DE4L: Who Motivates the Motivator?

Often defined by service, leadership—the commitment to guiding, inspiring, and uplifting others. This responsibility extends far beyond the scoreboard for coaches, administrators, and mentors in youth and interscholastic sports. It’s about shaping young minds, instilling character, and creating environments where athletes can thrive. But amid this work, there’s an often-overlooked question: Who motivates the motivator??

There are times throughout a leader’s journey when reflection leads to frustration and disappointment. You pour energy into building a culture, investing in young people, and setting high standards, only to be met with resistance, apathy, or unforeseen challenges. These moments test even the strongest leaders. Yet, they are also growth opportunities, deepening our connections and refining our purpose.?

The truth is frustration is inevitable. Helping people is hard. Leadership isn’t a highlight reel; it’s a daily grind filled with complexities that don’t always have immediate solutions. So how do leaders who spend their time inspiring others stay inspired themselves? How do they keep going when they feel drained, unappreciated, or disconnected from their passion??

The answer lies in intentional self-renewal, surrounding oneself with the right people, and recognizing that leadership is a marathon—not a sprint.?

The Weight of Leadership: Why Frustration is Inevitable?

Every leader, at some point, will experience a season of frustration. The weight of expectations, the challenges of managing people, and the constant demand for emotional investment take their toll.?

1. The Emotional Burden of Leadership?

Coaches and mentors are expected to be the steady force amid chaos. Athletes rely on them for guidance, parents expect them to be role models, and administrators hold them accountable for performance and culture-building. Leaders give so much of themselves that they often neglect their own needs.?

2. The Reality of Unmet Expectations?

Not every effort will yield the results we hope for. Sometimes, the players we invest the most in don’t respond. Sometimes, a well-crafted team culture still experiences division. Sometimes, the effort to change a program or system meets resistance. When passion meets obstacles, discouragement sets in.?

3. The Isolation of Leadership?

Leadership can feel lonely. While leaders pour into others, they often have few people pouring into them. This isolation can make challenges feel heavier than they truly are. It can also lead to burnout if not addressed intentionally.?

Despite these realities, great leaders find ways to push through. They recognize that while frustration is inevitable, stagnation is a choice.?

Tapping Into the Right People and Opportunities?

When frustration creeps in, the solution isn’t to power through in isolation. Instead, it’s about refreshing—finding the right people and experiences that reignite passion and perspective.?

?1. Surround Yourself with People Who Pour into You?

Every leader needs their circle of mentors, peers, and supporters. Who challenges you to be better? Who reminds you why you started? Who sees your struggle and offers encouragement without judgment??

Seek Out Trusted Mentors – Those who have walked the path before you can offer wisdom and reassurance. Their experiences remind you that challenges are temporary, but their impact is lasting.?

Connect with Like-Minded Leaders – Being around others who understand your struggles can be incredibly grounding. Whether it’s other coaches, administrators, or mentors, having a support system for those who “get it” is invaluable.?

Invest in Meaningful Friendships – Leadership doesn’t have to consume your entire identity. Spend time with people outside your professional circles—friends and family who remind you that you are more than your title.?

2. Step Away to See Clearly?

Sometimes, the best way to gain clarity is to step back. Constantly grinding without pause leads to exhaustion. Taking intentional breaks is not a sign of weakness—it’s a necessity for sustainability.?

Engage in Activities Outside of Leadership – Whether it’s reading, working out, or exploring a hobby, doing something unrelated to coaching or administration can help reset your mindset.?

Take Time for Reflection – Journaling, prayer, or simple quiet moments allow leaders to process emotions and regain focus.?

Seek Out Environments That Inspire – Attend conferences, visit other programs, or even sit in on another coach’s practice. Sometimes, a fresh perspective is the reset button we need.?

?3. Remember the ‘Why’?

One of the best ways to stay motivated is to remind yourself why you started. The reason you committed to leadership, to coaching, to mentorship—those reasons still exist, even on the hard days.?

Look Back on Success Stories – Think about the athletes or students whose lives you impacted. The ones who reached out years later to say, “Thank you.” Their growth and success are proof that your work matters.?

Focus on the Bigger Picture – No single setback defines your leadership. Progress isn’t always visible at the moment, but consistency creates a long-term impact.?

Acknowledge the Legacy You Are Building – You are laying a foundation that will outlast you. The Greek proverb refers to it as planting trees in whose shade you will never sit. Your influence extends beyond the current season, and the current challenges. The seeds you plant today will grow in ways you may never fully see.?

Real-Life Example: A Reminder of Impact?

Recently, I found myself in a season of deep frustration. No matter how much effort I put in, it felt like I was hitting a wall. I questioned whether my impact was enough–whether my time and energy made a difference.

Then, an unexpected message changed my perspective. It was from a former athlete I had coached years before. He told me how much our conversations had meant to him—how my belief in him during difficult times gave him the confidence to push forward. He thanked me for being someone who challenged him while also supporting him.?

A few days ago, another conversation reinforced this truth. A young man I? worked with (and learned from) years ago shared with my youngest son how much a small act of encouragement had inspired his journey. He spoke of the game day notes and letters I wrote—simple, handwritten messages on cards I handed out before games.?

At the time, I wasn’t thinking about the long-term significance of those notes. I wanted my athletes to know they were seen, supported, and appreciated. I wanted them to confidently step onto the court, track, or field, knowing that someone believed in them.?

To other young men, those notes were much more. Several have told me how they saved those notes from high school, pulling them out during tough times for motivation. When they faced challenges—whether in sports, academics, or life—those words reminded them of their worth, potential, and the lessons we had built together.?

That moment was a reminder: The smallest gestures often have the greatest impact. A handwritten note, a word of encouragement, a look of affirmation. Leadership isn’t always about grand speeches or big wins; sometimes, it’s about a simple message that reminds someone they matter.?

We may never fully realize the weight of our words at the moment, but they carry forward, shaping lives long after the season ends. That’s the power of leadership—the power of investing in people beyond the game.

Actionable Steps for Leaders Seeking Motivation?

If you find yourself in a season of frustration, here are actionable steps to regain perspective:?

1. Find Your Circle: Surround yourself with people who encourage and challenge you. Seek mentorship, community, and friendships that uplift you. Challenges force changes!

2. Take a Step Back When Needed: Rest isn’t a luxury—it’s essential. Give yourself permission to recharge. Well, people coach well (Happy Birthday, Psycho Sideco).

3. Reframe Your Perspective: Remind yourself of the long game. Your impact isn’t always immediate, but consistency makes a difference.?

4. Stay Open to Growth: Every challenge presents a learning opportunity. Instead of seeing obstacles as setbacks, view them as refining tools–opportunities to improve.

5. Remember That You Are Not Alone: Leadership is a shared journey. Others have walked it before you, and many walk it alongside you. When in doubt, reach out.?

Conclusion: Leadership is a Marathon, not a Sprint?

To every coach, administrator, and mentor who has ever felt exhausted, disheartened, or unappreciated—your work matters. Your leadership shapes lives in ways you may not see immediately, but the ripple effect is real.?

Yes, Nomadic Leadership is lonely (at times), but you are never alone. We have your back. Lean on people who believe in your mission and who are walking the same path alongside you. They do not have to always agree with you either. Stretch yourself!

So, who motivates the motivator? The answer is simple: The work itself–the lives changed–the relationships built. And the unwavering belief that what we do is bigger than wins and losses—it’s about legacy.?

Stay the course. Keep planting seeds. Your impact is greater than you know.