The Deadly Power of Comparison
As a qualified teacher, it is my job to help my students achieve their desired results and goals from their time in school. This is something that is not easy to accomplish as it depends on their ability, work rate and desire to succeed to name just a few. I am very aware that the current education system does not suit everyone. For me, it doesn’t help students decide what they would like to do once they leave school and it does not provoke much thinking of what they should be picking and why. I have old school friends that were shaped by the school and current education structure. Many became accountants, scientists or engineers based on their love and passion for certain subjects. The school system did not impact me in that way, in many ways I was left to my own devices as I did not fit the mould.?I coasted through with little care or thought of the future, it was my experiences outside of school that helped me pick a career. It has only been recently that I have become aware of the mark my time in school has left on me.?
As in life, the end goal in education is all about results and we have this drilled into children from a young age. I can remember in primary school asking my friends what they got in the tests and watching my peers scribbling endlessly into their exam papers. While a healthy sense of competition and achievement is great for us but by the time we finish primary school, we have also introduced the “deadly power of comparison”. This is something that will follow students for the rest of their time in education and into adult life, this has most certainly been the case with me. In the world we live in today everything is online, our social life is on Facebook or Instagram, and our career is on LinkedIn. While on these websites you are constantly bombarded with your family and friends accomplishments. While you are delighted for them I have found myself in a dangerous area where I am comparing my life to theirs. Soon the negative self–talk began and it can grow louder “I should be further ahead in my career,” “I should be doing this,” “I should be doing that,” etc.?
This is something I can relate to and I have researched how people think and why we may have such harsh opinions of our achievements. The workings of our brain are very interesting and when you research this topic you can see how it can lead us astray. For simplicity, we have two brains red and blue and it is a constant struggle between the two for who is in control. Our blue brain is driven by logic and facts, it is the part of the brain where we think. Our red brain in comparison holds greater influence, this is powerful but prone to panic, we can become flooded with endorphins and hijacks us and is quick to react and slow to calm. Unpleasant emotions tend to have a ‘narrowing and limiting’ effect, causing us to be more losed-minded, less engaging. A simple photo on social media can cause panic to set in and so starts a cycle of negative feelings.
When we compare ourselves to others we are evaluating them and comparing them to ourselves. What we must be mindful of is how much weight we put on these evaluations. In my case, I would have valued their skills or achievements ahead of my own. HOWEVER a simple question we must ask ourselves when faced with this is simple, how does this serve me? There are several things we can do to silence that nagging voice in our head (Red Brain)the first thing is?positive self-talk. Use?positive self-talk?to champion your strengths and achievements regardless of someone else's accomplishments. Have they your life experience? Have they your skillset? Have they fought battles that you have fought and won?
I've worked with several clients who have struggled with "The deadly power of comparison" and I used the CIA model to help them overcome this. Using the?CIA model? you ask yourself three simple questions?
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If social media is a trigger for you or impacts how you feel and how think about yourself. Or if being around someone who is negative and is always complaining which raises your levels of anxiety etc.
Control: The solution is simple and you hold the power to shut that down and remove yourself from that environment thus taking control of your triggers which will positively impact how you feel.
Influence: What can you do to influence your future actions? What are your controllables? What have you the power to improve upon– maybe deciding to upskill for example.?
Acceptance – you accept where you are at a current time, continuously aware of the fact that you ultimately influence yon destiny.
Remember don’t be a slave to voice in your head and always strive for your best it may be different to others but that’s OK that is what makes us all unique.