De-escalation basics: Stay calm yourself
You can not hope to effectively and successfully de-escalate a situation if you allow yourself to get jacked up! You must stay calm, and avoid letting yourself get frustrated, impatient or offended by a person.
A time and battle proven method to stay calm under stress is slow, deep breathing. Long, slow, deep breaths will help you control your heart rate and blood pressure. That does not mean you will not feel a certain amount of stress and anxiety, it just means that you will stay calm enough to work or fight through the situation.
Long, slow, deep breaths will also assure that oxygenated blood gets to your brain while under stress, and if you can get oxygenated blood to your brain while under stress you will more likely be able to THINK under stress, and if you can think under stress you are less likely to do or say something that will escalate a situation.
Earlier this year a buddy of mine on our church safety security team was standing there between services, watching a lot of people leave while a lot of people were coming in. My buddy is a large black man, and out of the crowd a white guy approaches my buddy and gets really close, and then points to the confederate flag on his ball cap and asked my buddy if the flag offended him.
My buddy was initially taken aback and wasn't sure how to take this guy. Was he seriously trying to have a confrontation with my buddy right then and there, at church, in between services, with all the people milling about?!
My buddy took a moment to take a breath, chose not to let this man bother him, and responded along the lines of, "No that doesn't bother me, you can wear whatever you want, that was the losing side anyway!"
The guy walked away, but came back the next Sunday and started talking to my buddy. Long story short, the both of them chat, laugh and share every Sunday since. But how easy could it have been for my buddy to have been very offended by this man?
Something else to consider: Is the person you are dealing with deliberately trying to be rude and obnoxious, or are they possibly on the autism spectrum? Because if they are, they are likely to be socially awkward, may have no filter on their mouth, they may not understand social distances or other acceptable social norms and behaviors. Basically, without meaning to be, they may come across as rude and obnoxious.
This interaction with my buddy happened at church but the basic de-escalation concepts and lessons are the same everywhere and anywhere you have human beings come in contact with other human beings who may be rude and obnoxious:
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1- Be nice
2- Stay calm
3- Don't become offended, frustrated or impatient
4- Be prepared to just simply walk away
In exactly 7 days I will be at The Journey Church in TN for Faith Based Security Network SOS.23 church security conference, where I'll have the chance to share the importance of having a ministry mindset when interacting with people at your church.
If you volunteer in any capacity at your church, avoid getting so hung up and overly invested in your title, position and sense of responsibility that you miss opportunities to witness, minister and be an example to others.
In Matthew 25:40, Jesus said "Inasmuch as you did for one of the least of these, you did unto me". Ministry mindset.