De-escalation? What comes before?

Conflict is inevitable in work, but it can often be prevented if workers know how to avoid problems and lower temperatures in an environment where everyone seems to be a bit closer to the boiling point.

This ability to calm things down comes naturally to some people, but for most people, it doesn’t. For whatever reason, there seems to be a decreasing level of knowledge, skill, and ability to prevent and manage conflict. As a result, people often let their ego get involved, become irate, and speak reactively, which can escalate a situation that otherwise would have been a non-event.

This ability to prevent conflict from developing is a process called “non-escalation,” which includes these specific methods:

1.    Treat people with dignity by showing respect

2.    Maintain emotional equilibrium when faced with your conflict triggers

3.    Pay attention to proxemics, the study of the human use of space

4.    Develop a Showtime Mindset to ensure others view you as their equal

5.    Always use a Universal Greeting when making an initial contact

6.    Don’t just actively listen to others, go “beyond active listening”

7.    End an interaction in a better place than where it started

The information provided below will provide a basic understanding of the Vistelar non-escalation methods. However, participation in a Vistelar Non-Escalation, De-Escalation, and Crisis Management training program is highly recommended to develop the knowledge, skills, and abilities to competently utilize these methods during interactions with others.

1. Treat people with dignity by showing respect

 “When differences divide us, treating each other dignity by showing respect establishes a common ground for managing conflict.”

-- Vistelar Treat People Right card

Everyone knows that acknowledging people’s inherent value as human beings by treating them with dignity is the right thing to do. However, we also know that we sometimes fail to do this, and the way we fail is by not showing people respect.

To be effective at “non-escalation” you must always show people respect.

Note that showing a person respect doesn’t mean you must respect someone whose behaviors conflict with your personal values. Respect must be earned. However, it is possible to show everyone respect, if you know how. Here are the five approaches Vistelar teaches to show people respect.

●      See the world through their eyes

●      Listen with all your senses

●      Ask and explain why

●      Offer options, let them choose

●      Give an opportunity to reconsider

2. Maintain emotional equilibrium when faced with your conflict triggers

The first step in non-escalation is to know your conflict triggers – your personal hot buttons (name calling, dismissive behaviors, eye rolling). Then, in the face of these triggers, you should work at staying calm by keeping your ego out of the situation.

It’s also critically important to remain calm and level-headed when faced with an active threat so you can thoughtfully respond with an appropriate action.

You also should work to not set off the conflict triggers of others by using inflammatory phrases ( “calm down,” “those are the rules”), treating people rudely, or having a posture, facial expressions, or a tone of voice that others view as disrespectful.

3. Pay attention to proxemics, the study of the human use of space

Your distance from others, positioning, and hand placement all affect the comfort level of people with whom you interact. For example, encroaching on other people’s personal space, touching unnecessarily, or making sudden movements causes most individuals to feel discomfort, anxiety, or even anger. As a result, it should be avoided.

Paying to attention to your proxemics is critical for your personal safety. For example, you should establish clear physical boundaries, so you can take the appropriate action if another person gets too close. Also, you should meet in areas of the home that avoid isolation, have clear escape routes, and otherwise minimize dangers – while still maintaining privacy and confidentiality.

4. Develop a Showtime Mindset to ensure others view you as their equal

When interacting with others, you should align all elements of your communication with the situation. Just like an actor on stage, non-verbals (body language, eye contact, expressions), verbals (word choice), and paraverbals (tone and volume of voice) must all send the same message.

Prior to any interaction, you should prepare by:

·        Saying to yourself, “It’s Showtime!”

·        Adopt an assertive posture

·        Take a deep breath

·        Put on the appropriate facial expression for the situation

·        Use positive self-talk – e.g., “I’ve got this.”

·        Step onto the stage

If your goal is non-escalation (preventing conflict), your message via your non-verbals, verbals, and paraverbals should be that you are the other person’s equal – rather than being their superior or subordinate. You should never look, sound, or behave in a timid or vulnerable manner.

5. Always use a Universal Greeting when making an initial contact

When you first interact with someone, these four questions generally pop into people’s heads:

1. Who are you?

2. Where do you get your authority?

3. What do you want?

4. Why should I care?

If you do not immediately answer these questions, it can result in conflict. Therefore, you should always use a “universal greeting,” which includes these four steps:

1.   Appropriate greeting

2.   Name and affiliation

3.   Reason for contact

4.   Relevant question

For example, “Good afternoon. My name is Jennifer Ames and I have an appointment to see John Smith today. Is he at home?”

The Universal Greeting introduces you to the individual at the door and states the reason you are presenting at the home. The greeting used in this form also does not identify your purpose to the person who answers the door until you’ve made a positive identification of your client. This establishes the tone for the interaction, develops rapport, and shows respect.

In addition, by actively listening following the relevant question, it enables you to gain valuable information on the other person’s intentions, ability to assess their mental and emotional state before you decide to enter the client’s home.

6. Don’t just actively listen to others, go “beyond active listening”

Most people know the basics of active listening (maintain appropriate eye contact, focus all your attention on the other person, make brief prompters like, “Go on” or “I see”). The goals of active listening are for the other person to feel a) they have been heard and understood, and b) you are interested in what they are trying to communicate.

However, in the presence of disagreements and conflict, just listening actively is rarely sufficient. Instead, you must dig deeper by going “beyond active listening.”

Beyond active listening is a specific set of techniques that include clarifying, paraphrasing, reflecting, affirming, mirroring, advocating, summarizing – with a purpose to actively gather additional information from the other person to enable you to better practice empathy.

7. End an interaction in a better place than where it started

At the end of an interaction, your goal should be to achieve the best possible outcome and establish a positive foundation for any future interactions.

For a routine interaction, this can be accomplished by summarizing expectations and offering a genuine thank you. However, be careful to not use a scripted response or catchphrase, such as “Have a nice day” or “No problem,” which can be a conflict trigger for some people. Instead, treat people as individuals rather than as a number.

If you have actively listened during the interaction, you will have plenty to work with. Identify something unique to the other person on which to comment. For example, “Thanks for letting me in your home. I really enjoyed meeting your family.” or “Things really did go well today, despite the rough start. I’m going to have a good report for your case.” 

For more complex interactions, you should ensure the situation is stable (verbal attacks have stopped; recovery from crisis, appropriate action taken, everyone is safe), before closing the interaction. If there was conflict during your visit, you could reference how you hope the next visit will go better next time.

With all interactions, your goal should be to end with a positive closure.

Statistics are starting to show that if all workers knew how to effectively and safely interact with others, the amount of overall violence would substantially decrease. Therefore, implementing non-escalation training for all home-visitation workers should be strongly considered.