something that comes naturally to you. It could be as simple as serving others to make a difference or as complex as launching inventions to cure ailments. To me, you must have a clear understanding of what drives you and slowly start working on this path. As future leaders, you owe this to yourself. Honour this search for more. You as a person have a unique identity and there is no other like you in the 7 billion beings out there. Believe this. There is a purpose to you which only you can unlock. Find it.

• Finding purpose is a lonely journey with you and yourself alone.

Answering the inner calling is a very personal journey in my opinion. In fact, one that you should only know about. It is so personal, one should respect all hints that come randomly in that direction throughout life. We often share our purpose, and there is nothing wrong in that. However, you may be discouraged by the many who won’t understand and try to talk you out of it, in good faith. Mark twain once said, “Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience”.

Believe me, these very people come with good intentions but they are the enablers in putting you off track. Stay on the path of what drives meaning to you and makes you energized to start the day.

•  Purpose is an excited curiosity which guides to make a difference

Interesting story. A horse suddenly came galloping quickly down the road. It seemed as though the man riding it had somewhere important to go. Another man, who was standing alongside the road, shouted, “Where are you going?” and the man on the horse replied,“I don’t know! Ask the horse!”.

Do not be dragged by random events during the day. Take out some time to slowly start seeing and assessing what excites you and makes you feel more alive about doing what you do. It could be the simplest act but provide meaning to you. And you alone. The meaningless and senseless chase many of us are involved in will come and haunt you one day, but maybe it will be too late then to be asking the right questions. One must muster up the courage to take the reigns of his life and look at it eye to eye and answer this ailing search. If you do not start the search for purpose, you will be only living to be part of someone else’s purpose and lose your identity in the mad rush.

• Finding purpose is having expectations of no expectations

We often set out on the purposeful journey with expectations in mind. These could be financial or about ego boost or raising self-esteem. Let go of these small thoughts. Your purpose is bigger than yourself. You cannot make the being of you, become small and fit in these senseless categories. You must act with integrity on things that honestly excite you. Resistance and procrastination are the enemies of this path. Beware of them.

Having no expectations on the outcome, means that you are acting on things that make you feel alive and good, and you have tapped in on what you have really wanted to do, but did not pursue because of not achieving a specific result. When you detach yourself from outcome and open yourself up to possibilities and enjoy the journey, you will strangely, decrease the resistance to your goals. Have no expectation and just see where the path leads you.

Your purpose has already been imprinted in your DNA when you were born. You just need to follow the path of what feels good and makes you feel more alive and joyful. It is the essence of who you are and what you are identified with. It is not a professional title limited to your current organization.

Take this search seriously and it is not something you do after retirement, while sipping lemonade at your porch. It is the quest you start from today and take head on, so you can make the difference that only you were born to do. It sounds dreamy, but it is as real as you will honour it. You are worthy of a lot more than you give yourself credit for. Respect that. Honour that. Work on that. It is a daily battle, but not an impossible one. I will conclude with what Cummings once said,  that rings true with every day of my existence, but keeps things in perspective.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”